fiction & poetry

Stranger
I believed in the kindness of a stranger,
Even if there was danger,
And a war raging within me
For once I allowed myself to be naive,
For safety was solitude,
So familiar yet so new
Wild was the world
and lonely was a path,
To get to you
Nothing was more attractive
Than becoming more active,
On the front line
What I knew would break me in the end,
As I flew towards it,
It left me for dead
Like a moth trying to possess the flame,
Glistening so vividly,
As it set me aflame
Nothing could bring me back to life,
After you left me to die
On a road so far away
Love and light shined too bright,
They both left me so blind
Before I crashed as I looked away
One single night
She sings sad songs
every single night
I can hear her through the walls
every single night
if walls could talk
every single night
they wouldn’t talk at all
every single night
they’d merely listen
every single night
she bears her soul
every single night
each note yearns to come out
every single night
She sings sad songs
Every single night
Until she doesn’t
One single night
The One-Eyed Angel fucks conformity
Conforming is predictable, safe, and adaptive to one’s individual place in the world. It is easy to abide by something that is so trivial. Little thought and energy is given to doing things that one normally does. Social norms allow one to experience a sense of safety and security, reassurance, especially in times of discomfort or distress. It is like a safety net, something to fall back on, and something to rely on. One’s comfort zone is a place of familiarity and tranquility. It distills the pressures that life presents, the uncertainty of the future, and the fear that follows close behind.
On the other hand, conformity can also refrain one from trying new things or exploring different realms of understanding the world. People genuinely fear the unknown and conforming is a way one adapts to the changes that life presents us. It can render us from taking necessary risks. Also, it could dissuade us from breaking free of complacence. There is a whole world out there to interact with, to learn from, to experience, but conforming can ultimately hold us back from fully harnessing our potential.
Breaking free of social constructs could also leave one to deviate further and further from the status quo. It alleviates the burden of figuring out how to escape from the confines of one’s mind. It could also prevent any means to abscond from what is expected of us.
Personally, from the outside looking in, most people think I’m crazy. From my point of view, living within the craziness, it merely feels like I’m being chastised for being honest within a world of liars.
After 25 years, I still don’t know what it means to be human. I don’t know if it’s ever possible to stray away from the pressure to confirm. Unless the existential dread that I garner every day is the embodiment of humanity. But at this point in my life, I try not to be negative. I try not to be consumed in the darkness of my past. I tell myself that I’ve reached the other side of the tunnel and being humble is proof of that.
I refuse to close myself off from the world. I won’t allow myself to overgeneralize or to assume every person will hurt me simply because a few actually did. Otherwise, I would be no different than those who actually deserve to be condemned in that fucking box I place the whole world in! I’m not going to let my insecurities or my hurt feelings sever my ties to humanity. Or else this unrelenting misery will be all I’ll ever know. And conforming will forever be an inevitability.
I don’t think society is getting worse though. I think the plethora of national occurrences had always been happening. Perhaps society, itself, is becoming more self-aware. Things that used to happen behind closed doors, things that we were once ashamed to admit to anyone – are coming to light. Instead of judging the truth for what it is, we should learn from these horrific events because how else will humanity evolve?
Are there any jobs out there where everyone can be as gay as they fucking want without discrimination? Jesus fucking Christ! Why do social constructs exist where only people confined in the box labeled “majority” can thrive? Like why do I have to be a certain way and come from a certain place and look a certain way to be treated fairly? I question social and cultural constructs and norms all the time when most people abide by them without question. I feel like an alien living in an unfair Utopia where hard work and dedication doesn’t mean anything if you don’t fit the cookie cutter lifestyle that’s expected of us. Fuck conformity! Fuck social acceptance! Hail deviance! Hail satan!
It seems like everything is a social construct. For some reason, women earn 80 cents on the dollar compared to men for doing the same shit as of 2018. It’s even less for women of color. What the fuck is that all about? How come throughout time anyone who isn’t a rich, white, straight man got treated like shit? Why does it matter if you’re male or female or gay or bisexual or transsexual or non-binary or cisgendered? Who cares if you’re black, white, asian, yellow, Hispanic, or Krytonian for fuck’s sake? We are all equals. Point blank.
It used to be legal to own a slave. It used to be illegal to help a runaway slave. People used to think the Earth was flat. And anyone who thought the world was round was ostracized. The pilgrims left Europe to find The New World where they can be free to be themselves and to practice any religion they like. Look how that turned out too! And then we have Columbus Day? He didn’t even discover America! The Native Americans were here way before we were. And the pilgrims just pushed them further and further west until they all splashed right into the Pacific Ocean. Everything is bullshit! The textbooks that we have our children read as ultimate truth? This whole society is built on lies!
I always tell myself that every single life is precious, but there are some days when it’s harder to believe that. Meditation, grounding, centering, and shielding helps remind me that despite the chaos that occurs all around the world, there is also astounding beauty surrounding us all. There are two sides to every coin. You can generalize and say the world and its inhabitants are doomed to hell. However, generalizations are merely logical fallacies. You can ultimately create a theory out of anything, but that doesn’t mean it’s right. Tragedy humbles us, builds our resilience, and allows us opportunities to take part in helping others. Good stems from evil. And the majority will never keep us down!
Most people tend to project their own insecurities and their own morals and beliefs onto other people. Most of the time, whenever someone treats you in a negative way, it usually has nothing to do with you at all. You have every right to occupy space in this world just as much as anyone else. No more, no less. Don’t let other people force their own morals and beliefs onto you. Don’t feel ashamed when they’re disappointed that your truth doesn’t match theirs. For this world is full of so many possibilities. Each living thing has an entirely unique experience.. The sights they see.. the sounds they hear…. the lives they live.. are so complicated and yet so simple. Regardless, you’re something extraordinary… you’re a human being.
Nocturnal Inspiration
It’s darkest before the dawn’s early rise,
When the brightest ideals are up for grabs,
I alone am the answer to this prize,
Cheating temporary death to keep tabs,
Is it right to sacrifice rest for art?
When the Sun brings forth new ways of thinking,
Not my kind of thinking but it’s a start,
Moon shines its lover’s scraps fit for a king.
I won’t let lethargy rob me of this,
It’s mine! I won’t let the light of day thrive!
Light gets enough attention as it is,
Let the underdog crawl from its own strife.
Gold chariot comes to pull me from bed,
but like man’s best friend, I like to play dead
Unrequited Path To You
“Through all the pain and suffering,
through all the heartbreak,
through all the fear,
through all the rage,
through years and years of trial and error,
I would do it all again
if it meant that the end result
would still lead me to you.”
Midnight Summer Breeze
In undergarments
in the dark staring
out at a full moon silence
held at bay with only the sound
of my breath beautiful
tranquility a safe haven only I know
exists
starlight spills through the blinds
skin bathed in an ethereal hue
would this night
feel the same with you?
others are out there
in the dark staring down
at a bright screen
silence held at bay with
only the sound of validation
beautiful tranquility within a home
I cannot fathom
Shades are drawn skin
plastered in an enchanting glow
how the hell would
I know?
Lift Me Up
“Wrap your burly hands around my throat,
And lift me up towards heaven,
Your own brand of ascension,
For you I’ll leave my clothes behind”
Tearing At The Seams
I’m in love with a man
I can’t say no to,
I’m in love with the man
Of my dreams,
I’m in love with a man
That I’ll hold onto
And my mind is tearing
At the seams,
I’m in love with a man
No one compares to,
I’m in love with a man
More handsome than you,
I’m in love with a man
Who says he loves me too
And my heart is breaking
Heart is aching…

Rooted to the Ground
Blades of grass tear through my throat,
Down to my lungs,
I am nothing if not rooted to the ground,
I shake my tree to bear fruit to a barren wasteland,
I fool my body to fertilize the garden,
For every seed I sow,
I make this world more beautiful,
If only for a moment,
There’s a special kind of sadness that seems to come with Spring,
At least that’s what I whisper to myself at night