To my beloved

If you were the greatest thing that happened to me,

Would I know it?

If your love was like a flower,

I would plant it,

I would grow it.

You gave me all your body.

I know I’m strong enough to hold it.

If I show you all my demons

and we dive off the plateau,

would we fall and drown like every time before?

I can tell you all my secrets.

I would wrap my arms around your weakness.

If I relinquish my emotion,

would you even want to take it?

If you gave me all your trust now,

would I stumble and break it?

If I get scared and run away,

would you reel me back in?

If the only other option is letting go,

I’ll stay vulnerable.

If we sever the ties from our pasts,

Will there be room for the present?

You are stronger than your aggressor.

Your light pierces through the darkness you own.

You are beautiful inside and out

I admire how you don’t give up on people

for I have done it every time.

No matter what flaws they unleash,

you never forget their good side.

you are remorse

you are healing

you are resilience

you are strong

you are kind

you are wise

you are doing the best you can!

If you give me every piece of yourself,

you know that I can drop it.

Relentless generosity

Give me a chance

You know I can take advantage once I got it

If you gave me the opportunity,

would I blow it?

If the only other option is letting go,

I’ll stay vulnerable

Shrouded Guilt

If you have ghosts

you have everything

You can say anything you want

You can do anything you always wanted to

but most never do that

You can call it a surprise

a change to your demise

Claim it’s not a part of you


Only in the night you are real

Ghosts shimmer down your wandering mind

An ethereal wind forever blows

down these barren lands of ice

feeding on your shrouded guilt

like a parasite falling for its host

For the truth of the matter is

I will never let you go

One single night

She sings sad songs

every single night

I can hear her through the walls

every single night

if walls could talk

every single night

they wouldn’t talk at all

every single night

they’d merely listen

every single night

she bears her soul

every single night

each note yearns to come out

every single night

She sings sad songs

Every single night

Until she doesn’t

One single night

Box of tissues

There’s nothing better than the touch of a man,
to be face down and in need of a tissue.
some want nothing more than to get laid,
while others would just rather be alone,
but doesn’t everyone need someone to hold?
Or perhaps the right hand gives enough love?

Do you remember what it’s like to fall in love?
Whether it was with a woman-man or a man-man?
They were not responsible enough with your heart to hold,
but instead you retreated to the box of tissue.
Watching stars undress in the dark alone,
nearly envious as someone else gets laid,

Walls crumbled down wherever they laid.
the risk it took to fall in love,
forcing yourself to believe it’s best to be alone,
instead of ever again trusting a man.
still wiping tears off with a tissue,
the only thing in your hand left to hold

Is it really worth persevering and grabbing hold
on the edge of your seat where saltwater laid?
not every drop was rescued by a tissue,
assuming that was your last chance at love,
your ex doesn’t resemble every man.
to generalize is to be condemned alone

Or maybe it’s not so bad to be alone!
weather is getting colder with only a blanket to hold.
perhaps braving through the complications of a man
beats pulling stiff pages depicting others getting laid.
is it harder to build and make love,
rather than merely reaching for tissue?

At some point you’re going to run out of tissue,
and you’ll have to buy more if you remain alone.
patience you have little and money cannot buy you love,
bring your wallet to the store for its very light to hold,
poured out your nickels and dimes on the counter they laid,
convincing yourself it’s safer without some man

You’ll be unscathed falling in love with a tissue,
with any man you may still feel alone,
except the one who’ll still hold you even after you get laid

The One-Eyed Angel fucks conformity

Conforming is predictable, safe, and adaptive to one’s individual place in the world. It is easy to abide by something that is so trivial. Little thought and energy is given to doing things that one normally does. Social norms allow one to experience a sense of safety and security, reassurance, especially in times of discomfort or distress. It is like a safety net, something to fall back on, and something to rely on. One’s comfort zone is a place of familiarity and tranquility. It distills the pressures that life presents, the uncertainty of the future, and the fear that follows close behind.

On the other hand, conformity can also refrain one from trying new things or exploring different realms of understanding the world. People genuinely fear the unknown and conforming is a way one adapts to the changes that life presents us. It can render us from taking necessary risks. Also, it could dissuade us from breaking free of complacence. There is a whole world out there to interact with, to learn from, to experience, but conforming can ultimately hold us back from fully harnessing our potential.

Breaking free of social constructs could also leave one to deviate further and further from the status quo. It alleviates the burden of figuring out how to escape from the confines of one’s mind. It could also prevent any means to abscond from what is expected of us.

Personally, from the outside looking in, most people think I’m crazy. From my point of view, living within the craziness, it merely feels like I’m being chastised for being honest within a world of liars.

After 25 years, I still don’t know what it means to be human. I don’t know if it’s ever possible to stray away from the pressure to confirm. Unless the existential dread that I garner every day is the embodiment of humanity. But at this point in my life, I try not to be negative. I try not to be consumed in the darkness of my past. I tell myself that I’ve reached the other side of the tunnel and being humble is proof of that.

I refuse to close myself off from the world. I won’t allow myself to overgeneralize or to assume every person will hurt me simply because a few actually did. Otherwise, I would be no different than those who actually deserve to be condemned in that fucking box I place the whole world in! I’m not going to let my insecurities or my hurt feelings sever my ties to humanity. Or else this unrelenting misery will be all I’ll ever know. And conforming will forever be an inevitability.

I don’t think society is getting worse though. I think the plethora of national occurrences had always been happening. Perhaps society, itself, is becoming more self-aware. Things that used to happen behind closed doors, things that we were once ashamed to admit to anyone – are coming to light. Instead of judging the truth for what it is, we should learn from these horrific events because how else will humanity evolve?

Are there any jobs out there where everyone can be as gay as they fucking want without discrimination? Jesus fucking Christ! Why do social constructs exist where only people confined in the box labeled “majority” can thrive? Like why do I have to be a certain way and come from a certain place and look a certain way to be treated fairly? I question social and cultural constructs and norms all the time when most people abide by them without question. I feel like an alien living in an unfair Utopia where hard work and dedication doesn’t mean anything if you don’t fit the cookie cutter lifestyle that’s expected of us. Fuck conformity! Fuck social acceptance! Hail deviance! Hail satan!

It seems like everything is a social construct. For some reason, women earn 80 cents on the dollar compared to men for doing the same shit as of 2018. It’s even less for women of color. What the fuck is that all about? How come throughout time anyone who isn’t a rich, white, straight man got treated like shit? Why does it matter if you’re male or female or gay or bisexual or transsexual or non-binary or cisgendered? Who cares if you’re black, white, asian, yellow, Hispanic, or Krytonian for fuck’s sake? We are all equals. Point blank.

It used to be legal to own a slave. It used to be illegal to help a runaway slave. People used to think the Earth was flat. And anyone who thought the world was round was ostracized. The pilgrims left Europe to find The New World where they can be free to be themselves and to practice any religion they like. Look how that turned out too! And then we have Columbus Day? He didn’t even discover America! The Native Americans were here way before we were. And the pilgrims just pushed them further and further west until they all splashed right into the Pacific Ocean. Everything is bullshit! The textbooks that we have our children read as ultimate truth? This whole society is built on lies!

I always tell myself that every single life is precious, but there are some days when it’s harder to believe that. Meditation, grounding, centering, and shielding helps remind me that despite the chaos that occurs all around the world, there is also astounding beauty surrounding us all. There are two sides to every coin. You can generalize and say the world and its inhabitants are doomed to hell. However, generalizations are merely logical fallacies. You can ultimately create a theory out of anything, but that doesn’t mean it’s right. Tragedy humbles us, builds our resilience, and allows us opportunities to take part in helping others. Good stems from evil. And the majority will never keep us down!

Most people tend to project their own insecurities and their own morals and beliefs onto other people. Most of the time, whenever someone treats you in a negative way, it usually has nothing to do with you at all. You have every right to occupy space in this world just as much as anyone else. No more, no less. Don’t let other people force their own morals and beliefs onto you. Don’t feel ashamed when they’re disappointed that your truth doesn’t match theirs. For this world is full of so many possibilities. Each living thing has an entirely unique experience.. The sights they see.. the sounds they hear…. the lives they live.. are so complicated and yet so simple. Regardless, you’re something extraordinary… you’re a human being.

Nocturnal Inspiration

It’s darkest before the dawn’s early rise,
When the brightest ideals are up for grabs,
I alone am the answer to this prize,
Cheating temporary death to keep tabs,
Is it right to sacrifice rest for art?
When the Sun brings forth new ways of thinking,
Not my kind of thinking but it’s a start,
Moon shines its lover’s scraps fit for a king.

I won’t let lethargy rob me of this,
It’s mine! I won’t let the light of day thrive!
Light gets enough attention as it is,
Let the underdog crawl from its own strife.
Gold chariot comes to pull me from bed,
but like man’s best friend, I like to play dead

Midnight Summer Breeze

In undergarments

in the dark staring

out at a full moon silence

held at bay with only the sound

of my breath beautiful

tranquility a safe haven only I know

exists

starlight spills through the blinds

skin bathed in an ethereal hue

would this night

feel the same with you?

others are out there

in the dark staring down

at a bright screen

silence held at bay with

only the sound of validation

beautiful tranquility within a home

I cannot fathom

Shades are drawn skin

plastered in an enchanting glow

how the hell would

I know?