Him & Her


He bound her wrists and ankles in rosary,

And buried her within his walls.

That was the only way he would let her in…

He was just as scared as she was.

​But now she doesn’t need him anymore.

His lips were killing her.

It was fine before,

Back when she yearned to die.

Whisk Me Off Into The Dark

There’s no hierarchy in pain.

Suicide is said to be…

– selfish

– cowardly

– weak

I am a battered woman

longing for the source of the sacrilege

That the numbness erased.

Envy the dead

As you strut

Through the forest

And over the ravine.

I pray that you find what you seek.

Albeit I know I didn’t satisfy.

Pain is mitigated through daily distractions

Tossed through the breach as labile sexual deviance.

Please exorcise me…

The Internal Conflict

It ends in silence.

Fatigued from hiding in the shadows for so long

Staring into a pond of your own despair
Purest of heart succumbed to the will of its vessel
In need of an antidote to negate this madness
Shackles coil around ankles tied just outside reality
Narcissus in chains –
Too proud to be set free


Do I have to die for you to listen to me?
Silver linings shine brighter when I pluck your flower
Penance isn’t your style
Death is merely the harbinger who will lead me from inundation

And into another plain of existence
You’ve been there before…
Is the grass truly greener on the other side?

It begins in silence

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As It Was, As It Is, As It Will Be

I miss

psych wards

anti-psychotics

anti-

depressants

mood

Stabilizers

Anything to hold

On

To my

Humanity

I

miss almost

Being dead

being

restrained

i

Miss physical pain

Getting

Attention for being

Insane

I miss

mother afraid of me

Father figures

Touching me

I miss fearing for

My life

Alone

Without a home

I miss

My heart my

Mind

I

Miss my 15-

year-old

Body

I miss

Starving while

My sisters

Went out to

Party i miss

Running

Away to the

Cemetery

i miss the

Countless

Times i was almost

Relieved of

The burden of being Alive

I miss the feeling

Of

My heart break

ing

I

Miss fighting

Off grown men

just to survive i miss The insecurity of

A

Homeless

Shelter I miss worrying

About bullies

I miss

The ability

To cry

I

Miss missing

People

I miss caring

I miss

Not knowing

Anything

I miss the joy

Of my

Baptism

And God

I want

To believe

that I

Miss God

Feel free to like and comment on this post and I will do the same for you. Also, please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B012BSPFCQ/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1452971409&sr=1-1&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=The+Pandemonium+Chronicles

Carve A Smile Into My Face

For the first time since heartbreak disturbed my tranquil fantasy,
Farewells from an Eleutheromanian dream doesn’t surprise me anymore.
I cease friendly fire through a sleepy alertness.
As your charm descends to cataclysmic proportions.
Darkness is handsome if I can’t see you
And your rejection is His redirection.
Not even all the love in the world I could summon by methods of necromancy –
In sacrifice of lesser beings I call friends would make you understand.
This negativity… although enticing, only attracts its kindred.
You once taught me “it” is not called “fucking,”
“It” is called “making love.”
Too bad I can’t make you teach me to survive these sleepless nights.
Forcefully dragged by my thoughts alone rather than letting go,
I carve a smile into my face to embrace this alluring disgrace.

image

Feel free to like and comment on this post and I will do the same for you. Also, please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B012BSPFCQ/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1452971409&sr=1-1&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=The+Pandemonium+Chronicles

Once Innocence Lost

I was so frail until I fell into your mind,
But fate never pulled me out from its bind.
A think tank I drown in for so damn long.
Your dominion that reigns over me is so strong.

Beat me.
Spit on me.
Tell me I’m scum.

Rape me.
Scream at me.
Until you cum.

You convince me I’m nothing whether you’re here or not.
You might as well raze me here now, my sexy stoic robot.

I was an innocent little boy until I fell for you hard.
I sold my soul when I put down my guard.
Your arms I wore like a wedding dress.
Ivory silk drips underneath to caress.

Grab me.
Don’t kiss me.
Make me your bitch.

Sedate me.
Don’t date me.
Until your dick twitch.

You sold me spare parts of a heart non-existent.
Yet I’ll forever remain perplexingly persistent.

I was so ambitious until I fell on your facade.
Down on my knees as if you were God.
My religion is you because I’m a little monster.
Not once did doubt show you were an imposter.

Choke me.
Condemn me.
Drag me to hell.

Fuck me.
Lie to me.
My body’s for sale.

You made me believe faith is a waste of time.
Even life itself gives me something to deny.

Truth Serum

When I was 6,

I wished I was a newborn,

When all I worried about was eating, sleeping,

And excreting waste,

 

When I was 10,

I wished I was 6,

When all I was afraid of was going to grade school for the first time

And missing my mom until I returned home,

 

When I was 14,

I wished I was 10,

When all I thought about were the terrifying times I spent alone with my stepdad

And missing my mom until she returned home,

 

When I was 18,

I wished I was 14,

When all I reminisced about was how I secretly enjoyed being abused like a masochist

And missing the only sexual escapade I had throughout my school years,

 

When I was 21,

I wished I was 18,

When I was forced to be exiled because my mom thought my dad’s replacement made me gay

And hoping there was more to life than this,

 

When I am 30,

I will wish I was 21,

When all I can recall will be how my ex-fiance severely broke my heart

And how he wonderfully psychologically tormented me,

 

When I am 39,

I will wish I was 30,

When I’ll realize that I am the same age as when my first love left in peace

And left me in pieces,

 

When I am 50,

I will wish I was 39,

When I can remember fondly how agile and resilient I once was

And wondering how I didn’t kill myself a lot sooner

 

When I am 69,

I will not look back anymore,

For dementia will consume my mind’s occupancy leaving behind the fact that my age will be one of my favorite sexual positions

And in total relief that I will die any day now

 

 

 

 

*Make sure to take advantage of the eBook sale going on now! From now* until December 26th at 8:00PM, you can buy The Pandemonium Chronicles for only $0.99! (usually $2.99)

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This sale is to celebrate the release of my new book, Trials and Tribulations!

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Let’s be negative!

Hello to my negative fallen angels! I’m gonna talk some real shit today because I genuinely don’t give a fuck and I need to vent. I can’t see my therapist this week because of stupid ass Thanksgiving. This is the time of the month my food stamps are gone and people make plans with me and then ditch me at the last minute. So when people ask me what I’m doing for Thanksgiving, I say starving and contemplating suicide. Lol. I hate the holiday season! More like Suicide Season! I’m the fucking love child of Mr. Scrooge and the Grinch. There’s always those dumbass Christmas specials on TV and annoying children getting spoiled and becoming worse and worse every year. I can’t do yoga or meditation as well as my empathic rituals barefooted at my local park because now it’s too cold outside. My ex-fiance’s birthday is in December too. And my crush keeps hanging me on a hook. I hate this shit! Ungrateful people smiling and laughing in each other’s company as if they give a fuck about each other. I have no faith nor expectations in other people anymore so when someone fails to comply, I am not disappointed. Loneliness is the realest thing there is and I must be content with the darkness that is mankind. My boss is fake too! Warmline ain’t shit! No one’s calling and she’s a condescending bitch! It’s a fake job led by a fake person. I bet she was one of those blonde cheerleaders who gossip and pour pig’s blood on dark beauty queens. The kind of girl in high school whose boyfriend I fucked last night. I’m trying to get a real job but I guess no one is really hiring. Lol. My brother is getting back with his bitch ass fiance so I’m not talking to him anytime soon. I hope the world ends soon though. It sucked when mankind continued to live past 2012. I mention 2012 a lot but seriously, I was SO FUCKING DISAPPOINTED THAT THE END OF THE WORLD NEVER HAPPENED! Humans don’t deserve to live. Whatever. I gotta wait it out, I guess. I have been working out three times a week but I’m still curvy as fuck. I really enjoyed doing drag last Wednesday though. I have pictures and wrote a draft for my post about my alter-drag ego, Seductress. However, the video for ComiQueens is still in the works of being edited. So once I gather pics and vids, I will post it immediately. And my church family is pretty cool. So maybe there are a few reasons to continue tolerating living amongst human beings as an alien attempting but failing to take over the world time and time again. No one in my life bothers reading my blog, but even if they did… oh wells! The infamous One-Eyed Angel resumes his existence in pursuit of a fabled salvation. Wish me luck and I will wish you luck too – as if that matters at all. Have a wonderful day! Over and out.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

An Excerpt from TPC

The heat of the battle was surging through him. A war cry was released yet it disappeared almost as soon as it was created. There was no reason to live this.

A bomb in his grasp was nearing to the end of its life. He looked this way and that. There was no way to get rid of it without it being near his friends.

The battlefield where the battle took place was huge; it was as colossal as the mass of Planet Earth. There wasn’t one square inch where there wasn’t any bullets flying through; heading towards the death of the shooter’s opposition.

He knew that if he moved an inch, he would be vaporized in the line of fire. The man developed confusion, and soon he would give up and let himself perish into oblivion.

Then there was a woman that suddenly appeared several feet away. She was in the line of fire. On that very second when she appeared, hundreds of bullets passed through her. She was a ghost.

The woman wasn’t very old, eighteen or nineteen years of age. She had auburn hair, milky chocolate going down a vigorous mountain trail. The teenager wore a black, leather coat over a green tank top. Blue denim jeans with slits on the knees were worn upon her sleek, slender legs. She had dress shoes on, and black earrings and bracelets that matched them. Her dark brown, beady eyes made all her beauty transfigure into something lethal.

The man’s eyes dwelled on hers for what seemed like forever. But according to the timer on the bomb, only a minute had passed by.

Once he found out that the strange being in front wasn’t real, he gazed upon the stars and prayed one last time.

“Almighty Zeus,” he said, “I, Felix, want you to know that you have chose the right man to be a part of the Heaven’s Angels. The group represented the hope and faith you had for existence even when all the Gods were losing the war between Hades and the others. I am man enough to admit defeat, and I thank you for the opportunity for having me in your aid! My job is done; wish me a grand new life.”

The bomb said “thirty seconds”.

“Are you a being of promise, of word?” he said to the mysterious woman floating gently barely above his area of vision.

She nodded.

“Tell my love, the sweet Emma Jones that I don’t want to see her cry. I only wanted her to be happy. Will you tell her that? You ought to!”

He reached his hand toward hers maybe she can rescue him. They both knew that she couldn’t, and she watched in tears as the bomb finally ignited.

His body was bathed in flames. Bubbles erupted from his body, and he was screaming for his life. The man didn’t expect such a subtle way to die.

The air pressure and the limited amount of oxygen in each square mile of the outer space made Flex glide lifelessly elsewhere.

Veronica witnessed the dead angel’s body drift away.

(Beginning of Chapter 20 of my novel, The Pandemonium Chronicles: The Merge Between Heaven and Hell)

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

Yet Another Way to Describe Misery

Let’s live a lie because the truth is too hard to arouse.

I must replenish my will to live weakly weekly in His house.

Deferring my dreams like a raisin in the sun –

The mask is pretty enough to provide me false fun.

Timidness is an act in a performance that I’ve mastered in this cage.

Friendship is merely a hologram in this technological age…

Neglect my existence over and over again until I’m just a nuisance.

I will invade your emotions until they’re anything but elusive.

Only someone whose odd can be number one.

Yet another way to describe misery but I’m almost done.

All my poems seem to be written in a similar way

For happiness is indigenous same shit different day.