Mania II

Mania I

Take me back! I’ll literally crawl to you! I need you! I’m half-alive without you! After all this time, I still love you! I don’t want anyone else! Any other man I would end up with will always be second best to you! It felt like kisses when you abused me! Hit me! Yell at me! Take all your frustrations and pent-up rage out on me! Please! I beg of you! Love me again! Want me the way you did when you first saw me! Make me your bitch! Anything… just be here with me tonight! I don’t have a support system. I don’t have close family or friends. I’ve been unloved for so long. Neglected and abused. My life is hell! Sometimes I think God hates me. Did I do something nefarious and unforgivable in a past life? Am I the reincarnation of Job? What’s wrong with me? My love, only you can cure me of this madness with your own brand of madness that only you can bestow upon me! My heart, my soul, my body, my mind, my belongings are all yours! I’m on my knees for your bittersweet fellatio, my holy communion. My religion is you, my handsome devil. My love…

Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

Mania I

I’m so sick of people in general. I bet no one would like this post. Maybe now you will because I bet you would’t. You just wanna prove me wrong, huh? Perhaps I just want to get attention. That would explain why I’m posting this on a public domain. But no one cares. Even if you like it, you still don’t care. Likes are meaningless. Comments are meaningless. I don’t give a fuck about your opinion unless it strokes my ego. Even then it’s not enough. It’s never enough. What are we living for? To pay bills? Fornicate? Consume food? Earn money to further fuel your hedonistic ways? Fuck this. The only reason I’m still alive is because I don’t have the balls to kill myself. FUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!! If you made it this far, congratulations for nothing. Because only I exist and you are all just a figment of my imagination, both unknown and repressed. Seek sacrilege from an undeniable, corruptible society in which everything is labeled for your own selfish needs. The human race is doomed to hell for eternity. If you’re not benefiting me in any way, whether it’s money or sex or connections, then you are nothing to me. But why do you care? I’m just another human being suffering on this wretched planet. What’s the point of anything? What’s the point of subjection and free will when it just leaves you all alone? Seeing the remnants of family members during holidays just to not feel alone one day of the year. Where’s Jesus? Where’s God? Where’s anything holy in this cataclysmic world we all just happen to occupy? Let the end of the world commence in unholy communion. I don’t give a fuck!!!! Do you love my writing style? insert meaningless heart here: ❤

A Short Sabbatical

Hello to my living fallen angels! I got discharged from a psych ward for the millionth time the other day. I tried to commit suicide once again. I overdosed last week and I was sure that I would finally die this time around because I took a lot of pills and chased them down with some cough syrup. I’m very disappointed that I survived but I know there’s a small part of me that is glad I did. If I honestly 100% wanted to die, then I could jump in front of a train or jump off a certain 11-floor building… It turns out that I kinda wanna live. I was overdue for a vacation and my local psych ward was just the place to unwind and heal from the stressors that make up the majority of my existence. I made a lot of great friends at the hospital. It seems like the mental health system is where I make all my friends worth staying in touch with. I don’t have much in common with Normies (people who were never in the mental health system and are therefore deemed “normal”) so I tend not to establish friendships with them. I realize my light side is just as influential to my life as my dark side is. I have a lot going for me. I’m pursuing a career in Psychology through college. I work as a suicide hotline operator (ironic, isn’t it?) and that opens the door for joining Recovery University, where I can further indulge in my chosen field. I want to be a mental health psychologist. That way, I could still be in the ambience of the hospital without being a patient. Two distinct halves of me learned to balance in equilibrium. One being that “if I ever found out I had cancer, I honestly would feel relieved.” The other being that “we’re all human subjected to trials and tribulations and I can’t find it in me to hate or hold grudges against anyone.” Anyway, now I’m just trying to get back into the grooves and patterns of my everyday life again. I love you all, my fallen angels! We are doing the best we can! Have a wonderful day! Over and out.

Feel free to like and comment on this post and I will do the same for you. Also, please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B012BSPFCQ/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1452971409&sr=1-1&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=The+Pandemonium+Chronicles

Carve A Smile Into My Face

For the first time since heartbreak disturbed my tranquil fantasy,
Farewells from an Eleutheromanian dream doesn’t surprise me anymore.
I cease friendly fire through a sleepy alertness.
As your charm descends to cataclysmic proportions.
Darkness is handsome if I can’t see you
And your rejection is His redirection.
Not even all the love in the world I could summon by methods of necromancy –
In sacrifice of lesser beings I call friends would make you understand.
This negativity… although enticing, only attracts its kindred.
You once taught me “it” is not called “fucking,”
“It” is called “making love.”
Too bad I can’t make you teach me to survive these sleepless nights.
Forcefully dragged by my thoughts alone rather than letting go,
I carve a smile into my face to embrace this alluring disgrace.

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Feel free to like and comment on this post and I will do the same for you. Also, please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B012BSPFCQ/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1452971409&sr=1-1&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=The+Pandemonium+Chronicles

It’s Silently Loud This Winter Night

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/an-odd-trio/

 

I yearn to be gold and known yet untouched
Under a full moon,
While cries echo from the strangers out at night.
Music fills my ears through silver cords to drown out their sorrow,
As I draw the blinds and close my window shut.
Ice gleams a spotlight for a werewolf’s howl,
Frightening the black cat clawing just outside the walls.
An impenetrable fortress became my home.
I turn a blind eye to indulge in a nice, hot bowl of soup.

So Persephone is still imprisoned within Hades’ grasp;
I can’t rescue her for I can’t even save myself from the voices in my head –
Move on… They did… Move on… They did… Move on…
Oh Persephone!
I miss you!
Mother misses you!
I know you’ll always come back,
But in many ways I’m still the black cat I try to evolve.
When you leave I assume you’re never to return.
I have swimming trunks and a beach towel already packed.
All my senses busy
Eager to remain unchanged.
Anticipating our reunion in total disregard of the commoners.

Daddy

There’s a darkness inside of us. People notice it right away. However, it’s a kind of darkness that doesn’t attempt to destroy our light but rather, the darkness preserves it. It’s hard to laugh and it’s hard to smile but when we do, we shine the brightest. We have both done very horrible things to people in psychological response to our own traumas. Naturally, people tend to deviate from our lives slowly but surely until the loneliness becomes the only thing that’s real. Yet the loneliness isn’t real at all. Although I haven’t seen you in years, we do talk from time to time.You are one of the last remaining people in this whole world that I truly love. Even though I got my bad luck from you, I also inherited your big heart, your emotional resilience, and your good looks. We are beautiful people so misunderstood and wrongfully misjudged. I am so proud to be your son. I understand why you left and I have faith that you’ll return. I love you with every inch of my heart and soul. Now and forever more.

Salvation I

Sounds seep through their rubicund lips forming words that try to bind me.
I can’t find it in me to retaliate against these barbed wires.
We’re the same species.
There are more malevolent forces in the universe apart from ourselves.
I’m heartly sorry for having offended the source of this karma.
Only if they could see what I see in my psyche:
Mentally writing a list of even the smallest good things someone does for another –
To prove to myself that repelling the darkness at bay isn’t a minuscule feat
For I deny all hatred to even the brethren I once loved.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

Let’s be negative!

Hello to my negative fallen angels! I’m gonna talk some real shit today because I genuinely don’t give a fuck and I need to vent. I can’t see my therapist this week because of stupid ass Thanksgiving. This is the time of the month my food stamps are gone and people make plans with me and then ditch me at the last minute. So when people ask me what I’m doing for Thanksgiving, I say starving and contemplating suicide. Lol. I hate the holiday season! More like Suicide Season! I’m the fucking love child of Mr. Scrooge and the Grinch. There’s always those dumbass Christmas specials on TV and annoying children getting spoiled and becoming worse and worse every year. I can’t do yoga or meditation as well as my empathic rituals barefooted at my local park because now it’s too cold outside. My ex-fiance’s birthday is in December too. And my crush keeps hanging me on a hook. I hate this shit! Ungrateful people smiling and laughing in each other’s company as if they give a fuck about each other. I have no faith nor expectations in other people anymore so when someone fails to comply, I am not disappointed. Loneliness is the realest thing there is and I must be content with the darkness that is mankind. My boss is fake too! Warmline ain’t shit! No one’s calling and she’s a condescending bitch! It’s a fake job led by a fake person. I bet she was one of those blonde cheerleaders who gossip and pour pig’s blood on dark beauty queens. The kind of girl in high school whose boyfriend I fucked last night. I’m trying to get a real job but I guess no one is really hiring. Lol. My brother is getting back with his bitch ass fiance so I’m not talking to him anytime soon. I hope the world ends soon though. It sucked when mankind continued to live past 2012. I mention 2012 a lot but seriously, I was SO FUCKING DISAPPOINTED THAT THE END OF THE WORLD NEVER HAPPENED! Humans don’t deserve to live. Whatever. I gotta wait it out, I guess. I have been working out three times a week but I’m still curvy as fuck. I really enjoyed doing drag last Wednesday though. I have pictures and wrote a draft for my post about my alter-drag ego, Seductress. However, the video for ComiQueens is still in the works of being edited. So once I gather pics and vids, I will post it immediately. And my church family is pretty cool. So maybe there are a few reasons to continue tolerating living amongst human beings as an alien attempting but failing to take over the world time and time again. No one in my life bothers reading my blog, but even if they did… oh wells! The infamous One-Eyed Angel resumes his existence in pursuit of a fabled salvation. Wish me luck and I will wish you luck too – as if that matters at all. Have a wonderful day! Over and out.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

Poking Fun

Idly standing by waiting for the bus

Lavishing autumn breeze imitating the dead

Only intangible images of an extinguished flame persists

Violet crowns tell me to let go or be dragged

 

Everybody is out to get me –

Yet another generalization

Over in the distance is a decaying vessel

Under the bushes someone abandoned herself

 

My intrigue grows exponentially

Observation leads to investigation

Reaching for a wooden stick

Early enough to notice her morning dew excite me

 

The one time I actually felt alive

Halt the despair before the Sun collects his due

Another addiction to my list

Never knew her but had saw her from time to time

 

Why did I decide to ignore her?

Heavy feelings swelled in her corset I stole

Anything to escape –

The status quo that kept me to myself

 

Scalp covered by the hair she bought prior to her best night

How could I have been so afraid?!

Under the canopy of a sudden truth

Men don’t know what beauty is anymore

 

A time to kill before the bus enforces mundane routine

Neighbors haven’t bothered to look up from their cell phones

Landlord just wanted her money to add on to the recession

Yard work needs to be done

 

 

People forget her as soon as she was done entertaining them

Obtained her fish nets to carry on her legacy

Simple attire bought from a sex shop

Suddenly the wind passed an oppressive ordinance

 

Identity crisis once prevented me from meeting her

Begone! They told me years ago in a comfortable classroom

Little did they know that I was one of a kind

Everyone loves an underdog

 

Tribute for Batman

 

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Batman is a fictional superhero appearing in American comic books published by DC Comics. The character was created by artist Bob Kane and writer Bill Finger, and first appeared in Detective Comics #27 (May 1939). Originally named “the Bat-Man,” the character is also referred to by such epithets as the “Caped Crusader”, the “Dark Knight”, and the “World’s Greatest Detective”.

 

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Bruce and I are in love. I would hunt down and kill his parents’ murderer if I could. But that wouldn’t resolve anything. It would go against his morals to never kill anyway. There’s no doubt that Batman is tough and intimidating but like most men, he garners a guarded heart. I’m so glad the existence of Robin humanized my love before I got to him. Batman is an amazing father figure and he’s rich as hell! He’s my sugar daddy. And I could learn quite a few things from him. If Damien fails to uphold the mantle as the newest Robin, then I have no problem being the fifth male Robin. I gotta take it one day at a time.

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The Batman and The Joker are two sides of the same coin. They both went through trauma that led to each of them making a choice to either oppose the darkness or to become the darkness. Bruce Wayne’s parents were murdered right in front of him when he was only 8 years old and he fell into a bat-infested well at around the same time period. Joker (his real name is unknown for it was irrelevant in regards to Batman mythos) got fired from his career due to corruption, his pregnant wife was murdered, and he fell into acid which made him look the way he does today.

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His legacy is widely known so I must have competition. All throughout his crusade, he has come across a lot of women who toyed with his heart. But only a man can know what a man wants. That’s where I come in. Or rather where he cums in. Lol.

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Look at these sexy ass dudes trying to be him. Fuck them! They’re just mere living sex toys compared to the one true Dark Knight. Still, I think #2 wore it best mainly because he’s showing off the most skin. I could mess with him in the meantime until Batman can regard my existence.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂