Praying in the Dark

It’s exhausting,
Obsessing over a ghost,
Idle by the phone,
A special kind of torture

I faced my shadow,
Every dark thought I ever feared about myself,
Came into fruition,
And I reveled in its power

There was no physical pain,
So I overlooked the mundane,
Unwilling to accept the truth,
My feelings are valid too

So I forfeit all my faith into the unknown,
An intangible and omnipotent deity,
In the place of someone I loved
Seems like the best way to go,

Salvation XIV

Though we trek on this path alone,
Our souls unite us under His vibrant light.
We are never astray,
never fearful,
for we cower not under the Sun of Virtue.
He bonds us to those we cherish;
He provides us brawn when we have none;
and in the most shrouded of places,
He leads us.
For He observes all,
Discerns all,
His love relentless.
He defends us so that we could defend others;
and we will ascend,
a Flame flickering in His Hearth,
Glowing and liberated.

Salvation IX

I         II       III       IV       V       VI      VII       VIII

Peering at life through a keyhole,
You’re more refined than you’ve ever been before,
But you still have more wisdom and experience to acquire.
Trembling like a god,
Holding up half the sky to say
That you can’t do it on your own.
Just because you stumble and lose your way,
It doesn’t mean you’re lost forever.
Sometimes we all need a little help.
Compassion makes you chary.
Yet you still can see beyond the walls
They made their homes from their pasts many years ago.
Their torment overwhelms you.
It seems easier to give in to the mayhem you uncover,
But it’s not their pain you’re afraid of,
It’s your own.
And as frightening as that may be,
That desolation will make you stronger.
If you allow yourself to intuit the sorrow –
Encompass it –
It will make you more powerful than you can ever imagine.
It’s the most cogent gift to have,
To bear their agony without falling apart,
And resilient empathy is born from the most human power…
Hope.

Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

Salvation VIII

Salvation I

Salvation II

Salvation III

Salvation IV

Salvation V

Salvation VI

Salvation VII

Anyone is capable of great benevolence and great evil,
Good deeds are hardly altruistic,
But they’re still good deeds,
No matter what background –
Or terrible upbringing –
You may blame for being half-alive.
Even in the deepest depths of despair lies such a benign unknown,
The beauty in this world indeed exists.
I’ve witnessed it a few times myself.
It may seem nugatory and scarce,
Yet losing faith in the beautiful uncertainties in life
Would hurt tenfold compared to any pain that evil can ever inflict upon you.
You are entitled to your own destiny.
The fork in the road lies bare
To a flow chart of decisions.
So where will you go from here?

Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

Walking on Water

image

Savage winds were sirens
beckoning me to die
Ghastly lightning strikes
Pinned me down near the oars
They plunged into the briny deep
Laughing thunder mocked my helpless cries
I screamed in agony
So sure of my demise
Lo and behold!
Beneath the stormy clouds was a standing man
He wore a shimmering ivory gown
With hair a trough of milk chocolate trails
“Do you have faith in me?” He asked as if I can
Despite this chaotic typhoon brewing
I honestly answered in affirmation
So he extended his right arm
He announced for me to walk towards him
Goosebumps coiled around my arms in response
A flash of undeniable beauty
Relinquished all doubt
So I tentatively placed my right foot forward
Onto the ocean’s surface
And removed the other
From the canoe’s uncertainty
Now I was a standing man
Gazing fondly at the original
My eyes never veered away from him
His exuberance negated disorder
Waves were crashing all about
Yet now the natural world respected me
Until fear pulled its hold on me once more
I began to panic and shriek
Pausing midway to close my eyes
Enprisoning my soul within my gates again
Old habits die hard
Longer than a blink
I awoke on a ship
Recalling a lustrous illusion
Gone but true

Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

Salvation VII

Salvation I     Salvation II     Salvation III    Salvation IV    Salvation V     Salvation VI

There will always only be one such existence as yourself.
You are nobody else…
That is why everything you do –
Or touch
Or construct
Or modify
– is something only you and you alone could have done.
Just by breathing,
even if just a little,
you changed the world around you for the better.
You may be despondent,
but the world you live in will continue to go on.
The home to this insane and magnificent guild –
the world that your life itself has changed,
no matter how paltry.
You exist as a fragile,
porcelain gear amongst many within the turning of the world clock.
A person’s life isn’t defined by grand accomplishments.
There’s no need to further pursue a timeless quest to justify your existence,
Or anyone else’s for that matter…
You are alive!
Does that not itself give meaning to your life?

Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

Long Gone

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Heartbeat decreases
Pick up the pieces
Of a heart that’s long gone

Reinvent the wheel
Tell me how you feel
Of a heart that’s long gone

The Sun’s rays are too bright
You will combust in the light
Let the heat melt your broken heart
Let it pour into the mold of a new start

It will freeze in the dark
That’s the only way it resurrects
It will heal in the dark
Silence forms mental constructs

Waiting’s the worst part
Staring at a work of art
Of a heart that’s long gone

Chronokinesis
Formulate a thesis
Of a heart that’s long gone

The moon’s soldiers shine so bright
Shooting stars in the night
Let the constellations fade
They’re only missed when farewell they bade

You will flourish like sand in the wind
That’s the only way you’ll move on
You will live because you’re a godsend
Only the past is dead and long gone

Feel free to like and comment on this post and I will do the same for you. Also, please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B012BSPFCQ/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1452971409&sr=1-1&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=The+Pandemonium+Chronicles

Free Choice

Hello to my inconsistent fallen angels. I’m so sorry that I haven’t been blogging nearly as much as I used to. I have been in a rut for the longest. I have major depression and bipolar disorders. I’m sick of people saying that they’re just labels because if they were so, then they wouldn’t exist to begin with. I have serious issues and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I have nothing left to lose and I don’t feel like the world owes me anything. It is what it is. I’m refusing to take my meds. I’m a grown ass man so I can do that. No medication in the world can cure a broken heart or loneliness. I have to be patient and go through the motions. I have to resist this urge to quit everything in my life, such as college or this blog. I already quit my job and the GSA at my college so my resistance isn’t perfect but I have more important obligations I refuse to give up on. I found friends in the most unlikely places and I’m more blessed than I give myself credit for. However, I’m not afraid of death nor am I afraid of man. I’m only afraid of the things I can’t see. It’s those things that gives my life meaning and purpose. Things that require faith in order to establish within our own realities. Well I hope you understood my psychobabble. Have a wonderful day! Over and out.

Feel free to like and comment on this post and I will do the same for you. Also, please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B012BSPFCQ/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1452971409&sr=1-1&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=The+Pandemonium+Chronicles

A Short Sabbatical

Hello to my living fallen angels! I got discharged from a psych ward for the millionth time the other day. I tried to commit suicide once again. I overdosed last week and I was sure that I would finally die this time around because I took a lot of pills and chased them down with some cough syrup. I’m very disappointed that I survived but I know there’s a small part of me that is glad I did. If I honestly 100% wanted to die, then I could jump in front of a train or jump off a certain 11-floor building… It turns out that I kinda wanna live. I was overdue for a vacation and my local psych ward was just the place to unwind and heal from the stressors that make up the majority of my existence. I made a lot of great friends at the hospital. It seems like the mental health system is where I make all my friends worth staying in touch with. I don’t have much in common with Normies (people who were never in the mental health system and are therefore deemed “normal”) so I tend not to establish friendships with them. I realize my light side is just as influential to my life as my dark side is. I have a lot going for me. I’m pursuing a career in Psychology through college. I work as a suicide hotline operator (ironic, isn’t it?) and that opens the door for joining Recovery University, where I can further indulge in my chosen field. I want to be a mental health psychologist. That way, I could still be in the ambience of the hospital without being a patient. Two distinct halves of me learned to balance in equilibrium. One being that “if I ever found out I had cancer, I honestly would feel relieved.” The other being that “we’re all human subjected to trials and tribulations and I can’t find it in me to hate or hold grudges against anyone.” Anyway, now I’m just trying to get back into the grooves and patterns of my everyday life again. I love you all, my fallen angels! We are doing the best we can! Have a wonderful day! Over and out.

Feel free to like and comment on this post and I will do the same for you. Also, please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B012BSPFCQ/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1452971409&sr=1-1&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=The+Pandemonium+Chronicles

Once Innocence Lost

I was so frail until I fell into your mind,
But fate never pulled me out from its bind.
A think tank I drown in for so damn long.
Your dominion that reigns over me is so strong.

Beat me.
Spit on me.
Tell me I’m scum.

Rape me.
Scream at me.
Until you cum.

You convince me I’m nothing whether you’re here or not.
You might as well raze me here now, my sexy stoic robot.

I was an innocent little boy until I fell for you hard.
I sold my soul when I put down my guard.
Your arms I wore like a wedding dress.
Ivory silk drips underneath to caress.

Grab me.
Don’t kiss me.
Make me your bitch.

Sedate me.
Don’t date me.
Until your dick twitch.

You sold me spare parts of a heart non-existent.
Yet I’ll forever remain perplexingly persistent.

I was so ambitious until I fell on your facade.
Down on my knees as if you were God.
My religion is you because I’m a little monster.
Not once did doubt show you were an imposter.

Choke me.
Condemn me.
Drag me to hell.

Fuck me.
Lie to me.
My body’s for sale.

You made me believe faith is a waste of time.
Even life itself gives me something to deny.