Oh well, my heart won’t be around for a long, long time if you’re unkind,
And I hope that you find someone to love you more than I,
Now you’re gone, I don’t know why
To this day I sometimes cry
You didn’t even say goodbye
You didn’t take the time to lie
Oh well, my soul will be around for a short, short time if you don’t believe,
And I hope you find someone to care for you more than me.
You’re not here, I don’t know where
In my bed, I sometimes fear
You didn’t even say hello
You didn’t take the time to call
Oh well, my mind won’t be around in all this space and time if you don’t exist,
And I hope you find someone who needs you enough to persist
You just left, I don’t know when
To this day I sometimes sin
You didn’t even curse my name
You didn’t take the time to blame
Oh well, my body won’t be so wrinkled in time if you’re healed,
And I hope you find someone to crave you enough to feel.
You disappeared, I don’t know how
To this day I sometimes endow
You didn’t even say good luck
You might be straight so we’ll never fuck
Hello to my fallen angels! As a child, I was weak, naive, innocent, vulnerable, and defenseless. I had always been on the receiving end of heartbreak, trauma, abuse, neglect, and disownment. Now that I am grown, I realize just how it feels to inflict pain on others. The tormented becomes the tormentor. I find myself saying things to people that makes them instantly suicidal. A summary of my psychoanalysis of them. Just like the things my ex used to say to me. My ex was psychic and he said that if I knew my future, I would lose my mind and end up in an asylum for the rest of my life. He also said that after two years of knowing each other, he only let me through the side door. He never intended on giving all of himself to me ever. I felt suicidal in a heartbeat. Now there’s this new guy I am talking to that I am no longer interested in. Now I find myself having to end something that will hurt someone the same way my ex hurt me. I already constructed a psychoanalysis of the new guy and if I really wanted to, I could easily destroy him with my words as well. But I would never inflict the amount of pain my ex inflicted on me once upon a time. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. I haven’t really been 100% honest with the new guy. In a nutshell, he lives with his mother, four years older than me, no savings, no car, no friends, no sense of independence, a virgin, and he has the mentality of a female. Which turns me off quite so. Thats a summary. I could put more on this post but nothing good will come out of that. Subconsciously, my ex is my idol, my dark side that I find very sexy yet terrifying at the same time. Why Harley Quinn stays with Joker no matter how much he abuses her? Or why do women stay with abusive men when everyone knows there are ways to get out? It’s because there’s this sick, twisted side of people like me that enjoy being miserable, temperamental, argumentative, and submissive. So now three days straight, the new guy has been texting me hysterical cus I’m no longer replying to my texts. The same reason waiting for my ex’s call was a kind of maddening torture. I don’t know how to let him down gently the same way my ex didn’t even bother doing. I am in a better place in my life than I have ever been. I live alone with a built up savings account for I am very ambitious. I pay my own bills and I been through so much hardship that I am resilient, apathetic, and guarded. Nothing really phases me anymore. Some things that help me cope with a broken heart (as an empath) are practicing daily on grounding, centering, and shielding. The reason I care about letting this new guy down gently is because I want to be a better person my ex was. To be honest, if I never got my heart butchered by my ex’s pink knife, I wouldn’t give a damn about being nice. But my former flame changed the way I see the world. I could become him or forever oppose him. I choose the latter. For if my ex is truly evil, and I am a good soul, then by definition, our forces will forever clash. Not literally, metaphorically. So my good act will be to let the new guy down gently. But how I do that when I’m so used to enjoying hurting people? I’m asking you, my fallen angels, is there a good way to break things off with someone? If so, how? A victim-to-bully-to-redeemed-soul. Have a wonderful day! Over and out.
Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! 🙂
Welcome, my fallen angels, to yet another update from The Arcangel himself. (I spell it without the “h” because that would make me look officially evil.) Today I’m pissed. After months and months of separation and after the emotional roller-coaster ride he put me through, my ex wants to get back together again. He says that he wants to start things from scratch. That he wants to revive the same feelings of when we first started dating. Relationships don’t work that way! You can’t just start over and make it new again. Just like you can’t perfectly piece together a broken mirror as if destruction was never left behind in its wake. My ex is insane if he thinks that after he negated me from my responsibilities, isolated me from the ones I truly love, and led me astray from God Himself – that I would just go right back to that devil’s chaos. He’s paranoid, miserable, and condescending. Every word he says reminds me of all his red-flag flaws of his. I’m done with him for good. I cannot allow any leftover romantic feelings to make me crawl back to him ever again! This is a rare situation in my life where I must let my rage fuel me and prevent me from ever thinking that our murdered love can ever rise from the dead. Everything has been said and done. This is exhausting. I’m just trying to live my life the best I can but my ex is my downfall. He will be the death of me if I continue to pursue him the way I had in the past. He bums me out whenever he’s near me. He’s like a poison that forms callouses in my veins that dilute my bloodstream to terminal toxins. I forbid myself from sleeping with the devil ever again. He wants to meet me in person today for a date. I agreed but little does he know that I am going to take control of my life once more. He is going to tremble in the face of my rude awakening. Oh wow! This feels so good to vent! Wish me luck on concluding this nightmare once and for all! Have a wonderful day, my fallen angels! Over and out.