Always and Forever

Sunlight lays siege upon eyelids

They refuse to surrender

Blankets are valleys bathed in the enemy

Always and forever

True love’s kiss belongs to a fabled prince

Riding away on his valiant steed

Curtains are pictures never drawn since

Always in need

A moat keeps away the next of kin

Encompassing an ageless castle

The bridge was burned by a dragon

Always a hassle

Red flags outnumbered the white

And arrows cannot pierce through a stone wall

Two colours repel a noble knight

Always afraid to fall

Tried With You

You guarded yourself very well. You didn’t even have to. I would never have intentionally hurt you. You thought I was weak yet you perceived me as a threat. You felt that you could just walk all over me. You thought that I wouldn’t catch on to your little games. I sensed the pain that you garnered, the suffering that you’ve endured every passing day. I knew you considered suicide. I knew that your ex-husband was sending you mail to my address. And I know that you’re probably living with her now. You don’t owe me anything. I thought I could save you. I thought I could help you get back on your feet again. But I was so wrong. How could I have expected you to love me when your whole life depended on self-preservation and survival? Someone like you doesn’t have the mental capacity to love. All your energy was spent on trying to live another day. Maybe I was selfish for having a homeless man stay with me and expecting a relationship out of it. Maybe I did feel a sense of power and control. Maybe it felt good to know that someone needed me. I admit that I’ve done wrong but you never admitted your wrong-doings. I tried with you, but we weren’t equally yoke. You had secrets. You made me feel like everything that happened between us was solely my fault. You manipulated my emotions and you’re a sociopath who fools everyone in your wake. Your delusions even make you fool yourself. What could I have possibly done to save you?


Xrotica: Back in the Bear’s Den

I had allocated a plethora of saved photos I had received from Dee throughout the four years that I’ve known him. I labelled the customized album on Google Photos with his name. A picture of his full backside vacated the home screen wallpaper on my android phone. The wallpaper is switched out for another, every week or so.

Things with Dee were complicated. Maybe it was just me, but regardless, my feelings were valid. It was around four years ago that I indulged myself in promiscuity with Grindr and those other apps like it. I was still unsure of the implications that a friend-with-benefits relationship consisted of at the time. When Dee and I first hooked up, I knew he would be the best fuck I ever had. It was lust at first sight. He was the first fuck buddy I had that stood out from the rest. It was Dee who introduced me to poppers and jockstraps, threesomes and narcotics, long-lasting foreplay and swallowed ejaculation.

Since the first time I hosted for him, I was hooked. I began to create a whole routine whenever he was on his way. A quick rinse and douche session followed by laying out a punch bowl of condoms and lube next to the porn playing in the background. I always made sure to wear a shirt or a pair of jockstraps he gave me during prior visits so that he knew I missed him. I lost count of how many sexual endeavors we’ve embarked on together.

I had developed mixed feelings for him ever since he confessed to being married the entire time. I fought with myself and had decided time and time again to excommunicate with Dee. I thought that would be the healthiest thing for me. However, thoughts of him would resonate on lonely nights. The way he would eat my ass out or suck my cock like it was the only thing keeping him alive. The way he can be so gentle and kind, but also rough and spontaneous at the same time. So despite the feelings I may have caught along the way, I decided to answer when he messaged me even though I told him months ago not to talk to me ever again.

I had replied back and admitted that I had missed him. We went from there. We caught up briefly on each other’s lives. How I’m continuing to juggle work, school, and a social life. How he works at a music store and enjoys what he does for a living. He has a profound proclivity for music. Last I heard, he had his own band. He had his own music studio and had assured me that eventually I’ll be able to visit and we could explore the musical world outside my bedroom. I marveled at how much life experience he had. I admired his sense of adventure and the need to deviate from one’s own comfort zone. He had traveled around the world and was a DJ for so many different clubs and events. I want those things. That’s probably why I’m so attracted to him as well.

The world is huge and there are cultures and different people and events that I could experience in my own life. I have been in the same state for the majority of my life. The farthest I can recall that I traveled was New York City. I’ve only been to one concert. I always felt like I needed a mentor or a father figure of sorts to show me the ropes. But Dee always told me that I can do whatever I want in this life. I can move to Missouri or Nevada or something. He’s one reason I’ve became much more aware of the concept of free choice. I am considering moving away after I obtain my bachelor’s degree. Go to a college in another state live in a dorm or perhaps in my own apartment and get a new job. Anyway I’m getting sidetracked…

Eventually, he came by at around 12:30 in the morning shortly after some other guy came by just to swallow my load. It wasn’t enough. I wanted to be penetrated and dominated, not just sucked off. Although I did ejaculate, I still felt horned up enough to have Dee visit. So we got the initial make out session out of the way to ease the tension.

Fractals were playing on YouTube on my PS3. Dee pulled out the poppers from his backpack with one hand and his bag of weed in the other. My pipe and grinder were located near the condoms. He found them almost instantly. We chatted a little bit just to ease the tension of all the time spanned out between us. Then he reached over and I thought he was going to make out with me some more but he just hugged me. And we stood like that for a while.

Suddenly, I broke the silence and submitted to my knees. With several hits of the poppers and a few drags of my pipe, I vastly indulged in the taste and texture of his cock. I felt the magic inflating him with only seconds to spare. He warned me that he was about to cum so I stopped. And he tapped my shoulder and signaled me to get on the bed. And he twirled his index finger around so I knew to go on all fours.

His dick was average size but he sure knew how to use it. And because it wasn’t an overwhelming girth, he felt it was okay to just shove it in there without easing it in first. I yelped like a little bitch as I succumbed to the impalement that I yearned for for so long. I closed my eyes and envisioned the head of his cock poking my prostrate gland. He was curved a certain way that he was able to find it so efficiently. Occasionally, he would slap my ass and make me call him daddy. And then he grabbed his underwear that was laid askew to my left and shoved it in my mouth. He knew I loved the way his natural scent invigorated my libido.

Then, he pulled out just as quickly and it was his turn to go on his knees. I didn’t move an inch. He didn’t tell me to move. Dee grabbed either side of my ass and I knew it was his tongue’s turn to shine. He spit on my hole before diving headfirst into the abyss. His slimy, pink serpent journeyed thoroughly inside me. I moaned as I took yet another hit of the poppers one nostril at a time. I used my left hand to reach behind me and hold his head in place. And then my right hand was busy trying to achieve orgasm. I think I was going to finish when he stood up from his assigned seat and laid on his back next to me. He was panting. One should never go deep sea diving without an oxygen tank.

I sat on top of him and inserted him into me. Both my legs were outstretched on either side of him, and he sat up so that I can grab his shoulders and continue the ride. With the poppers and the weed in my system, I released a Joker-esque laugh once I increased my speed. He moaned under me a whole octave higher than his normal voice entailed. Dee’s eyes rolled back and he exclaimed that he didn’t have protection wrapped around him. I didn’t give a fuck. I wanted this sexy fucker’s kids up my fat ass. So I refused to stop and told him “why should I get off? This is the best seat in the house!”

Dee shattered into a million pieces inside me. They searched for an egg they’ll never fertilize. He was pulsating underneath me. It looked like he was having a seizure and for some reason, it made me giggle even more. and I jerked myself off while continuing to ride him because I knew he was sensitive now. He wanted me to get off him, but I shoved his hands away. He inhaled some more poppers and accepted that I was not going to stop until I finished too. I erupted onto his face and he almost dropped the vial.

Slowly, I climbed off of him and he shoved me against the wall and resorted back to kneeling. He worshipped my cream-filled cake. Dee slurped and swallowed himself until he was nearly full. Then, he crawled under me and started drinking the milk from my baby bottle. His mouth was a vacuum cleaner. My knees wobbled. I almost lost my balance as he made me cum again. That sexy bastard should have worn a fucking bib because I landed all over his shirt. I wonder how he was going to explain that to his bitch ass husband on laundry day. Oh wells! Dee tried his best to drink every last drop but his shirt was already affected.

There was a brief interlude during the performance. I remained there leaning against the wall and he caressed my ass as he sat there cross-legged. Eventually, he managed to call forth enough strength to get his hairy bear ass back up again. He made sure he grabbed all his shit and threw it back into his backpack. Dee had left me his bag of weed claiming that there wasn’t that much left anyway. But I’m sure he would have left it there if there was more regardless. He’d done it before. He walked towards the door, but turned around and planted one last kiss on my lips before he left my life forever.

Since then, he has moved all the way across the country. We still text every now and then. Empty promises of a reunion does come up from time to time. But since I met him, I learned not to get attached, and it was him who encouraged me to feel confident about my imperfect body. I have a lot of different guys on my contacts list to hit up whenever I need it. Dee was the standing foundation that allowed me to accept my sexuality as an adventure without bias or scrutiny. I will never forget those four years. I would never forget how he made me feel so sexy and so alive. He motivated me to explore the world because it’s not going to explore itself. And perhaps someday, I’ll have enough courage to go on a road trip and surprise him. Anything can happen in this beautiful, vast world.

Cried With You

I kicked off my work shoes and securely closed the door behind me. You glanced in my direction, your eyes moist and red with grief. I dropped everything and kneeled idly by your side. You looked away and buried your face, a feeble attempt to hide the pain. I held you in my embrace and realized that you had let me in. You sobbed while your tears were accompanied by somber tunes. I ignored the uncomfortable feeling of my knees on marble tiles. You were my top priority and nothing else mattered that night. I whispered positive affirmations in your ear and that was when you turned your whole body towards me and said that you loved me. I felt butterflies fluttering while you were sitting there in turmoil. So I stayed there beside you and cried with you. You were too good to be true. I found it easiest to love you when you had no one else to turn to.