To Each His Own

To each his own. At one point in American History, black people were considered 3/5 of a person, women were nothing without a man, and gay marriage wasn’t legal until recently. So what stops anything from becoming the norm? Nudists or polyanimous marriages or even a utopian society can become the norm someday. Whether we’re alive to witness it happen or not is completely irrelevant. I’m miserable, but who honestly gives a fuck?

Hello to my unique fallen angels! I am so miserable. For a long time, I thought my misery stemmed from my ex or my past family drama. However, I forgave all of them a while ago. I’m indifferent towards them. I don’t even care enough to hate them or hold grudges against them. I get it. I don’t really have any family left. My ex moved on from me. It’s fine, really. This misery I feel is something totally different. You see, I’m a very simple man. As long as I have a roof over my head, food, clothes, and an ambience of safety, I’m good. I don’t care about name brands or what people think about me. Everyone is dealing with their own internal struggles. I go to college, work, the gym, and church but I don’t feel like anything I do amounts to anything truly important. I don’t feel inadequate though. My IQ is in the 140s so that’s not bad at all. I’m starting to think maybe life is too easy. That the “luxurious things in life” are just extra. As long as I can pay my bills and have some money left over to try to cheer myself up, I’m okay. I’m so bored with my life. I have been putting myself out there more and maintaining friendships yet it’s only a fleeting happiness that merely comes and goes without my consent. I am so miserable that I’m becoming physically sick.

I tend to compare myself to Ernest Hemingway a lot. A very intelligent man who was so intelligent that he couldn’t find the means to feel understood and couldn’t connect with other people. He ending up dying by his own volition just like so many other brilliant minds. They say humans are social creatures. Human nature doesn’t exist. There are two sides of me constantly upset with one another. One is like “what’s the point of interacting with other people outside the realm of vested interest?” While the other half is like “people bring out the best in me so why don’t I surround myself with them as much as possible?” I tend to see it so black and white.

I actually got offered to do drag again for this Thursday coming up but I’m not as excited as when I started doing drag. Perhaps the feeling will come back when the moment comes and goes.

I don’t know. I don’t understand how I can make people care about me. I don’t get how anyone can have time for anyone else. We’re always working or busy doing something or sleeping so how does one form a meaningful connection with another person? Do I even care? I must if I’m asking. Life is dull and lonely. It may just be my personal experiences but I notice that no matter if someone has a lot of money or not, or if someone has a lot of friends or not, or even if someone is famous or not, everyone is suffering one way or another. There’s no need for jealousy. Maybe this human life is a mere preliminary of something far more greater. Heaven and Hell? Something else? I don’t know… who the hell does?

I live my life utilizing superlatives and generalizations to indulge in my self-loathing. I find myself being void of all emotion – the good and the bad. I don’t care enough to hate anyone and love is too hard to come by. I do honestly believe that I felt happiest when I was with my ex-fiance. I hope he’s okay. I hope my mom’s okay. Despite everything, I’m indifferent. It’s hard to explain the feeling I’m trying to convey right now in this post.

No two people can ever have the same human experience. Our five senses of exceptionally unique. I believe that is why everyone has a different favorite food or color or kind of music (etc.). Each person garners a completely unique human experience. So what does it matter if I try to express my feelings for anything? We only blog to vent or to promote while only interacting with other blogs to better our own blogs. Hedonism and selfishness at its finest. No one likes to admit that they primarily do things for their own vested interest.

Loneliness is a state of mind, not of matter. No matter how many other people I try to be around or parties I attend, it’s all the same. This chronic loneliness is becoming a medical condition. I don’t care. Sometimes I think to myself that if I was diagnosed with cancer today, I would be relieved. I don’t fear death. I have tried to kill myself over a dozen times in my life but obviously I’m not good at it. So I gave up on giving up. I’ll just go through the motions, the ebb and flow of life. Whatever happens happens. I don’t care.

Perhaps God doesn’t exist after all. What a horrible thing to say considering that I got baptized just a few months ago. I know things can always get worse regardless.

I don’t get why so many people judge each other on their sexual orientation or religion or race. Who gives a fuck?

Who says I have to be diagnosed with major depression? A doctor that never been through it themselves? What if I’m the messiah or if I’ll be the first person to answer life’s questions? Or what if I’m just another person living in this world until Death comes to take me somewhere better and new?

Whatever anything ever is, simply is. So thanks for lasting this long and have a wonderful day! Over and out.

TEDx Talks

Hello to my knowledge-hungry fallen angels! Loneliness is a state of mind not a state of matter. You can surround yourself with so many people and still feel absolutely alone. Check out this video in the TEDx Talks series on YouTube. There are many videos in this channel, including “how to live a good life” and “the philosophy behind romantic love.” I highly recommend looking into all the other TEDx Talks videos on YouTube too.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: Thanks for reading 🙂

Yet Another Way to Describe Misery

Let’s live a lie because the truth is too hard to arouse.

I must replenish my will to live weakly weekly in His house.

Deferring my dreams like a raisin in the sun –

The mask is pretty enough to provide me false fun.

Timidness is an act in a performance that I’ve mastered in this cage.

Friendship is merely a hologram in this technological age…

Neglect my existence over and over again until I’m just a nuisance.

I will invade your emotions until they’re anything but elusive.

Only someone whose odd can be number one.

Yet another way to describe misery but I’m almost done.

All my poems seem to be written in a similar way

For happiness is indigenous same shit different day.

Human and spiritual standpoints

Good morning to my spiritual fallen angels! How are you? So let’s begin, shall we? One of my earliest posts, it’s easy being evil, I state that it’s easier to be evil than it is to be good just like it’s easier to make a mess than it is to clean it up. At a human standpoint, I can love and hate whomever I want. However, I find it effortless to hold grudges or gossip and although it may be easy, it’s also not beneficial to my unique place in this world. As an empath, I must learn more about how to differentiate others’ emotions from my own. Are these feelings of vengeance and paranoia my own? There is so much evil in the world so it could just be that these impure thoughts stem from others yet I’m still accountable for them. Within my meditation sessions, I must constantly remind myself that the past no longer exists and the future has yet to exist. Either way, right now is all that really matters. Then I remind myself to get off my train of thought and acknowledge time and space. For example, I’m on the city bus and it’s August 13th, 2015. I go into more detail but I don’t want to disclose too much about my whereabouts. After that, I recall the three spiritual laws that draw the line between hope and fear. I could explain the three spiritual laws but I have stated them already in numerous of my previous posts. But if you still want me to tell you, please ask in the comments section below. Anyway, I tell myself that we are all human and we all have our own internal struggles. We just handle conflict, rejection, and disappointment differently. We all sin differently. We are all inevitably subjected to experience all the trials and tribulations that consist throughout the human experience stated in various religious texts. We are fallen angels subconsciously enforcing our soul contracts and are tributes withdrawn from the golden gates to enact our human lives. Afterwards, I silently sit outside to soak in the presence of those around me as well as the birds chirping and the sunlight glaring down on me. This allows me to ease my way to the spirit realm. Finally, once I’m there, I ground, center, and shield to expel all negativity, align my chakras, and protect myself from negative intrusion. I do this, along with yoga, at least once a day. I have to. My emotions are too powerful and dangerous if left uncontrolled. Like Raven from Teen Titans, reinforcing my emotions hours a day is essential for keeping the darkness at bay. I can only imagine the full extent of my wrath but I know it’s imperative to never give in to evil or give up on the concept of love no matter how easy it would be to release the bind or to become apathetic. If I cease to be capable of love, I will never be able to come back out. I must love and respect everyone and everything in our existence because that’s what heroes do. So let’s support each other no matter what. The best thing to say to someone is that they are not alone. Depression, abuse, neglect, heartbreak, starvation, betrayal, hopelessness, and so much more… we have all experienced these things one way or another. Don’t deny it anymore. Don’t bury your feelings. Don’t let anyone tell you to give up on your dreams for them as if it’s some black and white ultimatum that will label you good or bad. You are beautiful. Your vulnerabilities and your undisclosed desires are the things that makes you stand out. Have a wonderful day and good luck on your personal endeavors! Over and out.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: Thanks for reading 🙂

Potentially Kinetic

Sex is a game, you say?
A recreational activity done to chop down your morning wood,
Prostituting my feelings to overshield my heart chakra,
Thoughts of love and care for you repressed on the back-burner,

A friend with benefits, you say?
Someone you can divulge your bulge no strings attached,
I respect your body,
I enjoy your company,
I breathe in your philosophical words like fuel to my desire,

I’m your cub and you’re my bear, you say?
Yogi Bear and Boo Boo out on an evening stroll,
Your pic-ki-nic basket in hand,
So you can’t hold mine,
The ball is in your court,
my potential lover

It’s better off this way, you say?
Your mind is like Rain Man’s getting me wet,
I may need an umbrella post-penetration,
This fornication is mind-blowing,
The remnants of my first love temporarily forgotten,

You’ll come over tonight, you say?
Let’s embark to our own little sinful world once more,
Trek through the jagged pieces of my withered broken-heart,
You’re more worthy than a mere rebound from a former flame,

Let’s never stop this adventure, you say?
I have so much love to give and you’re my top candidate,
But for now I’ll try to garnish my wages to hide my heart,
For I will never allow myself to ruin such a wonderful tradition.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: Thanks for reading 🙂

Kick-in-the-crotch-spit-in-your-face fantastic!

Alas! I am Emperor Empath!

Begone, all negativity!

Cry no more for I’m rising from the ashes!

Dread and insanity fuels my reign!

Evil-doers and church-goers alike, rejoice!

Finally, my time has come for self-discovery!

Grotesque misuse of imagination is worry!

Hosanna in the highest! All seven chakras are centered!

Iceberg’s tip is all you’ll ever fathom!

Juxtaposition of boy meets world and our daily bread!

Kill the violence for murder and war has yet to die!

Laughing out loud to a world divided by categories!

Malicious thoughts of a dirty mind are cleansed by grounding!

Naughty humans repent whenever they want to!

Opalescence of a congressional anomaly!

Penance is free it’s virtue important!

Queens of drag express their femininity!

Repress your memories until they suffocate under the pressure!

Sufian, the infamous possession of a drunk personality asunder!

Train your mind and control your emotions!

Under the influence of a natural high and an inevitable low!

Veins depleted of evil’s black sludge and replaced with liquid gold!

Win this game of life! Never admit defeat!

Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters is where I graduated from!

You are in perfect health! You are still a good person, I tell myself!

Zealots will forever be un-shielded! Oblivious to the white light of God’s love and divine protection forevermore!