The One-Eyed Angel fucks conformity

Conforming is predictable, safe, and adaptive to one’s individual place in the world. It is easy to abide by something that is so trivial. Little thought and energy is given to doing things that one normally does. Social norms allow one to experience a sense of safety and security, reassurance, especially in times of discomfort or distress. It is like a safety net, something to fall back on, and something to rely on. One’s comfort zone is a place of familiarity and tranquility. It distills the pressures that life presents, the uncertainty of the future, and the fear that follows close behind.

On the other hand, conformity can also refrain one from trying new things or exploring different realms of understanding the world. People genuinely fear the unknown and conforming is a way one adapts to the changes that life presents us. It can render us from taking necessary risks. Also, it could dissuade us from breaking free of complacence. There is a whole world out there to interact with, to learn from, to experience, but conforming can ultimately hold us back from fully harnessing our potential.

Breaking free of social constructs could also leave one to deviate further and further from the status quo. It alleviates the burden of figuring out how to escape from the confines of one’s mind. It could also prevent any means to abscond from what is expected of us.

Personally, from the outside looking in, most people think I’m crazy. From my point of view, living within the craziness, it merely feels like I’m being chastised for being honest within a world of liars.

After 25 years, I still don’t know what it means to be human. I don’t know if it’s ever possible to stray away from the pressure to confirm. Unless the existential dread that I garner every day is the embodiment of humanity. But at this point in my life, I try not to be negative. I try not to be consumed in the darkness of my past. I tell myself that I’ve reached the other side of the tunnel and being humble is proof of that.

I refuse to close myself off from the world. I won’t allow myself to overgeneralize or to assume every person will hurt me simply because a few actually did. Otherwise, I would be no different than those who actually deserve to be condemned in that fucking box I place the whole world in! I’m not going to let my insecurities or my hurt feelings sever my ties to humanity. Or else this unrelenting misery will be all I’ll ever know. And conforming will forever be an inevitability.

I don’t think society is getting worse though. I think the plethora of national occurrences had always been happening. Perhaps society, itself, is becoming more self-aware. Things that used to happen behind closed doors, things that we were once ashamed to admit to anyone – are coming to light. Instead of judging the truth for what it is, we should learn from these horrific events because how else will humanity evolve?

Are there any jobs out there where everyone can be as gay as they fucking want without discrimination? Jesus fucking Christ! Why do social constructs exist where only people confined in the box labeled “majority” can thrive? Like why do I have to be a certain way and come from a certain place and look a certain way to be treated fairly? I question social and cultural constructs and norms all the time when most people abide by them without question. I feel like an alien living in an unfair Utopia where hard work and dedication doesn’t mean anything if you don’t fit the cookie cutter lifestyle that’s expected of us. Fuck conformity! Fuck social acceptance! Hail deviance! Hail satan!

It seems like everything is a social construct. For some reason, women earn 80 cents on the dollar compared to men for doing the same shit as of 2018. It’s even less for women of color. What the fuck is that all about? How come throughout time anyone who isn’t a rich, white, straight man got treated like shit? Why does it matter if you’re male or female or gay or bisexual or transsexual or non-binary or cisgendered? Who cares if you’re black, white, asian, yellow, Hispanic, or Krytonian for fuck’s sake? We are all equals. Point blank.

It used to be legal to own a slave. It used to be illegal to help a runaway slave. People used to think the Earth was flat. And anyone who thought the world was round was ostracized. The pilgrims left Europe to find The New World where they can be free to be themselves and to practice any religion they like. Look how that turned out too! And then we have Columbus Day? He didn’t even discover America! The Native Americans were here way before we were. And the pilgrims just pushed them further and further west until they all splashed right into the Pacific Ocean. Everything is bullshit! The textbooks that we have our children read as ultimate truth? This whole society is built on lies!

I always tell myself that every single life is precious, but there are some days when it’s harder to believe that. Meditation, grounding, centering, and shielding helps remind me that despite the chaos that occurs all around the world, there is also astounding beauty surrounding us all. There are two sides to every coin. You can generalize and say the world and its inhabitants are doomed to hell. However, generalizations are merely logical fallacies. You can ultimately create a theory out of anything, but that doesn’t mean it’s right. Tragedy humbles us, builds our resilience, and allows us opportunities to take part in helping others. Good stems from evil. And the majority will never keep us down!

Most people tend to project their own insecurities and their own morals and beliefs onto other people. Most of the time, whenever someone treats you in a negative way, it usually has nothing to do with you at all. You have every right to occupy space in this world just as much as anyone else. No more, no less. Don’t let other people force their own morals and beliefs onto you. Don’t feel ashamed when they’re disappointed that your truth doesn’t match theirs. For this world is full of so many possibilities. Each living thing has an entirely unique experience.. The sights they see.. the sounds they hear…. the lives they live.. are so complicated and yet so simple. Regardless, you’re something extraordinary… you’re a human being.

An Interlude

From the outside looking in, most people think I’m crazy. From my point of view, living within the craziness, it merely feels like I’m being chastised for being honest within a world of liars.

After 25 years, I still don’t know what it means to be human. Unless the existential dread that I garner every day is the embodiment of humanity. But at this point in my life, I try not to be negative. I try not to be consumed in the darkness of my past. I tell myself that I’ve reached the other side of the tunnel and being humble is proof of that.

Jane The Virgin S5E1 Monologue

I have binge-watched every episode of Jane the Virgin. I am up-to-date as of right now on season 5 episode 1 that aired yesterday. There was a 7 1/2 minute monologue that Jane did expressing how she’s trying to cope with Michael’s return. It destroyed me. I broke down seeing her like that. That’s how I get when I’m really upset. She exuded symptoms of mania, and Gina Rodriguez should get an Emmy just for this scene alone. It expressed exactly how she felt about Michael returning from the dead. If you’ve seen every episode like I have and then watched this scene, you’ll understand, with context, the importance and the raw emotion emanating from this monologue. I’m going to miss Jane the Virgin. This is the last season. And it’s starting off at a really great note.

(I have no rights to this footage)

Open Your Mind

I close my eyes to feel everything

How long has it been since you exiled me into a land of desolation?
How many times did you repress your memories of me into submission?
How often did you reassure me that I could be myself
As long as I had achieved your quintessential expectations?

I don’t need you to respect me
‘Cus I respect me,
Nor do I need you to love me
‘Cus I love me,
But I want you to know
That you can get to know me,

If you would just open your mind

Breath of Death

Entombed within the roots of the mother

Reaching for a star feeling smothered

She provides all the nutrients you need

But you choose not to breathe

For every breath is paradise

You crave an early demise

Succumb to the entrenched

In her tears you will be drenched

Pools of salted crimes

By men throughout time

Man can’t avoid being pulled into the earth

Only time keeps you from the demiurge

You do nothing but wait for termination

Reaching for a constellation

So desperate to abscond the truth

This miasma will be the death of you too

Greater Than The Sum Of Their Parts

My mother held the Qur’an,

Condemning me to hell,

My father wore saffron,

Nowhere to be found,

Religious zealot,

With such a closed mind,

Criminal derelict,

Lacks the holy and divine,

Rebuke social deviance,

Perhaps conformity is wrong,

Mens rea to actus reus,

Behind bars for so long,

A hijab I do not wear,

Nor do I commit torts,

I am greater,

Than the sum of their parts

A Home Inside You

I thought love was in the drugs,

Never having too much,

Never having enough,

I thought love was in a drink,

Forget what I’ve lost,

Forget how to think,

I thought love was on the stage,

Giving myself to strangers,

Giving into the fear,

Then it tries to find a home inside you,

But I’m so alone,

Staring down at my phone

The Language of Fear

There are so many endless possibilities, so much so that it feels pointless to pursue any path in life at all.

I garner a plethora of talents and yet I blame others for these talents not being recognized outside of my own spectrum of reality.

And I blame others, as well, for my inadequacies and for refusing to escape from my comfort zone by any means necessary.

What is there to do when you’re so used to following the same old script day-in-and-day-out all your life?

The same habits,

the same addictions,

the same mannerisms,

the same routine,

over and over again…

I am to blame for this misfortune but I’m not going to leave out my childhood either.

It seems to me like we all live this cruel existence consisting of emotional suffering in a constant recollection of one’s past.

It’s like we’re in a play where we just live in chronic turmoil while God observes from the sidelines.

Mankind seems to be a mere source of amusement for this higher being that we all perceive differently.

Within the darkness of doubt, I can hear Him whisper softly in the language of fear:

“Fallen victim to your crime

You used to pray for space

Drown in Me one more time

And mend your wicked ways”

Unscripted II (2 of 2)

(Transcribed from 5:59 to end)

For the longest,

I thought I was worthless

That I was nothing but an insignificant means for people to let out their frustrations on

A punching bag

An easy target

Because my kindness and my big heart is mistaken for weakness in this world

And we are socially conditioned to see it as weakness

And emotion

But it’s the fine arts that stretches the boundaries of that

Of everything

And that is who I am

Yes!

I will defy society whichever way I can

And I will be the loneliest man in the world if it meant that I can just be myself

And I lie here at three in the morning

After my guided meditation

After my trip to the spiritual realm

And I lay here in my bed

And I don’t see it as half the bed being filled

I see it as more space for me

More comfort for me

And the Law of Attraction,

I’ve been ignoring,

Like I said

But no more!

Because whatever I want and whatever I desire can be obtainable if I just change my mindset

It all starts there

And to be grateful for the things I want,

Even if I don’t have it right now

But that the things that I want are en route

That they are coming

If I can just imagine myself already in riches and in love again

Where I don’t have to worry about bills

And debt

Or loneliness

I will never feel alone again

And I don’t feel alone because I tell myself I am not alone

And I am not poor because I tell myself I’m not poor

there are people far off worse than me

And there are people better than me…

…in one aspect or another

I feel like we’re just in between two ultimate extremes

And I’m okay being average

Because I am the best at being myself

And I will find a way through this

Being completely honest with myself right now

I want you all to see this

To feel this

I hope to God that you’ll be understood

That I’ll be understood

That we can live in a world where we’re understood

No matter how vulgar

Or how obscene

Or how inappropriate

My feelings or how I convey my feelings and emotions

It’s who I am

And everything I say and do and think can be relatable to another human being

Anything a human can create,

Another can understand it

That way, I’m not alone

I tell myself I am not alone because I am not alone

I’m here with you all

On Earth

We’re all human

We’re all the same species

I am with you

And you are with me

With every breath I take

[deep breath]