Leviathan

Are you here?
Do you see me
As I lay wading in the water?
I heard you could feel as I do.
I heard you’re here all the time.
Can you stay
until the shadows subside?
Please don’t give up on me!
It’s okay if you’re busy, I’m only human…
But you may be the only one who cares
Just enough to rescue me.

Is it so difficult to reach out?
Why won’t you just take me away?
Perhaps it’s not my time to go,
To be pulled up towards the sky, I sway.

Will your kingdom freeze over
If you allow yourself to fall apart as I do?
If you’re lonely up there all by yourself,
Like I have been my whole life,
Maybe I can save you too?

How can you be so powerful?
Why won’t you let the emptiness cave in?
Your mind is made up.
Your love, a complete mystery, it has been.

Or do you cry with me
As I try to end something that’s not yet finished?
Skipping pages,
skimmed but not yet read?
Paper cuts but not yet red...

My Podcast: Storytime with Freddy The Teddy

Hello to my fallen angels! It has been so long since I felt inspired enough to add to my blog. Luckily for you, I now have my own podcast! If you were a longtime fan of my blog, now you could listen to my voice on the following podcast platforms:

Anchor

RadioPublic

Breaker

Spotify

Google Podcasts

PocketCasts

Enjoy! There are already over 20 episodes so far! Delve into the mystery and become an avid listener of “Storytime with Freddy the Teddy 🐻” today!

Speechless

There were so many people
some were fun
some were evil
everyone got in the way
till you came
by one day
the last time that I saw you
we did coke
in my car
I never thought we’d get far
stumblin’
out of the bar
You took the time to know me
you were sad
I was lonely
I had judged you so quickly
enabled
you slowly
I’m sorry I forgive you
just come back
I miss you
my life is so empty
meaningless
without you
tell me how low you can go
please show me
I must know
love hides behind words unsaid
is that why
you’re speechless?

Party in the Clouds

The party in the clouds floats over a viridescent canopy,

whisking me away on a rather lavishing odyssey,

Every time I inhale from anxious beginning to beguiling end,

Playing near the flat line where the fork will bend,

No matter how much blood I shed with broken windows,

I can’t get you out of my veins from which the white girl blows

The flames off all the candles planted in the cake

While matches ignite plants until everyone is baked

No matter how many I dance with too closely on the dancefloor,

I can’t get rid of the pain while I breathe in the clouds once more.

I lost my present when I lost you.

So it’s redundant to say to you

No matter how high the music gets loud

I lost myself in this party in the clouds.

The Little Kitty

now it’s time to feed

The Little Kitty

she is so hungry

but i don’t notice

through the iridescence

stumblin’ over the pressure

unsure…

of what needs to be done

all i do is stay trapped

in my mind with you

tell me that you’ll stay the same

so that i don’t have to change too

in a world of make believe

in a world of sanctity

we are one and the same

it’s true…

now it’s time to see

The Little Kitty

dehydrated

but i don’t notice

through the concupiscence

fallin’ over the lesson

listen…

tell me what needs to be done

all i do is stay trapped

in my mind with you

tell me that you’ll stay the same

so that I don’t have to change too

in a world of make believe

in a world of sanctity

we are one and the same

it’s true…

Poor Little Kitty

don’t know what to expect lately

maybe…

i know what needs to be done

all i did was stay trapped

in my mind with you

i don’t care if you stay the same

but I need to change too

The Apocalypse Game

I never considered it futile

To carry the weight of your pain

A gift conceived by angels

Dark blessings offered in vain

I thought there was something to gain

In never leaving your side

And getting drenched in the rain

You must have felt so much pride

Humans taught me how to be

But they didn’t quite succeed

And so I encompass your light

I’ll forever inhabit the divine

Racing Thoughts

Did I successfully slash his second tire did I assert a deep tone of voice when I yelled at him did I break his phone beyond repair did I impede on his daily schedule did he stay up all night thinking about me too did he wonder what he did wrong does he regret what he did does he understand the reasoning behind my retaliation does he still want to be with me did we have a chance at true love does He hate me now do I hate him should I have killed him should I have pressed charges should I go back to his house for revenge should I invoke a false sense of security claiming to seek forgiveness before I take his life from him did I do the best I could to do the right thing did he shed tears for me would he take me back can I get away with murder am I the hero of this tale am I the villain being molded by this origin story did I make him fear for his life did I enjoy seeing the shock emanating from his pale-face did I do this because I was drunk and high would I have done this if I was sober do I drink too much am I an alcoholic am I a drug addict am I a sex addict do I enjoy making him cry does he enjoy watching me in pain was this a lesson I needed to learn did I fuck up something that could have salvaged me did I overreact did I under-react should I reach out to him should I leave him alone can we move past this can we talk about it am I past the point of no return??????????????????

Holding Hands

Encompassing the world like a siege upon the castle

For buried mementos scavenged from a time capsule

Waves unable to move forward due to stubborn sand dunes

Plums ripe under harsh sunlight shrivels them to prunes

Holding hands

Basking in the peace

Holding hands

Where all conflict cease

So tired

Retired

Holding hands

Falling asleep

Pulled into the earth like a vampire so desperate to die

For losing loved ones due to old age is so depressing to survive

Flames unable to be extinguished for lack of air in the lungs

Hearts pump under silent moonlight exposes them to dust

Holding hands

Basking in the peace

Holding hands

Where all conflict cease

So tired

Retired

Holding hands

Falling asleep

I’m Going On

I’m going on

When a laureate could explain why

And no reverend could absolve

I’m going on

When there is no red X,

no good counsel

And no highway to heaven

I’m going on

When existing is a burden

And no mother will take us in

I’m going on

When love is a satire,

a wasted expense

And you become past tense

I’m going on

___________I’m going on

______________________I’m going on

To my beloved

If you were the greatest thing that happened to me,

Would I know it?

If your love was like a flower,

I would plant it,

I would grow it.

You gave me all your body.

I know I’m strong enough to hold it.

If I show you all my demons

and we dive off the plateau,

would we fall and drown like every time before?

I can tell you all my secrets.

I would wrap my arms around your weakness.

If I relinquish my emotion,

would you even want to take it?

If you gave me all your trust now,

would I stumble and break it?

If I get scared and run away,

would you reel me back in?

If the only other option is letting go,

I’ll stay vulnerable.

If we sever the ties from our pasts,

Will there be room for the present?

You are stronger than your aggressor.

Your light pierces through the darkness you own.

You are beautiful inside and out

I admire how you don’t give up on people

for I have done it every time.

No matter what flaws they unleash,

you never forget their good side.

you are remorse

you are healing

you are resilience

you are strong

you are kind

you are wise

you are doing the best you can!

If you give me every piece of yourself,

you know that I can drop it.

Relentless generosity

Give me a chance

You know I can take advantage once I got it

If you gave me the opportunity,

would I blow it?

If the only other option is letting go,

I’ll stay vulnerable