One-Eyed Dreamworld

The past is dead, but the nightmares live on. The nightmares are tangled with the real memories of my stolen innocence. For the first time in my life, I’m having insomnia. Sleep was my only escape, but now my Dreamworld seems to be tainted…

Where will I go now? Must I seek refuge amongst reality, a daydream yearning to be the real thing?

You are my nightmare. You are who I fear to be. A man encumbered in self-hatred and greed. A man who never appreciates a sunrise. A man who seeks power from those who cannot control it.

I defy the need to die at this present time. There is a time and a place to die, but this isn’t it. I am grateful for the present, even if it isn’t a special occasion right now. Or perhaps life itself is a gift and the past is merely the opened present unraveled haphazardly at the edge of the bed…

Where will I go now? Must I seek refuge amongst reality, a daydream yearning to be the real thing?

I’ll never know unless I try. To make dreams a reality, I must first find the courage to get out of bed…

New Year’s Resolutions 2016

Hello to my happy fallen angels! The new year is just around the corner! You all probably noticed a lot of other bloggers already posting their New Year’s resolutions. Perhaps you’ve done a post like this in the past couple days already or maybe I just gave you an idea for the topic of your next blog post. Whatever it may be, I’m happy to instill my season’s greetings upon you all.

New Year’s resolutions for 2016:

1. Join more clubs at my college
2. Read more books
3. Make new friends
4. Be less introverted
5. Continue going to the gym regularly
6. Study more often
7. Get my driver’s license
8. Buy my first car
9. Publish more books
10. Be more positive

So what are your New Year’s resolutions? I would love it if you shared them with me in a comment below. I love you all and I thank you for all the likes, comments, and follows I obtained in 2015! And it was a pleasure returning the favor too. Have a wonderful end of the year! Over and out.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

Getting Off

It was mid-April and the morning dew gleamed with promise.
I remember when you spun me in your arms like your offspring –
Yet we walked hand in hand playing alongside a dream we sing.
Your visions were seldom all they seemed as your presence was amiss.
You lived in a bleak future and a troublesome past void of bliss.
I preferred to live in the present where I accepted that Winter causes Spring.
Hardship brought you down while it brought me down on ashen knees to present you a ring.
Our locked eyes glistened as the sunset cast forth bright hues dissolving our subtle kiss.

At times you’d wander away from our sanctuary underneath the emerald canopy.
Foreign beauty led you astray beyond the precipice of where the water cascades.
Life insisted we aboard a rollercoaster ride but your love was only visible upon its zenith.
I ran after you once we got off until my heart heaved with shortness of breath.
I reached for your brawny hands with its bumpy veins protruding like blades.
In the land of gods and monsters I am now an angel clinging to the past and you are the master of inevitable death.

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Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

So What’s New?

Good morning to my blessed fallen angels! It’s been a while since I last checked in. I have been so busy with studying for finals week before the semester is up. Also, I have been having a better holiday season than I thought I would. Most people would think my negativity is nothing good. However, I disagree. You see, I don’t put any expectations on anyone or anything. I assume the worst. It is this way of thinking that allows me to live a disappointment-free life. It’s either “I expected that to happen” or “Wow! I’m so surprised!” Anyway, it was because of my negativity that had me thinking that maybe I should try to be more positive for a change. This resulted in my Salvation mini-series comprising of five short entries. I got a lot of great feedback from it. I tend to get more likes and comments when I’m positive so I guess that’s another incentive for being a good boy. Lol. Hmm… what else? Oh yeah! Don’t think I forgot about posting about when I did drag several weeks ago. I have all the pictures in a draft already. Now I’m just waiting for the camera crew at my college to edit and submit the video for ComiQueens onto my college website so I can add it to my draft. Also, I’m still working with a fellow blogger to do a co-blog collaboration. However, I haven’t heard from him lately. I hope he’s doing okay. I have recently began to publish a book of poems and short stories that I actually merely copied and pasted straight from my blog. I call the poetry book, Trials and Tribulations (TaT). I submitted it as my second book on Kindle Direct Publishing and I will do the same for all the other online eBook distributions that I used to publish my first book, The Pandemonium Chronicles: The Merge Between Heaven and Hell. As well as eBook, I’m also getting it in printed format with a local printing company that’s partnered up with this organization I work for to promote it locally. I have been attending YasBiz events and planning to host classes with them myself to teach people how to make their own blogs. YasBiz is an organization where young entrepreneurs in my state can be given an opportunity to promote their creations and make a business out of them, whether it’s a writing career or a bakery or even an art studio. They provide funding and everything! There’s more to it than that but I don’t really want to get into that, to be honest. I actually went to the YasBiz end of the year celebration party last night. One of my good friends got an award because she published two books of poetry and she won the raffle at the end of the event. It was her big night and I am so proud of her for all her achievements. People like us had hard, traumatic pasts but I can only imagine how my friend felt last night. I want to have that same feeling. I can’t wait until I get an award for my writing. I can’t always be negative. If I let my mental health problems render me from pursuing my life goals, then my dreams will dry up like a raisin in the Sun. My mental health problems will always be a part of me but it is everything I have been through that have made me so resilient and stronger than I ever thought possible. Thank you so much, my fallen angels, for sticking by through thick and thin with me. I love you all so much and good luck on your own personal endeavors. Have a wonderful day! Over and out.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

An Excerpt from TPC

The heat of the battle was surging through him. A war cry was released yet it disappeared almost as soon as it was created. There was no reason to live this.

A bomb in his grasp was nearing to the end of its life. He looked this way and that. There was no way to get rid of it without it being near his friends.

The battlefield where the battle took place was huge; it was as colossal as the mass of Planet Earth. There wasn’t one square inch where there wasn’t any bullets flying through; heading towards the death of the shooter’s opposition.

He knew that if he moved an inch, he would be vaporized in the line of fire. The man developed confusion, and soon he would give up and let himself perish into oblivion.

Then there was a woman that suddenly appeared several feet away. She was in the line of fire. On that very second when she appeared, hundreds of bullets passed through her. She was a ghost.

The woman wasn’t very old, eighteen or nineteen years of age. She had auburn hair, milky chocolate going down a vigorous mountain trail. The teenager wore a black, leather coat over a green tank top. Blue denim jeans with slits on the knees were worn upon her sleek, slender legs. She had dress shoes on, and black earrings and bracelets that matched them. Her dark brown, beady eyes made all her beauty transfigure into something lethal.

The man’s eyes dwelled on hers for what seemed like forever. But according to the timer on the bomb, only a minute had passed by.

Once he found out that the strange being in front wasn’t real, he gazed upon the stars and prayed one last time.

“Almighty Zeus,” he said, “I, Felix, want you to know that you have chose the right man to be a part of the Heaven’s Angels. The group represented the hope and faith you had for existence even when all the Gods were losing the war between Hades and the others. I am man enough to admit defeat, and I thank you for the opportunity for having me in your aid! My job is done; wish me a grand new life.”

The bomb said “thirty seconds”.

“Are you a being of promise, of word?” he said to the mysterious woman floating gently barely above his area of vision.

She nodded.

“Tell my love, the sweet Emma Jones that I don’t want to see her cry. I only wanted her to be happy. Will you tell her that? You ought to!”

He reached his hand toward hers maybe she can rescue him. They both knew that she couldn’t, and she watched in tears as the bomb finally ignited.

His body was bathed in flames. Bubbles erupted from his body, and he was screaming for his life. The man didn’t expect such a subtle way to die.

The air pressure and the limited amount of oxygen in each square mile of the outer space made Flex glide lifelessly elsewhere.

Veronica witnessed the dead angel’s body drift away.

(Beginning of Chapter 20 of my novel, The Pandemonium Chronicles: The Merge Between Heaven and Hell)

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

Yet Another Way to Describe Misery

Let’s live a lie because the truth is too hard to arouse.

I must replenish my will to live weakly weekly in His house.

Deferring my dreams like a raisin in the sun –

The mask is pretty enough to provide me false fun.

Timidness is an act in a performance that I’ve mastered in this cage.

Friendship is merely a hologram in this technological age…

Neglect my existence over and over again until I’m just a nuisance.

I will invade your emotions until they’re anything but elusive.

Only someone whose odd can be number one.

Yet another way to describe misery but I’m almost done.

All my poems seem to be written in a similar way

For happiness is indigenous same shit different day.

One Bad Day

I sat confined within the metal bars compressing me to a condensed version of an ambivalent world. Psychologist-infested daily routines didn’t always comprise my life’s entirety. It only took one bad day to rid me of my innocence forever.
Shadows spilled underneath my cot, behind the rusted toilet several paces away, and they ran away from the fluorescent lights twitching out in the corridor.
Red eyes glowed at night to accompany the darkness I fed earnestly throughout the day. It was an effective way to lose weight.
Years passed and so has three in-mates that took the pleasure of being my roommate. It came to the point where my past branched off into infinite alternate realities. That happens when you reach a certain age. Memories evolve into better or worse things depending on your mood.
I haven’t been outside since I moved in. The normies in their hospital scrubs always shut out the outside because I don’t deserve it anymore. All the other Malvolos lost their rights to freedom too, they kid around with me.
At a certain time of day, the leader of the normies announce from the walls that the lights must go out. We retreat back into our catacombs while being driven out of the community room like cattle.
I don’t bother talking to the other outsiders because I sleep alone regardless. Nothing new happened since The Assault. So I laid in the dark letting the last remnants of my eluded past reframe my dreams once more.
The Sun always radiates as bright as I remember. Maybe it was a tad bit brighter back then. The birds chirp as they perch themselves onto the trees my mother constantly refused to cut down. Her baby blue car is warming up in the driveway. My older brother (always was taller than me) sits in the front seat while my mother says her goodbyes to my stepdad. She is plotting against me with him. Then she glances at me, massaging her back and leaning on her scepter, and asks me if I’m positively sure if I want to stay at home instead of going with them to the local supermarket. I assure her that grocery shopping with her was as boring as school.
Then suddenly it’s nighttime and I skip forward past the awkward stage of puberty into the fathoms of adulthood. I’m closing up shop. Putting away spare boxes into the complacent shelves. I walk up to the entryway door to transform the “come on in, we’re open” sign to the “sorry, we’re closed” sign. But there’s this really sexy twink knocking softly on the glass. I yell out that we’re closed but he insisted on coming in to talk to me. He wants me to do it to him, I’m positive.
So the car drives itself away like fate so anxiously wanting to lay down its foundation. I give a quick smile to my stepdad just to be polite before going into my room to play some videogames. But that smile I flash at him is a green light for him to pursue me.
I lead him to my office in the basement where I let the cobwebs materialize out of thin air. The young man looks so happy with his manila folder (most likely holding his resume) gently against his chest. He says he heard a lot about me from the press and assures me that he wants nothing more than to work for me.
I just want to go home. But he sits down across from me. He unzips his white jacket, beckoning me to admire his physique. Then he carefully hangs his hoodie on my coat rack. His shirt is a v-neck. The young man has tempting-looking chest hair. It is more than obvious that he yearns for my touch.
He knocks on my door and told me to help him clean up the house to surprise my mother when she gets home. I reply if he pays me money, I’ll do whatever he wants me to do. My stepdad giggles playfully as he barges into my room and unplugs my game console. That is the last straw. He answers my unexisting plea to take away my virginity. It sucks cus the least he can do is pay me afterwards but sometimes he doesn’t.
I get up soon after the young man sat down to lock my office door for privacy from my employees who went to their respective homes an hour before. I tell him that I’m not currently hiring at this point in time but I can reconsider if he admits he’ll do anything if I pay him to do it. I stole his smile. A scared expression is left behind on his face while I tear his smile off his porcelain face.
Masturbation had lost its fun since I no longer had an audience. The buzzing of the night light kept me up all night long. I didn’t sleep a wink. I crack myself up sometimes as my laughter fills the empty void. Just when I think I lost my mind entirely, I lose it a little bit more. I can no longer plant this seed anywhere other than my bedsheets. My bed wanted me to cultivate this undead garden, hardening along with the red eyes across the room reminding me that I had an audience after all. A sexy doctor peeked into my room, beckoning me to take his smile away from him too.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

My imagination will die with me

All my unpublished novels, unheard original songs, unread poems, and my infamous views of the world are most likely are going to die with me. Blogging instills the illusion that I already met fame. I tried to establish a writing career only to be jibbed off by Xlibris Publishing. They only care about money. I tried to introduce my lyrics to a music industry but they never have the time to see me. They don’t want to hear it. The poems are more for myself but I like to share them from time to time just to see if anyone replies. My love is becoming imaginary. After everything I have been through, apathy is taking its course. After my ex told me he never loved me to being with, my walls are built once more. I have so much love to give but no one can live for real in fantasy. My imagination will die with me. I don’t know when, I don’t know where, but it seems my efforts to proclaim my dreams are futile. Even people I happen to keep in my life are starting to get bummed out by me now. It’s not like I want to give up because if I did, I would end my life. The fact that I haven’t done that yet should show the inevitable hope I garner that my imagination will become real and my goals in life will be worth it after all the trials and tribulations have finally ceased, if they ever will. My barber gave me an eyecut along with the haircut. The brush my barber used to wipe extra hair from my face without warning cut my eyeball. I had to go to the emergency room and it tooks six hours to be seen. I have to apply eye ointment every four hours for the next five days. Not eye drops. Ointment. Hardest medication to apply to the body. I guarantee it.  Before this happened, I got poison ivy recently when I participated in the church clean up last weekend. Is that what I get for helping the church? Then my sister-in-law asking me why I’m always suicidal. And I don’t like how she treats my brother but there’s nothing I can do about that. That all happened in one weeks time. It leaves me wondering what’s worse: my brother’s marriage or my chronic loneliness? I feel like everything I say will always be the tip of the iceberg. I had the same therapist for over two years. The only one that never gave up on me. She knows me more than anyone. Yet I don’t think I can ever express myself 100%. Maybe there’s a lot of things in life that just simply can’t be acknowledged verbally. A type of spiritual endeavor everyone faces. I need a spiritual guide or something. I’m so lost. I know I’m just bitching right now and I might sound like a teenage rebel, but believe it or not but this is helping me a lot right now. Im sitting in my apartment with all the lights off because my right eyeball is very sensitive to the light. My phone’s brightness as low as can be. My cat keeping me company. That unconditional love my feline friend and I share is the same way people should be but they’re not. Always building defenses and afraid to take the risk of letting anyone in. Anyway it’s like my emotional and psychological monstrosities are displaying themselves to my human vessel. A reflection of my depression as physical pain. I lost my mind years ago and it seems now all the other components that makes me who I am are starting to deteriorate as well. Who have I become? Job from the Bible? The darkness is taking over but my faith in God and my hope to save others like me by telling you all about me is good enough to keep on going. My imagination will die with me but hopefully my brave storytelling will help you on your own personal endeavors too. That is the grace God bestows upon me.

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Have a wonderful day, my fallen angels! Over and out.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! 🙂