crush

Let’s be negative!

Posted on by The One-Eyed Angel

Hello to my negative fallen angels! I’m gonna talk some real shit today because I genuinely don’t give a fuck and I need to vent. I can’t see my therapist this week because of stupid ass Thanksgiving. This is the time of the month my food stamps are gone and people make plans with me and then ditch me at the last minute. So when people ask me what I’m doing for Thanksgiving, I say starving and contemplating suicide. Lol. I hate the holiday season! More like Suicide Season! I’m the fucking love child of Mr. Scrooge and the Grinch. There’s always those dumbass Christmas specials on TV and annoying children getting spoiled and becoming worse and worse every year. I can’t do yoga or meditation as well as my empathic rituals barefooted at my local park because now it’s too cold outside. My ex-fiance’s birthday is in December too. And my crush keeps hanging me on a hook. I hate this shit! Ungrateful people smiling and laughing in each other’s company as if they give a fuck about each other. I have no faith nor expectations in other people anymore so when someone fails to comply, I am not disappointed. Loneliness is the realest thing there is and I must be content with the darkness that is mankind. My boss is fake too! Warmline ain’t shit! No one’s calling and she’s a condescending bitch! It’s a fake job led by a fake person. I bet she was one of those blonde cheerleaders who gossip and pour pig’s blood on dark beauty queens. The kind of girl in high school whose boyfriend I fucked last night. I’m trying to get a real job but I guess no one is really hiring. Lol. My brother is getting back with his bitch ass fiance so I’m not talking to him anytime soon. I hope the world ends soon though. It sucked when mankind continued to live past 2012. I mention 2012 a lot but seriously, I was SO FUCKING DISAPPOINTED THAT THE END OF THE WORLD NEVER HAPPENED! Humans don’t deserve to live. Whatever. I gotta wait it out, I guess. I have been working out three times a week but I’m still curvy as fuck. I really enjoyed doing drag last Wednesday though. I have pictures and wrote a draft for my post about my alter-drag ego, Seductress. However, the video for ComiQueens is still in the works of being edited. So once I gather pics and vids, I will post it immediately. And my church family is pretty cool. So maybe there are a few reasons to continue tolerating living amongst human beings as an alien attempting but failing to take over the world time and time again. No one in my life bothers reading my blog, but even if they did… oh wells! The infamous One-Eyed Angel resumes his existence in pursuit of a fabled salvation. Wish me luck and I will wish you luck too – as if that matters at all. Have a wonderful day! Over and out.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

#TBH

Posted on by The One-Eyed Angel

Hello to my reclusive fallen angels! It seems I’m always chastised for being the only one whose honest. I’m infatuated with him. I don’t know him that well yet to have legitimate feelings but I’m aware of a few things about him that aren’t bad at all. He’s caring, artistic, funny, smart, and he’s one of the most beautiful men I have ever known. He enjoys playing video games and he knows his way around cosmetics. The thing is that I was a DCF kid. My childhood composed of trauma and abuse which led me to growing so accustomed to The System that I never learned the social skills needed to interact with Normies (people who were never in The System and is sane enough to appear normal even if they’re not). I believe that I never fully adapted to the real world; I never successfully transitioned from a hospital ambience to the community setting. This theory would definitely explain why I’m so socially awkward. I have a habit of making people feel uncomfortable and actually taking pleasure in it. You see, in psych wards, talking about depression, suicide, rape, and the like were topics of conversation. We made humor out of it because they were the only things to define our lives. It’s why I have a very dark, warped sense of humor. I know it’s hard to take me seriously but I use humor as a coping/defense mechanism. If I stop laughing, I’ll fall apart. It’s why I feel all alone in the world. I know I talk about loneliness a lot but it’s my only reality. I don’t know how to allow my crush to take me seriously; that I’m not a joke and that I’m not only interested in sex. I didn’t think he was into me until I found out he volunteered to do my makeup for the drag show I spoke of in my post, Drama Infestation. I don’t know with him. He’s wishy-washy. I don’t want to put my hopes up too high but I can’t wait to see if our O’s will become X’s soon. I’m not afraid to be honest. Maybe at least one of my fallen angels will read this and muster up the courage to be honest too. Have a wonderful day! Over and out.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

Obsessed with Kryptonite

Posted on by The One-Eyed Angel

Hello to my obsessed fallen angels! It’s funny how I want so desperately for someone to care about me yet I honestly don’t give two fucks about anyone other than myself. I am a hypocrite. It’s ironic how I can be a social butterfly flapping my gums while not really saying much. I am a poser. My career path strays towards helping the reputation of people with mental health problems yet I doubt we will ever be taken seriously. I am a sell-out. I’m in love with the idea that someday I can have my cake and eat it too. Same goes for the power that men have over me. This guy I’m currently interested in actually has two suitors awaiting his decision apart from me. I’m not gonna hang on for dear life to find out who he finds to be his most worthy mate. Fuck that! And yet I find myself waiting by for his call or his text. Any proof that I’m of any value to him. I don’t literally wait by the phone. I mean I got shit I gotta do on a daily basis but you get the idea. Although I really like this guy, I’m gonna try not to be his third suitor. Boy, he must feel really high and mighty. How come I don’t have suitors?! Why can’t someone be obsessed with me for once?! I’m tired of being the obsessor. Their glowing rods appeal to me, vigorously attracting me to them like a moth to a flame. I need to go back to “Sleigh.” I missed two weeks already. The first week I missed was because of that stupid charity run that stemmed across two adjacent cities. It blocked off every damn road and really fucked up the bus routes that day. The second week I missed was because I thought I could buy a replacement charger for my laptop at Best Buy and still be able to make it to “Sleigh.” Man, was I wrong! Now that tomorrow is imminent, I decided to skip the parade I was supposed to march in to go “Sleigh” instead. The object of my desire was gonna march with me tomorrow and no matter how much I yearn to be in his company, I have to take care of myself first. At least I acknowledge that I can get easily obsessed with an attractive man and that I’m taking initiative to work on my addiction. One day at a time. I need to find a happy medium. No more living by my moral code: Leave me alone, I’m lonely . A part of me really enjoys my privacy and this chronic loneliness I am cursed with. Yet I desire companions of biblical proportions. I’m a handful of paradoxes. I’ll get through this somehow. I’ve survived worse. Have a wonderful day! Over and out.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

Misinterpreted Perception

Posted on by The One-Eyed Angel

Good afternoon to my infatuated fallen angels! It’s been a whole year since the ultimate conclusion of my ex-fiance’s tyranny. I haven’t really been dating anyone since. I had went on a couple dates with this one guy. I look back and I realize I probably shouldn’t have gone on a second date with him. He was a bitch. He was a 25 year old drag queen living with his mommy wasting his state benefits on drag accessories. He was a little boy playing dress-up. Anyway, besides that, loneliness now consumes my repertoire. I think I’m always going to love my ex-fiance, but I just have to learn how to live without him. Lately, though, I have been talking to this new guy. He seems to have his shit together. I’m just afraid he just perceives me as this gothic pervert. I wrote my previous post about him. We barely know each other yet I was stupid enough to show him it. He told me he liked how sexual and kinky and well-written Nocturnal Submission was. But then I started to wonder how he views me as a person. I’m not gonna lie, I had A LOT of sex in my 21 years of life. I used those apps like Grindr and Growlr earnestly through the years. But I’m sick of the sex scene. I’m ready to be in love again. I miss dressing up for a man, the lingering glances, the conscious awareness of when his elbow accidentally brushes up against me as we walk down the beaten path. Getting to know someone other than myself, for once. Wondering if he likes me as much as I like him. I think people tend to perceive me differently than the real me. Yeah, I’m goth, flirtatious, and facetious but I’m also loving, compassionate, and caring. I hate being vulnerable and serious around others. My defense mechanism involves humor and apathy. Yet I’m starting to learn that sometimes in life, there are instances where it’s better to be vulnerable in someone’s company. I feel like I can survive in the wilderness if I was stranded on an island or still end up on the Dean’s List if I went to college drunk everyday, but when it comes to social situations and establishing relationships, it’s the hardest thing I can ever do. I really like this new guy though. I want him to know my true intentions. I’m not looking for just sex. If I was, I would just download those apps again. It would be so easy to have a random man fuck me at my place then kick him to the curb afterwards. But it’s harder to create a real connection with someone. I don’t want to just exchange texts with him. I wanna hang out with him and get to know him. I wanna know his mannerisms, his habits, if he reads while silently lipsyncing or if he reads strictly in his head. I want a friend. A confidant. I wanna have their back while they have mine. An ally in this psychological war called life. He would never have to worry about me cheating or lying. This loneliness is killing me slowly but surely. I know I don’t need anyone but I want someone more than anything. I’m not desperate. I’m just overwhelmed but excited to admit that I’m finally ready to love again. I guess I’ll take it one day at a time. Maybe this new guy really did like my poem. Maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe he’s just really busy today. Perhaps this love interest is reciprocated after all. Wish me luck in the days to come. Have a wonderful day! Over and out.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

Nocturnal Submission

Posted on by The One-Eyed Angel

Pressing thumb to index finger to resemble your lips,
Droning on in the early morning in the shadows amidst,
Infatuated ideas of your gyrating hips,
Fingertips tracing the veins coarse on your fists,

Teasing myself softly a rendition of your fabled love,
Abscond the belief that perverted angels stalk from above,
Unlike my youth once is usually never enough,
Yearning to feel your penetration without a latex glove,

Hands behind your back to usher your handsome face to mine,
Punching your lips with my lips to summon the pink to dine,
Concupiscent kisses trail down to your prominent collar bone,
Desire shapeshifts to a vampire sucking on your neck a feast you’ll condone,

Pausing sadomasochism to rip your shirt clean off,
I tear your inflated briefs to shreds stuffing its contents to stifle a cough,
Spent too much time confined within my aegis loft,
Afraid to scare you away but filling the silence are your moans so soft,

Merely a conscious dream of our nocturnal submission,
You’re worth more than a hookup I’ll wait for your heart’s permission,
Despite my dark facade I really care about your opinion,
As to whether or not you’re interested in being my companion

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

City Boy

Posted on by The One-Eyed Angel

Stare down
Down down down,
Sit down
Down down down,
Sneak peek,
Hot guy,
Look back down,
Pull out phone,
Stare down
Down down down,
Stay down
Down down down,
Quick glance,
Say hi?
Nah he’s straight,
Could get hurt,
Stare down
Down down down,
Calm down
Down down down,
Bus stops,
Look up,
He gets out,
Missed chance,
Stare down
Down down down,
Feel down
Down down down

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

Positive Resurrection

Posted on by The One-Eyed Angel

Smoldering alcove due to his presents presence,

His caramel skin lathered in a silky hew hue,

My empathic shield braking breaking decayed senescence,

Feminine voice laze lays with masculine hearts imbue

Love stains savored by lingering dark-brown stairs stares,

A pear pair of golden valleys caressed sensually,

Constructing a conversation full of suite sweet cares,

Existentialism will loos lose its portentous hold on me eventually

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

Hetero-crush

Posted on by The One-Eyed Angel

She shows shimmering shadows shrouding her shining eyes,
Piercing pondering peek I sneak perpetually perceived,
Beautiful brunette brutality reinvents bountiful brilliance,
Literary little lady lavishingly lessen the labels’ lament,
Creative cat creature cream of the crop cultivating captivation,
Truly tethered to tactical text transcribed tentatively,
Wonderful woman willingly wandering around my world,
Absolutely annointed with abstract antiquity aspiring apparatus,
Madam medley merely making me more and more muddled,
For finally finding a female friend fretting away my faggot finesse

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

Ode to fall victim to love unreciprocated

Posted on by The One-Eyed Angel

My gaze lingers on him like a cat, ready to pounce on a rat,
Blissful dreams I keep to myself,
Will potential become kinetic?
Only time moves forward,
Sympathetic exposure to the typical,
Things I know how to do,
Most people don’t,
Simple things like engaging in conversation,
Or maintaining a friendship,
Is an inevitable war to fight for peace,
Harder things in life are easy to me however,
Like surviving, stranded in the wilderness,
To love another is difficult,
To express it is a bullet in the brain,
Doing the same things with every guy,
“What’s up?” “How old are you?” “What’s your sign?”
It’s not my first time at the rodeo,
An army of different personalities I garner,
Exchanging information as a way to barter,
The baggage that we all submit to burden,
Anguish is disturbing due to a eventual broken heart,
Resorted to defeat like shattered glass,
Everything happens for a reason,
One lid for every pot,
Men and women can both lie, cheat, and betray,
Pick your fucking poison,
Don’t want to demolish my current views on his persona,
Afraid he won’t be as good a person as I imagine,
1/7.5 billion chance that he’ll be my soulmate,
Can’t put my hopes up for such overwhelming odds,
For chivalry is dead,
Lingering on my ideal that this man knows necromancy,
Maybe he can resurrect the gentleman within,
As if there’s one to begin with cus I’m wrong like that,
Perhaps the Grim Reaper is the love of my life,
Exotic dingy, dark robes and a sickle in his left hand,
Makes my current prey a basketcase,
Sketetal figure and a sensual touch that kills,
Death intrigues the already half-alive,
Yet I long for a human’s reciprocal feelings,
No one can love like I can,
At least that I know of,
The more aware of life I am,
The less the world is contempt to stay in reality,
Delve into the mystery,
I want to tell him,
I’m resilient to heartbreak, tragedy, and trauma,
Most likely it will scare him rather than attract,
Maybe he’ll understand or at least fathom how I see,
That everyone else is inferior to me cus again I’m wrong that way,
Worst case scenerio my crush will disappoint me,
The Sun will rise cus it won’t be the end of everything,
There’s other fish in the sea blah blah blah,
My safety net is greeting the Grim Reaper,
“Long time no see my old friend”
At least I know I can count on Death in the end