Tried With You

You guarded yourself very well. You didn’t even have to. I would never have intentionally hurt you. You thought I was weak yet you perceived me as a threat. You felt that you could just walk all over me. You thought that I wouldn’t catch on to your little games. I sensed the pain that you garnered, the suffering that you’ve endured every passing day. I knew you considered suicide. I knew that your ex-husband was sending you mail to my address. And I know that you’re probably living with her now. You don’t owe me anything. I thought I could save you. I thought I could help you get back on your feet again. But I was so wrong. How could I have expected you to love me when your whole life depended on self-preservation and survival? Someone like you doesn’t have the mental capacity to love. All your energy was spent on trying to live another day. Maybe I was selfish for having a homeless man stay with me and expecting a relationship out of it. Maybe I did feel a sense of power and control. Maybe it felt good to know that someone needed me. I admit that I’ve done wrong but you never admitted your wrong-doings. I tried with you, but we weren’t equally yoke. You had secrets. You made me feel like everything that happened between us was solely my fault. You manipulated my emotions and you’re a sociopath who fools everyone in your wake. Your delusions even make you fool yourself. What could I have possibly done to save you?

Nothing.

Cried With You

I kicked off my work shoes and securely closed the door behind me. You glanced in my direction, your eyes moist and red with grief. I dropped everything and kneeled idly by your side. You looked away and buried your face, a feeble attempt to hide the pain. I held you in my embrace and realized that you had let me in. You sobbed while your tears were accompanied by somber tunes. I ignored the uncomfortable feeling of my knees on marble tiles. You were my top priority and nothing else mattered that night. I whispered positive affirmations in your ear and that was when you turned your whole body towards me and said that you loved me. I felt butterflies fluttering while you were sitting there in turmoil. So I stayed there beside you and cried with you. You were too good to be true. I found it easiest to love you when you had no one else to turn to.

A Chariot in the Sky

You were the Sun illuminating our lives.

Our prayers will be the sunlight lifting you up towards home.

We will think of you during every dawn

As we await nightfall to drift amongst you within the stars.

For home is not merely a place in a physical world.

It is a living entity comprised of silver cords connecting us all together.

A sense of safety and security standing firm through even your worst mistakes.

You continue to live inside us because we can recall the radiance you exuded.

Of all things visible and invisible,

Thy will be done

On Earth as it is in heaven.

A chariot in the sky.

Salvation XIII

Although you abused me emotionally and used me to near depletion, I still worry about you. I hope you’re eating enough. I hope that you find a place to call your own. I hope that you find what you seek in life. I don’t want you to die. I will always care for you, even if I have accepted the fact that I can never let you inside my heart ever again.

To The Family

Abuelo is in a much better place than we’ll ever know.
Heaven is infinitely times better than where we are now.
So don’t be sad, everyone.

Be happy that he found peace.
And lived a full life with our huge family who loves him limitlessly.
His soul escaped the confinement of his human vessel to reach unfathomable heights.

Anything in life can be perceived negatively or positively.
Let yourself grieve and take that journey from the darkness of loss to the light of acceptance.
I am here for you all.

I try to make you all laugh in the expense of my atonement.
I am truly honored to be your jester if it will make you feel better even just for a moment.
I love you all more than you’ll ever know.

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Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

The Five Sons of Grief

One wore his heart like a crown,
And pretended you were still around

One never learned of forgiveness,
Burning in a pool of his own vengeful sickness

One played the devil’s advocate,
Who sold his soul without commitment

One dreamt away his life,
For every waking moment was in strife

And one grows fond of the change in seasons,
Winter preludes Spring and he knows the reasons

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Heaven is locked up in those bones of his

There once was a man who came up to me,
And introduced himself so politely,
As he also sat on the wooden bench,
He was aware of our boundaries,

In response I told him my name,
We shook hands and we smiled the same,
30 minutes past until the bus came,
He asked me if I’d go home or if I’d rather stay,

I decided the latter and we went on a date,
Went to the movies until it got late,
We exchanged numbers a bridge we create,
It was love at first sight that seemed like fate,

He was such a handsome gentleman,
It was two months before we held hands,
He was so afraid to make his move,
But when he did all doubt he removed,

In six months’ time he confessed his love,
Every time he spoke angels sang from above,
Everyday words turned into love songs,
Butterflies came back when I thought they were gone,

Everyone else thought he was a bad guy,
But I knew for a fact he had love trapped inside,
I clawed at his walls til my nails bloody raw,
Was he always so guarded before I never saw,

Two years has past since the day we first met,
So much has happened since that fateful event,
He wasn’t the same man I once fell hard for,
Evil encased his heart but not to his core,

His views on the world had changed so much,
So cold and defeated became his touch,
I tried so hard to save him from the dark,
But of to no avail shadows made their mark,

Paranoia and apathy took over him,
The light he once garnered grew so dim,
So eventually I had to let him go,
His love or lack of it thereof,

He was my first love I’ll never forget,
The good times we shared I’ll never regret,
He saved my life with just one kiss,
And now he’s gone a man I’ll forever miss,

His altruistic ways will always live on,
In me his memory as bright as the Sun,
It’s tragic that this love was dismissed,
Heaven is locked up in those bones of his