Prior To The Holy Rite

Cool wind sways
Through an opportunity,
Silence shrieks the truth,
A sigh melts my lips’ curvature,
Abrupt escape
From trauma’s precipice,
Safe return from a nightmare deferred,
Darkest before
The penultimate interim to Him

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

An Angel’s Awakening (A-CUBED)

image

Good morning to my blessed fallen angels! I finally got baptized today! It’s been long-awaited. (Aww! Look at me in my church clothes as opposed to my gothic garb.) I’m officially an Episcopalian now! I love my church family! I love God! People can disappoint me, betray me, neglect me, abuse me, avoid me, judge me, use me, and hurt me but I’m so happy to give myself up to The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit. I never have to worry about God doing any of those things to me that people have done time and time again. It’s all trials and tribulations. It’s expected to go through hardship in life in one way or another. I am definitely not an exception to that biblical rule. I have no regrets, no held grudges, and no hatred towards anyone or anything. Everything I have been through (“The Sufie Saga”) led me to this moment. My mother told me I made her depressed and that she should’ve aborted me, but I forgive her. The only man I have ever loved (so far…) broke my heart in ways I never thought was humanly possible, but I forgive him too. I’m so emotionally resilient. I have been abused physically, mentally, sexually, emotionally, and even spiritually (by a psychic Narcissist). However, I still manage to get out of bed in the morning, smile, laugh (sometimes manically), and uphold my daily responsibilities. Three weeks from now, I’m starting acolyte training to someday become a priest. I’m also in college to be a therapist for people with mental health problems. And I garner spiritual abilities of my own. Just yesterday, I was contemplating killing myself, but it’s amazing how God can save me just when I feel like giving up. I am going to help and heal a lot of people! I’m gonna make this world a better place than when I found it! On the other hand, I will still don the name, The One-Eyed Angel because this darkness infested with depression and rage will always be a part of me. It has helped me survive through the worst of times and helped me appreciate with ultimate gratitude the best of times. All emotions are temporary, both good and bad. I know I’m not gonna feel this happiness consistently for the rest of my life, but I accept that simply because I must accept that. Although I don’t have any close friends or family members who went to my baptism today, I have acknowledged already that my life is a lonely one so no surprises that no one outside my church family came today. I’m okay though. There must be some valid reason God didn’t place too many people in my life. Some can handle society while some can’t. To each his own. Have a wonderful day! Over and out.

image

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

Rowan Williams’s “Being Christian: Baptism, Bible, Eucharist, Prayer”

Good morning to my literate fallen angels! What’s up? Lol So today I wanted to take a short break from poetry to do a review on this book my priest gave me. I finished reading it over a week ago but I got so caught up in my poetic injustice that it totally slipped my mind until now. Anyway, the title of the book is the same as the title of this post so no need to repeat myself. There were only four chapters and 80 pages altogether so it was quite an easy read. Baptism. Bible. Eucharist. Prayer. You probably noticed me using these four terms in my previous posts as of late. I’m not sure that someone born into Christianity is supposed to go in the same order as I stated or if it’s in a random sequence. Regardless I definitely didn’t go in order. I thought Baptism was a way to cleanse my spirit of sin but it’s much more than that. Williams’ ideals on Baptism were that it’s a way to allow the Holy Spirit to enter your life to accept that we are all suffering one way or another but we should acknowledge it and be there for one another. The text font and size made it even easier to comprehend what he was saying. Bible was the name of the second chapter. I thought the Bible was a collection of stories about the past when Jesus was still around but by reading Being Christian, I now realize that was the tip of the Iceberg. The Bible is a book of revelations which are basically all the trials and tribulations a person is destined to go through one way or another. It’s not about the confusing family trees or the hard-to-pronounce names. But it’s about putting yourself in the characters’ shoes. It’s about handling situations of all sorts. Everything that happens in our lives happened to our ancestors and the generations before us as well as future generations. Love. Heartbreak. Corruption. Betrayal. Family quarrels. Adultery. Politics. That list literally goes on and on. Check out my older post: Life is a play! I usually don’t use the word literally unless the situation calls for it and this one certainly does. I learned in the third chapter that Eucharist is not for a select group of chosen people but a way to imitate and symbolize the Last Supper. Bread is His body, Wine is His blood. We “feast” as a way to appreciate Jesus’s sacrifice on the cross. I notice from personal experience that a priest doesn’t let you partake in the “feast” unless you’ve been Baptized. I always have to cross my arms over my chest until I get Baptized sometime in November. It’s better than being completely left out. Prayer is the last chapter and it had me improving the way I pray. It’s not about talking to God directly but talking to Him through Jesus. For Jesus was God in human form as a way to prove to mankind that he was real. Before Christ, barely anyone believed in God but they couldn’t see him for themselves. Gratitude. Forgiveness. Blessing. Some reasons prayer is done. I enjoyed reading this book and I will treasure it always. The discussion questions at the end of each chapter and the margined quotes that stood out from the reading made it easier for me to focus and comprehend what each chapter was really about. Overall, I would give this book a 4.5/5. Now I know for sure what it takes to be Christian. If I came across as preachy or Jehovah-witnessy, I apologize for this nuisance. But it’s a book review and if you don’t want to be preached then don’t see it that way. I love you all, my fallen angels! In every passage in the Bible, love always conquers all forms of evil. So let’s stop being negative and open ourselves up to new experiences and ideas. Get to know one another as much as possible. No gossip or digging for dirt on each other, but really allow yourself to understand how another person views the world and their beliefs. Agree to disagree. Have a wonderful day! Over and out.
image

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! 🙂

Loneliness and guilty pleasures

Brimstone and shadow shrouds my soul,
Makes me unapproachable,
Suffocating the light within,
With selfish acts of sin,
I know that it’s wrong to comply,
With the darkness deep inside,
The faithless and spiritually blind,
Cannot see nor fathom my kind,
Fallen angels guarding what consumes us,
Memories resonate of an incubus,
Fear and intrigue morphed into love,
Red flags ignored warnings from above,
Events occur way beyond my maturity level,
Inevitable death fabricated damsel,
Screaming out distorted love songs,
Sirens casting out lectures amongst,
The loneliness can replace the devil beneath the sheets,
Guilty pleasures in the form of love stains meets,
Underneath a canopy of infatuation,
Submerged further into oblivious condemnation,
Rock bottom is my summer resort,
Acrobatics convey with their bodies contort,
Lethargy and hopelessness is a comfortable satire,
To wear to the ball before clock strikes midnight’s dire,
Unveiling of the truth behind the mask,
Questions I was too afraid to ask,
Answers that can kill me instantly,
Better to live loved faintly,
Lies and bittersweet fellatios,
And meaningless exchanges of promises forms ratios,
Truth slays my heart forever more,
Need time to self-reflect escape the masquerade ball,
Seek salvation as I delve into the mystery,
My closed mind opened so I brace myself to feel life’s agony,
Holy retribution and holy water divine,
Baptism isn’t a cure-all nor is it a drawn line,
The bible shouldn’t be a bibliographical anomaly for zealots,
Eucharist is the coming of saints acknowledging their imperfections, Prayer is to submit and admit I’m nothing but a dot,
In life’s perpetual and everlasting discretion,
I’ll admit that i know nothing compared to what I could know,
If I knew life’s secrets I would lose my mind,
To live contempt and in the moment I’ll show,
God that I am worthy of being risen and not left behind

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! 🙂

What’s true vs. What’s right

Good morning my beautiful fallen angels! How are you on this lovely day? New adventures will be embarked on today just like any other day. Anyway, today, I would like to discuss the concept of truth versus the concept of righteousness. I haven’t been baptized before because I lived in a Muslim family growing up. But I’m planning on getting baptized sometime this Summer. Today I spoke with my priest again for the second Tuesday ever. I am still new in the ways of Christianity so he helps me with any questions I have (I have many questions! Lol) as well as discuss philosophy. I enjoy my little chats with Father Mark. One topic we came across was the difference between ethics and honesty. He told me a brief example. He said, “if it was still World War 2 times and you were harboring Jews in your cellar before the Nazis knocked on your door, would you lie to them and say no or tell them the truth?” It’s a question of conflict between the two concepts I mentioned already. Telling the truth saves the lives of the Jews while lying in itself is supposedly wrong. It’s got me to thinking about corruption in the world which when snowballed to the Illuminati. The coexistence of a truth and a lie and whose to argue that the Illuminati is right or wrong made our discussion a philosophical one. And if corruption in itself is the norm, then it defeats the very definition of corruption. My priest then tied the conversation back to the core topic at hand (my inevitable baptism) when I thought the conversation went on a huge tangent. He said, “we all walk on this road, while we carry the load, as we walk side by side towards the oriented (the way towards the light). Humans tend to stray away from the light sometimes but it’s up to us to not let our sins distract us from the way. What’s true and what’s right may differ from everyone and any given situation. But the majority of people believe that any decisions they make have a justifiable reason for being good even when it’s not. For the most part, we are doing the best we can.” I am spellbound by discussions I have with my priest or my clinician too. I prefer conversations pertaining to something bigger than ourselves rather than having to dumb myself down to talk to my peers about social media or celebrities. This is why I usually don’t associate with people in my own age group. It may be true as to what I’m saying about people my age but is it right to imply that they are normally naive? Or maybe it’s not true, that it’s just my general opinion? Who knows? I tend to generalize a lot regardless so perhaps it’s not true. I’m human just like everyone else and it’s not in my place to decide what’s right in comparison to what’s true in response to others. But it’s safe to say I can decide that for myself about myself. Well that was quite philosophical. Heed my words and have a wonderful day, my fallen angels! Over and out.