If no one else can see it

Good morning to my expressive fallen angels! What do you have planned for this weekend? So today, I woke up recalling the times when I still lived with my mother. I remember sometimes she would get her hair done. Beautifully styled to compliment the women on the shows on TV Land we used to watch together. Why did this random memory resurface today? I notice that my first thought of the day usually composes of either my ex or my mother. The two people who hurt me the most are the two people I once loved the most. The pain has been nullified as the time goes by but pain demands to be felt. My mother hid her beauty under a hijab (a shawl muslim women wear to cover their scalps). My ex hid his heart within the abysmal darkness that made up his walls. I’m not like them. I take pleasure in that fact. I don’t repress anything. My heart and my masculine beauty may be hidden by most but not all. I am not a generalization. I understand that if most people can’t see the real me, then it’s because I don’t let them get to know me. This loneliness is eating me alive but I forgot how to live any other way. I’m an introvert. Apart from you, my fallen angels, only my therapist has access to my rantings. But who am I to you? Who are you to me? Does it really matter if no one can see it? I’m just a fabricated leviathan easily slain. I think very highly of myself but I’m only human. One fatal draw of fate can end my time in this world. My body is merely a vessel of biblical proportions. Then again, I’m relying on belief that this life is worth living. Nothing is proven. But to sum it all up, perhaps loneliness is one of the truest things there is and whether or not I let myself establish external connections with others makes no difference either way. Maybe I’m right or maybe it’s just another theory piled on infinite other postulates by other Philosophers. At least I know for myself where my salvation came from. I can only hope that you find yours too, if you haven’t done so already. Age is no correlation to when you’ll discover it. Time treats the soul differently. With that positive note, I wish you all a wonderful day! Over and out.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading ๐Ÿ™‚

Standing by for fun…

Good morning to my misunderstood fallen angels! It’s been a while since I last posted something other than poetry, random reviews, and reblogs. For that, I humbly repent. So let’s get to it, shall we? After my first heartbreak, I’m not really in a rush to get my heart broken again. So I sit idly by as all my friends are all in relationships. But looking back, the fact that I even have friends now is quite an accomplishment on my behalf. And also another fact that I went from dealing with hardcore issues to mere high school shit is a blessing in disguise. Yeah, I may be single and lonely but I’m focusing on myself. I’m getting my driver’s license this Thursday and I started my second semester in college today. Apart from those goals reached, I also have a job now as a Suicide Warmline Operator. It’s just I’m so proud of myself. And I deserve it because I have been through so much. Besides, all my past relationships were unhealthy and affected me severely. And I’m saving up for a car. So I’m not gonna bother wasting money on dates where they just end badly anyway. Money that would better suit me in the long run if I just save it. I am at my best at this point in my life and when I fall in love, I fall hard. But at the end of it all, I have no regrets whatsoever. Hardship is the only way to strengthen the soul, I always say. I’ve survived worse. I’m keeping myself busy now that my Summer is over. I don’t see it as running away from my problems or repressing my feelings. I see it more as staying proactive, acknowledging my past and how it affects me to this day, and trying to move forward with my life. God takes someone out of your life to make room for someone better. That’s what I always tell myself. And a life without goals or purpose is a life not worth living. That’s why I keep it moving. I also realize that although not even my friends can understand me, no one will ever fully understand ever. To expect people to fully fathom my existence would be foolish. That’s too much expectations on anyone. And to be honest, I don’t want people, even the closest people to me, to figure out my mystery because anyone can betray me. I am only in complete control over myself. I am okay with that. So with that paranoia-infected note, I hope you all have a wonderful day! Over and out.

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Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading ๐Ÿ™‚

Allegory of the Spiritually Lost

Johnny thought his mind was his own. But there came a time in his life where he realized anyone can have control of it if he lets them. This world was full of disturbing, unfathomable, and powerful beings. They wore the same skin as humans but it was their red eyes that gave away their true identity. Hell-Dwellers. Henchmen of darkness that remained even after the Human Resistance successfully overthrew the Dark King and reclaimed Earth. Friends, family, lovers, anyone could be a Hell-Dweller. The only way to know for sure would be to open yourself up a little. Let someone step into your mind. Even then all we really want is to be loved. Only demons are incapable of love.

Johnny had been engaged to a girl named Lexi. Little did he know her tough exterior and strong personality that once captivated him became the most fearful part of her persona. She told him she loved him. They went out for a year before Johnny popped the question. She said yes through smiling teeth for Lexi knew her charms had worked on him the way she originally intended. The young man looked back to his past relationship with Lexi but had to keep in mind that the Tech Age was governed by only three laws.

Law of attraction is the knowledge that if you are positive, then positivity will always come your way and if you are negative, then only negativity can exist in your mind. Law of allowance lets oneself think new thoughts and experience new experiences without letting fear or anxiety render. Law of acceptance is to accept that things are the way they are and one seldom has control over anything or anyone. These three laws resided in every living creature. Hell-Dwellers had their own warped version of the Trinity.

Johnny threw caution to the wind when he allowed Lexi into his heart. But he never saw her as a mistake. Innocence shrouded him prior to their short-lived civil union. Since he let himself experience the ups and downs, the puppy love and the heartbreak, his innocence was lost. But that didn’t have to be a bad thing. Spiritual maturity enveloped him as he constructed his empathic shields that protected him from further harm. Centering was a daily chore that he enjoyed because it expelled any negative thoughts away from Johnny’s reality. Grounding reminded him that he was not alone, that a divine being had interwoven his life with the lives all around him. Sometimes all these precautionary measures didn’t seem like enough. So he praised to the New Olympians for a spiritual guide to show him the way to alleviate a broken heart.

They answered his prayer as soon as they knew Johnny would be ready to hear it. “You are doing the best you can. You are a beautiful soul and your strength will carry you away from all your fears and anxiety. Lexi was a descendant of the Demon King. Oblivious to the fact that love, unconditional, can defeat all evil. The Human Resistance knew that and it was their fellowship and their love their allies that demolished the reign of demons. Instill that knowledge and make friends of your own. Find the courage to reach out to others for there are others like you who are lost, alone, and afraid to be happy.” It takes a smile, a greeting, any benign gesture, no matter small, to kill the darkness within another. Johnny felt sorry for Lexi. Her voyage to reinitiate the Demon King’s lost dynasty will forever be void of love and friendship.

The first law reassured Johnny that he must be positive and the right woman will heal his heart someday. The second law helped him make new friends and allies. The last law allowed him to be contempt with Lexi’s near-killing blow and move forward with new life lessons learned. He had faith that she would see the error of her ways, but he wasn’t holding his breath for a second.

Psyche, the New Goddess of the Triskelion, looked down from Mt. Olympus endearingly at Johnny. Eros, the New God of Truth and Belief, wrapped his arm around his lover. “Johnny is definitely our son. He has the same personal growth rate that you do, and my faith that love will always defeat evil.”

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Words that make your skin crawl

Good morning! Today I will be a motivational speaker at Capital Region Mental Health Center in my state. Just yesterday I was feeling pretty low about myself. But I know even at the worst of times, things always seem to fall nicely into place afterwards. A friend once told me that when something bad happens, it’s never the end of the world but it’s also okay to not feel okay about something. Those words stayed with me even after I scared him off that day when I was venting to him. For the longest, I felt like I was trapped inside my mind, like I created this fantasy world within myself that I can’t escape from. I’m always on survival mode, like I’m forever in The Hunger Games arena. It may be paranoia; maybe because I subconsciously assume everyone wants to hurt me. But sometimes I have to stay home for a while to relieve my anxiety. That’s when I start listening and discovering new music that really speaks to me as if the singer sung the song especially for me. There are many songs that make my skin crawl and resurrect the butterflies that I thought died the moment I put aside my childish ways. One of them is Christina Perri’s I Believe. I posted the lyrics video so that you don’t miss any beautiful word. I love Christina Perri! A lot of people don’t because her music is deemed as depressing. But that’s what I hate about society, they try so hard to encourage happiness when at the same time, they are negating any form of sadness. Sadness, depression, misery, tradegy, loss, they all exist regardless how much we repress those emotions. It’s like frowning is even frowned upon. Songs like this let’s me know that it’s okay to not feel okay today. But the Sun will always rise. Have a wonderful day, my fallen angels! Wish me luck on my inspirational speech! Over and out.

Watch “I believe Christina Perri lyrics” on YouTube