An Ex’s Cameo

Completely disregard what I said in Monday, Tuesday, busy days! Wednesday, Thursday, busy days! I had a horrible day yesterday! I ran into my ex-fiance on the bus heading to work. I was on my phone playing with my apps when he walked on the bus and stood a few feet away. I felt like someone stabbed me in the chest. He glanced at me and said to himself, “oh shit!” and pretended he didn’t notice me as he sat near the front of the bus. Mind you, I saw this in my peripheral vision so he didn’t know I noticed him. So I put my phone away back into its holster and I just stared at the back of his shaved, oblong head. The bus had been packed until half the occupants got off on the same stop. My ex got up to change seats when he finally noticed I was staring at him. He tried to be nonchalant with a nod accompanied by a tiny grin. But he clearly didn’t want to talk to me. There was an empty seat nearby him and I wasn’t going to miss this opportunity. I hadn’t seen him in over a year prior so who knows when I was ever going to run into him again. I sat beside him and said: “Hey! How are you?”
He said, “Good.”
Me: “Me too.”
Him: “So I didn’t know you go by this side of town.”
Me: “Yeah, I work around here now. At Toivo.”
Him: “That’s only a few blocks away…”
Me: “So you still live on Park Street?”
Him: “I never lived there before.”
Me: “Oh… where do you live now?”
Him: “Maple Street -”
Then awkward silence consumed the following 30 seconds.
Me: “I wanted to thank you.”
Him: “For what?”
Me: “For everything.”
He smiled. I stroked a Narcissist’s ego, apparently.
My bus stop was coming up.
He began to drone on and on about how he’s trying to renew his license and to get a car.
I tuned him out at this point. He was just gonna talk about himself. I’m also trying to get my driver’s license and a car but I wasn’t gonna say much more.
I had nothing to prove to him and I no longer expected anything from him.
When my bus stop finally came, I shook his hand and told him to have a great day before I departed.
Once I arrived at my job, I broke down but luckily my co-workers are some of my best friends and they supported me. I talked it out. They assured me I handled it very well and that I’m a strong, resilient person. We shared anecdotes and then we resumed our work. Surprisingly, I felt a lot better afterward. I was able to do everything I had to do yesterday. I even slept a full eight hours when I got home. Maybe that was the closure I needed. Maybe I’m finally over him.

Feel free to like and comment on this post and I will do the same for you. Also, please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B012BSPFCQ/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1452971409&sr=1-1&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=The+Pandemonium+Chronicles

Bedridden Bedlam

Incandescence of the typical,
I’ll just sleep alone
Tonight. Again.

Philanderer ignores my call,
I’ll reap what I sow
Tonight. Again.

I can’t shake a whore tree
And expect an angel to fall out.
It’s daubed in permafrost,
Got the flu when innocence lost.
Not even bedridden bedlam
Knows where it could be found.

So I’ll just sleep alone,
I’ll reap what I sow
Tonight. Again.

Salvation VI

Salvation:
I II III IV V

I really admire the people who are closer towards pursuing their own salvation than I am.
There’s no need to be envious or to posthaste.
It’s harder to chant the truth that I’m ahead of some like some are of me.
The pursuit of happiness isn’t a race.
It’s a herd of lamb led by a shepherd.
Our wool upon our backs vary in weight.
Our hooves are different in girth and shape.
However it’s our goals that allow us to persevere through our shortcomings.
We’re all born in glass houses and opposable thumbs make it effortless to throw stones.
Look at how imperfect we are!
Blurred silhouettes of lamb-men hybrids consumed by the desire to be normal.

Seductress, Mistress of Darkness

Hello to my sexy fallen angels! I told you all a while ago that I was doing drag. Well the drag show came and went on November 18th of 2015. The drag show was called ComiQueens. The first portion was an anime/video game tournament while the second and last part was for the Queens. I played my role as Seductress, Mistress of Darkness!

My college is still currently editing the full video of ComiQueens but somehow, I was able to get 45 seconds of my performance from someone’s phone. Someday I will post the whole video as soon as I get my hands on it.

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Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading ­čÖé

Nothing But Bluebirds From Now On

Earn merit
You’ll inherit
A benign spirit
But I can’t bear it
Always easier said than done;
Nothing but bluebirds from now on.
Ebb & flow down the waterfall
Wait a year to drop a ball
Not even a single call
Metaphorical wall;
If it’s wetter,
It’s better.
I’m the same
Myself to blame
Alone I have came
Like a single player game
Always easier said than done;
Nothing but bluebirds from now on.
Meander through the crime scene
My eyes before weren’t as keen
This is why I’m so mean
Like a troubled teen;
If it’s tethered,
It’s better.
One day
It’ll be okay
Too young to decay
Young enough to go play
Always easier said than done;
Nothing but bluebirds from now on.
Wavelengths with jagged edges
No point trimming hedges
Hanging off ledges
Of hairy wedges
If it’s sharper,
It’s better.
Earn merit
You’ll inherit
A benign spirit
But I can’t bear it
Always easier said than done…

New Year’s Resolutions 2016

Hello to my happy fallen angels! The new year is just around the corner! You all probably noticed a lot of other bloggers already posting their New Year’s resolutions. Perhaps you’ve done a post like this in the past couple days already or maybe I just gave you an idea for the topic of your next blog post. Whatever it may be, I’m happy to instill my season’s greetings upon you all.

New Year’s resolutions for 2016:

1. Join more clubs at my college
2. Read more books
3. Make new friends
4. Be less introverted
5. Continue going to the gym regularly
6. Study more often
7. Get my driver’s license
8. Buy my first car
9. Publish more books
10. Be more positive

So what are your New Year’s resolutions? I would love it if you shared them with me in a comment below. I love you all and I thank you for all the likes, comments, and follows I obtained in 2015! And it was a pleasure returning the favor too. Have a wonderful end of the year! Over and out.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading ­čÖé

Getting Off

It was mid-April and the morning dew gleamed with promise.
I remember when you spun me in your arms like your offspring –
Yet we walked hand in hand playing alongside a dream we sing.
Your visions were seldom all they seemed as your presence was amiss.
You lived in a bleak future and a troublesome past void of bliss.
I preferred to live in the present where I accepted that Winter causes Spring.
Hardship brought you down while it brought me down on ashen knees to present you a ring.
Our locked eyes glistened as the sunset cast forth bright hues dissolving our subtle kiss.

At times you’d wander away from our sanctuary underneath the emerald canopy.
Foreign beauty led you astray beyond the precipice of where the water cascades.
Life insisted we aboard a rollercoaster ride but your love was only visible upon its zenith.
I ran after you once we got off until my heart heaved with shortness of breath.
I reached for your brawny hands with its bumpy veins protruding like blades.
In the land of gods and monsters I am now an angel clinging to the past and you are the master of inevitable death.

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Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading ­čÖé

My Sky

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I gaze up at the ceiling for the first time.
Eggshell white.
Cracks and dents.
A golden ceiling lamp –
So cold and unsure.
A brown ring using the lamp as a central focal point.
The ring only makes it one-fourth of the way around.
Amongst the peculiar wrinkles in time is a prominent indent striking through the lamp.
Looking like a white and gold eyepatch.
My eyes try to avoid the more dominant features of my sky.
Yet wiggly lines are brought into existence only viewed through peripheral vision.
Creating a magical land full of intangible colors and mystery just out of my reach.
Sunlight spills in through the blinds to cover me in black and white stripes.
Prisoner beneath my sky.
Gazing at a magical land full of intangible colors and mystery just out of my reach.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading ­čÖé

Vulnerable Moments

Hello to my guarded fallen angels! Today was Christmas Day so instead of indulging in my self-pity, like I usually do, I decided to get out the house to hang out with some other young adults in DMHAS. The other clients are fake af. I don’t trust them at all. So the day started off with lunch at Home Town Buffet. I’m friendly with the girls like most gay men are but they were very odd today. It was the usual me-pretending-to-hit-on-them-to-make-the-guys-jealous bit. Dumbing-myself-down-to-associate-with-my-age-group bit. There was this one girl who was pregnant with her Nth child saying she was gonna plot to destroy one of her baby daddies. Yeah… what good is gonna come out of that, am I right? Geez… Then this other girl kept saying things in explicit detail about giving birth while I was eating. I didn’t like that. Also, the guys were observing me for some reason. I felt like the main attraction, “The Lone Homo Exhibit” and shit… I’m the only gay man in the whole program so the other guys usually avoid me or laugh at my dark, humorous jokes. The girls started talking about sex which is a topic I can definitely relate to. I indirectly mentioned that I do one-night-stands with guys I don’t know, which is true. They made these weird faces, even the guys, when I joked about it. So we can talk about nasty straight sex but the second I mention gay sex, it’s weird. And I know for a fact those bitches are hoes too. Today was very weird. Then at one point, I say it’s better off being single and alone but this one guy who knows me a tiny bit better than everyone else, replies that I actually hate being alone. I really didn’t like that for some reason. They kept watching me eat and commenting on every gesture or small movement I did. I usually complain about feeling invisible but maybe invisibility is a blessing and not a curse. I act so arrogant and bitchy around my peers and I was so in that zone that I forgot my “purse” (it’s really just one of those bags with a drawstring) when we left to go to the movie theatre. I was in the middle of watching the latest Star Wars movie when I suddenly realized my “purse” wasn’t on me. I went into the lobby to call one of the staff members to ask if they knew where my “purse” was. They assured me that they found it and put it in their state vehicle for me to get after the movie. The thing is, we all dispersed to watch different movies so our movies ended at different times. The staff I spoke to on the phone before I finished watching The Force Awakens called me back 8 times in a two minute timespan while my phone was on silent. I returned her call but she said she couldn’t wait for me any longer so she left. WTF, right? So the other staff member I’m actually a lot closer to was still in the movie theatre and there were several issues that occurred around the same time. I eventually got my “purse” back but still… Weird days like this makes me very grateful that I have an uneventful, dramaless, lonely life after all. Have a wonderful day! Over and out.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading ­čÖé

Truth Serum

When I was 6,

I wished I was a newborn,

When all I worried about was eating, sleeping,

And excreting waste,

 

When I was 10,

I wished I was 6,

When all I was afraid of was going to grade school for the first time

And missing my mom until I returned home,

 

When I was 14,

I wished I was 10,

When all I thought about were the terrifying times I spent alone with my stepdad

And missing my mom until she returned home,

 

When I was 18,

I wished I was 14,

When all I reminisced about was how I secretly enjoyed being abused like a masochist

And missing the only sexual escapade I had throughout my school years,

 

When I was 21,

I wished I was 18,

When I was forced to be exiled┬ábecause my mom thought my dad’s replacement made me gay

And hoping there was more to life than this,

 

When I am 30,

I will wish I was 21,

When all I can recall will be how my ex-fiance severely broke my heart

And how he wonderfully psychologically tormented me,

 

When I am 39,

I will wish I was 30,

When I’ll realize that I am the same age as when my first love left in peace

And left me in pieces,

 

When I am 50,

I will wish I was 39,

When I can remember fondly how agile and resilient I once was

And wondering how I didn’t kill myself a lot sooner

 

When I am 69,

I will not look back anymore,

For dementia will┬áconsume my mind’s occupancy leaving behind┬áthe fact that my age will be one of my favorite sexual positions

And in total relief that I will die any day now

 

 

 

 

*Make sure to take advantage of the eBook sale going on now! From now* until December 26th at 8:00PM, you can buy The Pandemonium Chronicles for only $0.99! (usually $2.99)

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This sale is to celebrate the release of my new book, Trials and Tribulations!

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