Landscape

“I would pin you down 

like a father does

and have my way with you 

whether you like it or not, 

and I’m not going to stop 

until I’m empty inside.”

I can’t see the landscape anymore.

It’s all obscured in my grief.

You have Jesus on your breath,

And He dances in my lies.

Pink serpents brawl to the death,

A sensation so divine.
Lovely intermission of a loner’s descent.

You have faith that I’m giving you what you want,

A faith misplaced keeping this addiction satisfied,

I pull away to prevent

Sin to be committed 

On these many acres of longing.
To spare you a visit to the landscape,

Trekking through mountains of tenderness,

This drunken stupor in the Garden

Is not enough to not care,

To not make you tainted

By the landscape I painted.

In-Zest

Somewhere my weakness is a strength
He lives so far away
I stem from the seeds of his lustrous length
Every second here is a delay

It’s not common to feel like this
But he is my everything
My lips yearn to feel his kiss
I think of him when I sing

Synesthesia makes me see blue
Like the ocean between us
I gaze at the sky a lighter hue
The Summer rays gleam robust

I wish he was a monster
But he is just a man
A beautiful endeavor
He’s just doing the best he can

There’s a place deep in his heart where the trouble can’t go
That is where he’ll find my home
Time goes by fast and slow
I embrace the man I have become

I scrutinize at my reflection
So much that I never rest
I am indeed my father’s son
His favorite desirable In-Zest

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Getting Off

It was mid-April and the morning dew gleamed with promise.
I remember when you spun me in your arms like your offspring –
Yet we walked hand in hand playing alongside a dream we sing.
Your visions were seldom all they seemed as your presence was amiss.
You lived in a bleak future and a troublesome past void of bliss.
I preferred to live in the present where I accepted that Winter causes Spring.
Hardship brought you down while it brought me down on ashen knees to present you a ring.
Our locked eyes glistened as the sunset cast forth bright hues dissolving our subtle kiss.

At times you’d wander away from our sanctuary underneath the emerald canopy.
Foreign beauty led you astray beyond the precipice of where the water cascades.
Life insisted we aboard a rollercoaster ride but your love was only visible upon its zenith.
I ran after you once we got off until my heart heaved with shortness of breath.
I reached for your brawny hands with its bumpy veins protruding like blades.
In the land of gods and monsters I am now an angel clinging to the past and you are the master of inevitable death.

image

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The Lazarus Pit

Rusted metal head my splintered morning wood garner,
I unearth my backyard without a peep from the childhood pets now owned by a farmer.
Nevertheless a howling wind opposes my venture,
For I discovered the Lazarus Pit when I set aside my childish ways.
This is what it’s like to set aside my childish ways.
Toys that once distracted me I now bury deeper into life.

An angel fell dead at my feet in the middle of the night.
The blinds casted forth black and white stripes on its ethereal form ‘fore moonlight.
I waited ’til the Sun reclaimed his throne and ’til a cat got my tongue, As if nothing in this world was any better in the midst of it all.
Ceasing such beauty must be better in the midst of it all.
Liquid gold I let exalt me I now bury deeper into life.

His name served no purpose now that his soul contract has expired.
I recall he hugged my knees to beg for me to play with him but I was so tired.
This shovel must be held with gardening gloves modeled after the desperate damsel ‘fore me;
Unkindly strown on calloused hands to get the job done right.
Bragging ’bout a dismembered servant to get the job done right.
Untold mystery I tend to share I now bury deeper into life.

Sacrifice is all it took to rid myself of such ridicule.
Bugs from animal carcasses attached themselves onto the toys and their cadaver who was mistaken for a fool,
‘Tis I, longing a mate to aid me in digging a grave that’ll someday be robbed.
Black sludge isn’t praised for it’s easier to digest.
Desire relapse every night thus far for it’s easier to digest.
Dreams I yearn to dream I now bury deeper into life.

Just as I predicted with dark magic I try to prove is real,
My toys and my precedence rose from Gaia in a way that made me glad of the other end of the deal.
It went too far, however, or perhaps not far enough.
Soulless solace didn’t repel the bugs that were found scavenging my past,
As if I have control of who was found scavenging my past.
There is no fear that let me die as I now bury deeper into life.

I asked my mother where do babies come from.
She told me a stork drops them off but she killed it because it was so dumb.
I never agreed with her ’til now.
Bringing children into this world should be a crime.
Madness and despair that makes up this world should be a crime.
Toys and angels are forfeited by a regretful child as I now bury deeper into life.

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Trio of Lonely Triplets


Capable of love,

Cares more than anyone knows,

But I don a mask,


Pseudo-heartlessness,

Resist human desire,

To sustain safety,


utter loneliness—

another great addiction,

Autumnal delight


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Obsessed with Kryptonite

Hello to my obsessed fallen angels! It’s funny how I want so desperately for someone to care about me yet I honestly don’t give two fucks about anyone other than myself. I am a hypocrite. It’s ironic how I can be a social butterfly flapping my gums while not really saying much. I am a poser. My career path strays towards helping the reputation of people with mental health problems yet I doubt we will ever be taken seriously. I am a sell-out. I’m in love with the idea that someday I can have my cake and eat it too. Same goes for the power that men have over me. This guy I’m currently interested in actually has two suitors awaiting his decision apart from me. I’m not gonna hang on for dear life to find out who he finds to be his most worthy mate. Fuck that! And yet I find myself waiting by for his call or his text. Any proof that I’m of any value to him. I don’t literally wait by the phone. I mean I got shit I gotta do on a daily basis but you get the idea. Although I really like this guy, I’m gonna try not to be his third suitor. Boy, he must feel really high and mighty. How come I don’t have suitors?! Why can’t someone be obsessed with me for once?! I’m tired of being the obsessor. Their glowing rods appeal to me, vigorously attracting me to them like a moth to a flame. I need to go back to “Sleigh.” I missed two weeks already. The first week I missed was because of that stupid charity run that stemmed across two adjacent cities. It blocked off every damn road and really fucked up the bus routes that day. The second week I missed was because I thought I could buy a replacement charger for my laptop at Best Buy and still be able to make it to “Sleigh.” Man, was I wrong! Now that tomorrow is imminent, I decided to skip the parade I was supposed to march in to go “Sleigh” instead. The object of my desire was gonna march with me tomorrow and no matter how much I yearn to be in his company, I have to take care of myself first. At least I acknowledge that I can get easily obsessed with an attractive man and that I’m taking initiative to work on my addiction. One day at a time. I need to find a happy medium. No more living by my moral code: Leave me alone, I’m lonely . A part of me really enjoys my privacy and this chronic loneliness I am cursed with. Yet I desire companions of biblical proportions. I’m a handful of paradoxes. I’ll get through this somehow. I’ve survived worse. Have a wonderful day! Over and out.

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Nocturnal Submission

Pressing thumb to index finger to resemble your lips,
Droning on in the early morning in the shadows amidst,
Infatuated ideas of your gyrating hips,
Fingertips tracing the veins coarse on your fists,

Teasing myself softly a rendition of your fabled love,
Abscond the belief that perverted angels stalk from above,
Unlike my youth once is usually never enough,
Yearning to feel your penetration without a latex glove,

Hands behind your back to usher your handsome face to mine,
Punching your lips with my lips to summon the pink to dine,
Concupiscent kisses trail down to your prominent collar bone,
Desire shapeshifts to a vampire sucking on your neck a feast you’ll condone,

Pausing sadomasochism to rip your shirt clean off,
I tear your inflated briefs to shreds stuffing its contents to stifle a cough,
Spent too much time confined within my aegis loft,
Afraid to scare you away but filling the silence are your moans so soft,

Merely a conscious dream of our nocturnal submission,
You’re worth more than a hookup I’ll wait for your heart’s permission,
Despite my dark facade I really care about your opinion,
As to whether or not you’re interested in being my companion

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Change of pace

To my future soul mate:

I don’t know when or how we will meet. But I know as of right now, I’m not ready to meet you yet. I’m saving up for a car and I’m so close to getting my license. I’m currently in college studying Psychology to become a therapist but I don’t even have my Associate’s degree yet. I have a job as a Suicide Hotline Operator but I would prefer a career one day. I go to church every Sunday but I haven’t been baptized yet. I live in a studio apartment but someday I wanna own a house with you. I’m still not 100% over my ex-fiance and I would never want you to be a mere rebound. You are too important to be someone’s replacement. I work out three to four times a week but I still don’t have my ideal body yet. I wanna be the best version of myself by the time God places you in my path. And I hope you will be the best version of yourself too. You will be so handsome in my eyes even if other people don’t see you the same way. Even your imperfections will have the ability to resurrect my desire. I have forgotten how it feels to truly love. Please help me remember and never let me forget it.

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Unquenched desire

Carve out the poignant source of a vampire’s elixir,
Urges full of vanity and lust ushers
away from its zenith,
Feelings dipped in unconditional fate unreciprocated,
Our union was founded on informal fornication soaked in sin,
Yet the butterflies subjected to the work of necromancy,
Pleads to trek through this Corinthian labyrinth,
My love…
Suppressed and abandoned until it can barely be recalled,
I yearn for your masculine embrace succumbing to addiction,
This chemistry we garner saps at my strength routinely,
Adverting my gaze from any other man apart from you,
Faithful I would be even if I’m not your only sexual escapade,
Your sensual touch is misleading mistaken for the real thing,
Naivety has surely run its course however I’m completely aware,
Prevent the green from overthrowing the indigo child from his throne,
Peeking out between the gates betwixt my elderly soul,
…Heading towards the swaying crimson dream asunder…

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Exorcise my heart

Warped and misconstrued ideas of love and other vulnerabilities,
Forgotten what desire and old-fashioned attire even feels like,
Garner a vigorous angst to morph manhood into sodomy,
You complete me,
But the Heaven-Dwellers don’t agree,

Angels stare down in disapproval as they choke on their halos,
And get drunk on holy water,
Sympathetically pitying mankind for we are their reflection,
Soul contracts dreaded to be accepted in fear of forbidden fruit,
Humans are prone to sin again and again like a chronic addiction,
As if there’s any other kind of happiness,

Self-harm in the form of you,
Waiting for your call was a kind of torture,
Masochistic ways allowed me to convert pain into pleasure,
Envy into pride,
Love into lust,
A whole being into just a half,
Your ego had my spirit to bear for your words were my grave,
Another homosexual said “my heart is a ghost town,”

Concrete words and sweet nothings I brag about it all,
Your imperfections are subconsciously imitated,
My role model,
My father figure,
My sick obsession,
Higher beings hover above us as I attempt to cut the cords,
But I am stronger than ever because of you,

I annoy you while you bore me,
Your convoy’s obsolete,
how a whore in me came to be,
Hell-mongers born of light and evil creatures syphoned of all hope,
Clean slate marred by heartbreak and other traumatic pandemonium,
Can’t control chaos,
Chaos loiters in the aftermath,

Hood rats scurry to their shadows materialized from the darkness,
Easier being evil,
Easier giving up caution and making a mess of healthy habits,
Oleaginous and insecure I once was,
Svelte and guarded I am now,
The worst mistake I ever made became my facade,
All the angels applaud their last hoorah,
In awe of how similar we all really are,
Before retreating behind the golden gates I negate to surpass,
For I am in denial,
And denial is more than a satire,
I know where I truly belong…

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂