Redemption

Is life supposed to stop because I did something horrible? Well, here’s the real horrible truth. No matter what I do or how bad I feel about it, life just goes on. Life doesn’t give a fuck that I’m sorry or upset or deranged or tormented. Life just goes on, and I got to go on with it, or sit in the middle of the road and feel sorry for myself. And I don’t see myself doing that. I’m not evil. Everything that I have done… and my faith was still pure. When I spoke words of prayer, they were just as real to me as when I memorized them in church all those years ago when I still exuded a clandestine innocence. The words still moved me. I never doubted God. I doubted myself. But maybe God was a more generous God than I allowed Him to be. I faced the demon with my faith and prayer. Does that mean God has forgiven me of my sins? I don’t know. If He has truly forgiven me, then He’s more magnanimous than I’ll ever be.

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