(Transcribed from 5:59 to end)

For the longest,

I thought I was worthless

That I was nothing but an insignificant means for people to let out their frustrations on

A punching bag

An easy target

Because my kindness and my big heart is mistaken for weakness in this world

And we are socially conditioned to see it as weakness

And emotion

But it’s the fine arts that stretches the boundaries of that

Of everything

And that is who I am

Yes!

I will defy society whichever way I can

And I will be the loneliest man in the world if it meant that I can just be myself

And I lie here at three in the morning

After my guided meditation

After my trip to the spiritual realm

And I lay here in my bed

And I don’t see it as half the bed being filled

I see it as more space for me

More comfort for me

And the Law of Attraction,

I’ve been ignoring,

Like I said

But no more!

Because whatever I want and whatever I desire can be obtainable if I just change my mindset

It all starts there

And to be grateful for the things I want,

Even if I don’t have it right now

But that the things that I want are en route

That they are coming

If I can just imagine myself already in riches and in love again

Where I don’t have to worry about bills

And debt

Or loneliness

I will never feel alone again

And I don’t feel alone because I tell myself I am not alone

And I am not poor because I tell myself I’m not poor

there are people far off worse than me

And there are people better than me…

…in one aspect or another

I feel like we’re just in between two ultimate extremes

And I’m okay being average

Because I am the best at being myself

And I will find a way through this

Being completely honest with myself right now

I want you all to see this

To feel this

I hope to God that you’ll be understood

That I’ll be understood

That we can live in a world where we’re understood

No matter how vulgar

Or how obscene

Or how inappropriate

My feelings or how I convey my feelings and emotions

It’s who I am

And everything I say and do and think can be relatable to another human being

Anything a human can create,

Another can understand it

That way, I’m not alone

I tell myself I am not alone because I am not alone

I’m here with you all

On Earth

We’re all human

We’re all the same species

I am with you

And you are with me

With every breath I take

[deep breath]

 

(Transcribed until 5:58)

I just finished meditating

How I usually do

In the bath tub

Taking a nice, relaxing bath

And I light the candles

And I fill the bathtub with nice, clean bubbles

And I turn the lights off 

And all you can hear is the humming of the AC

Of the fan

And a slight meow from my cat

Wishing me luck on a brief yet cherished journey

An interlude cherished all the more for its brevity

And I lay in the warm water

This liquid gold that will exonerate me for my sins and my negative thoughts

For I have been neglecting the Law of Attraction for far too long now

And I play some guided meditation

And I allow myself to be led astray in a world that’s not my own,

But a world I strive to be a part of, even if it’s just for a moment

And I crave this world

I yearn for it everyday

I remind myself that I’ve been here before and I can return at any time

A place where technology doesn’t exist

And the rushing cascades of water down a waterfall

The feeling of the Sun on my skin

The sounds of chirping

The trees swaying in the wind,

Rooted to the ground yet dancing to the beat of life

And I allow myself to be taken into this world where all my worries and cares are acknowledged

But are easily swept away

Life’s most simplest indulgences I feel I’ve come to neglect

The little things in life that I’ve lost gratitude for such as my feline companion

Or state benefits

Or food in the fridge

The clothes in my closet

The AC that keeps me cool during the Summer

The heater that keeps me warm in the cold

And the beautiful – 

The beautiful world where I come to acknowledge and surrender myself to the beauty that I’ve come to just ignore

And to send my love to the people who’ve hurt me

And to give them my forgiveness

And to allow myself to grow because there are no mistakes,

There are no losing situations,

There are only opportunities

There are only learning – 

Learning opportunities

Where I can become a better person and become more well equipped 

To be the best version of myself

But sometimes I wonder why when I try to establish any human connection,

It seems to be distant

Or strained 

Or brief

Yet cherished

And appreciated

And adorned

For this nostalgia takes over me

And I clear my mind

And I allow myself to succumb to the whims of my past

Why am I left alone?

Why did everything I love and everyone I love just leave?