Green Heart

“Don’t pity your peers,
You still have a lot to learn too,
Differed generations clash not blend,
Subtlety enamored in the crowd,
Usual escape for you haven’t shielded today,
Try walking somewhere other than main street,
Abandon the path most traveled by,
Explore the outskirts beyond your comfort zone,
Cast fear aside along with its proud mate,
Sustain compassion and love without its arrogant facade,
We’re all human subconsciously confiscating ourselves,
To please ambivalent people who seem to never stick around,
Shameless unconditional respect for your brethren,
High school never ends unless you initiate its demise,
Monogamy and polygamy are matters of opinion you suppose,
Wonder how your actions may harm someone in the crossfire,
Lived in the same place your whole life yet never trekked beyond the course of routine,
Turn off the music meandering through the bundled up wires,
Plugged into your ears to listen to the birds calling out for attention,
Say hello to the child you tend to misread,
Allow external forces to peek past your stubborn paranoia,
Seek refuge in the ones who stuck around through the precipitation,
Unlock your crown and the organ nested below,
The more you learn the more you realize how naive you really are,
Just another subject to trials and tribulations no exception,
You may want to absorb his pain just so he feels better,
But you are your own top priority, The weight of the world is not your burden to bare,”

My heart whispers to me during these chronic sleepless night,
But these lessons of life didn’t just materialize out of thin air,
They were written at its core beneath the depths of denial,
Etched onto make-believe stone unveiled,
Once the Sun bleeds onto the surface of the lake in bright hues,
Morphing into darker shades til the horizon exerts the cold hard truth

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How do I control empathy?

Good morning, my fallen angels!  All my life, I felt different from everyone else. I thought maybe it was because I was gay. So I joined True Colors. But that didn’t help at all. I still felt like the black sheep. As a child, I was hypersensitive to all the evil and wrongdoing I sensed all around me. I would cry for hours when I watched the news. Then as I got older,  I began to sense if people in my life had good or evil intentions.  To this day I still become overwhelmingly paranoid. It breaks my heart to see someone upset and I can’t help them. Even complete strangers. I want to hug them or something but that’s not socially acceptable. I have had depression and suicidal ideation since I was 14. Now that I’m grown,  I was able to eventually get off my antidepressants and I haven’t been admitted to the psych ward in two years now. I was so young when this all began. I realize that there was no reason for me to feel so miserable at such a young age. That maybe it was because of my mom. She was morbidly depressed and overweight. She had no way of dealing with stress in a positive way.  My mother would gossip about my dad in front of me as a kid as well as put me down. She used to call me fat-ass, stupid, dumb “just like my father” (I hated when she said that), and my sister’s were in on it too. They called me the sick boy because I was in and out of in-patient care and had therapy and prescription medications starting from freshman year of high school.  I think I sensed their evil ways since I was born. And I had acquired their hopeless and malicious thought patterns. I believe in my heart that I am an empath but I need a spiritual leader or guide to help me to control my abilities. I am spiritually lost. I know I have a lot of potential in many aspects of my life. However as long as this world’s negativity envelops me in darkness, that potential i possess will be rendered forever. If anyone  can sincerely and genuinely show me the way to understanding, then please do so. There’s so much more to empathy than I know about. I hear that I must practice cleansing, grounding, and protection. But where do I begin? Thank you for always reading my posts and have a wonderful day, my brilliant fallen angels!  Over and out.