CAUTION

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Hello to my cautious fallen angels! It’s been a while since I last checked in. I tend to write poetry and short stories, but there’s nothing wrong with that.

It’s Mother’s Day and the sadness wrecks havoc once again. I was an unusual child. My mother was afraid of me. She called me “the sick boy.” I spoke of death, misery, and hopelessness around the time my parents were divorced, and also during the time I began to get bullied in school. Then, trauma ensued and I became catatonic from the age of 10 to 18. I dressed in gothic garments, cut myself regularly, and tried to commit suicide whenever I was bored so she could keep me entertained. I blamed her for the loss of my innocence even though she didn’t do it directly.

I used to have sex with gangsters for drugs and pickpocket strangers on the streets to survive. My mother was a whore, and there was never food in the house. I went in and out of psych wards, residentials, group homes, and state hospitals. I got expelled from four different high schools before I finally graduated.

By then, my mother no longer bothered visiting me, let alone keeping me entertained. She gave up on me. I am the “Jason Todd”* of her four children.

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*Jason Todd was the second Robin after Dick Grayson. He was murdered by The Joker. Then, he was resurrected by the use of Ra's Al Ghul's Lazarus Pit. Jason Todd became a villain called The Red Hood.

Now I am a grown man. And every Mother’s Day that comes and goes relinquishes the mental bind I constructed to keep these horrid memories at bay.

I am socially rejected by almost every social group dynamic I have come across throughout the years. I am guarded and I hardly let anyone in. I portray this dark persona but I believe myself to be very gentle and kind. I must be cautious at all times. It’s days like today that never let me forget why I always exercise CAUTION.

Well, just because I hate Mother’s Day due to association by my own life’s experience, it doesn’t mean you feel the same way. At that note, I wish you all a Happy Mother’s Day!

Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

The One-Eyed Angel

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The one day I can be myself at the finale of a Wiccan ritual. Entombed in my own psyche, condemned to tolerance for my fallen angels during any other day.

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The life of an intellectual is a lonely one. Contention is my safety net. Rock bottom is my summer resort. This isn’t the first time but it isn’t the worst crime.

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Smiles are infinite. Penance is mine for the taking once I’m ready to embrace my free salvation. Turning the pages of a story that has long since found a home.

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My exceptional existence is plastered in darkness and rainbows. Introverted seclusion and human desire clash in everlasting psychic warfare.

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I found God in a former flame. Submitted to hardship and faith nidificated upon the threshold. I found the devil in a selfish lover. Tested the boundaries of two titanium halos.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

Leader of the Fallen (me!)

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This is me today. It’s a glorious Sunday and I just got out of church. This whole gothic, darkness style intrigues me deeply but I have a big heart and i mean well. God loves me and all His other creations, no matter what. I am beautiful and so are you. So don’t assume people who dress like me worship Satan or something else bizarre. It’s usually the Goths who have suffered a lot yet are humbled and more caring than anyone else. It is the troubled who smile the brightest of all. Have a wonderful day, my glorious fallen angels! Over and out.

Don’t sweat the small stuff

Good afternoon, my amazing fallen angels. Apparently people have it in for me. This guy in my college success course tried to psychoanalyze me. He said I probably had a tough high school experience because I’m fat, goth, and I have a lisp. I didn’t even know I have a lisp. This guy was observing me all semester hardcore. It’s funny as hell because I never ever bothered to learn his name. Yet no one can forget my name. I’m too unusual to be forgotten. I love being weird and I’m surprisingly diesel under my clothes. I guess I was retaining water these last few days. Dude’s attempting to antagonize me for no reason. It shows how negative he is overall. I will pray for him. Lol. It’s hilarious when people try to put me down. I am very resilient. I don’t sweat the small stuff. People get mad over the simplest things. I am powerful and my self-esteem is not a problem. I am the only constant variable in my life. Everyone else comes and goes. I don’t get attached to others and I accept that people will always want to watch me fail. But all I fail to do is save them from themselves. I train my body, my mind, my heart and my spirit. I work out quite regularly, I practice  resilience, I guard my heart, and I have faith in God. I believe that is the key to life. At least it’s the key to my life. Have a wonderful day! Over and out.