The Lazarus Pit

Rusted metal head my splintered morning wood garner,
I unearth my backyard without a peep from the childhood pets now owned by a farmer.
Nevertheless a howling wind opposes my venture,
For I discovered the Lazarus Pit when I set aside my childish ways.
This is what it’s like to set aside my childish ways.
Toys that once distracted me I now bury deeper into life.

An angel fell dead at my feet in the middle of the night.
The blinds casted forth black and white stripes on its ethereal form ‘fore moonlight.
I waited ’til the Sun reclaimed his throne and ’til a cat got my tongue, As if nothing in this world was any better in the midst of it all.
Ceasing such beauty must be better in the midst of it all.
Liquid gold I let exalt me I now bury deeper into life.

His name served no purpose now that his soul contract has expired.
I recall he hugged my knees to beg for me to play with him but I was so tired.
This shovel must be held with gardening gloves modeled after the desperate damsel ‘fore me;
Unkindly strown on calloused hands to get the job done right.
Bragging ’bout a dismembered servant to get the job done right.
Untold mystery I tend to share I now bury deeper into life.

Sacrifice is all it took to rid myself of such ridicule.
Bugs from animal carcasses attached themselves onto the toys and their cadaver who was mistaken for a fool,
‘Tis I, longing a mate to aid me in digging a grave that’ll someday be robbed.
Black sludge isn’t praised for it’s easier to digest.
Desire relapse every night thus far for it’s easier to digest.
Dreams I yearn to dream I now bury deeper into life.

Just as I predicted with dark magic I try to prove is real,
My toys and my precedence rose from Gaia in a way that made me glad of the other end of the deal.
It went too far, however, or perhaps not far enough.
Soulless solace didn’t repel the bugs that were found scavenging my past,
As if I have control of who was found scavenging my past.
There is no fear that let me die as I now bury deeper into life.

I asked my mother where do babies come from.
She told me a stork drops them off but she killed it because it was so dumb.
I never agreed with her ’til now.
Bringing children into this world should be a crime.
Madness and despair that makes up this world should be a crime.
Toys and angels are forfeited by a regretful child as I now bury deeper into life.

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Brotherhood Antiquity

When we were children,
The streets were dipped in a palette of bright colours,
Plastered with playground games,
Other neighborhood kids contributed to the Mona Lisa,
But until our friends faded away into the folds of our minds,
Our walls were down,
Sweetest submission to the latest fad,
Where the Jedi swung their lightsabers,
Where a young boy traveled the galaxy with Donald and Goofy,
It was here where the brotherhood was established,

Waking up to presents on the dining room table,
Three days of celebration for something we didn’t believe in,
When Nickelodeon and Disney actually had good shows,
A troupe of babies led by a one-year-old hero with his toy screwdriver,
A trio of high school kids where one of them was psychic,
Bunk beds in constant cleaning from nervous bladders,
It was here where the brotherhood was formed,

Saving up for bigger prizes and better gaming consoles,
When we should have saved ourselves,
An anomaly that can’t be revoked yet we are still close,
I do your homework in exchange for my own personal gain,
But it’s all in good fun indeed it is,
Four mile walks to the land of summer reading programs,
Escape from the coven of witches brewing sin in their cauldron,
Through it all an emperor and a father originated from antiquity,
It was here where the brotherhood was born and raised til present day

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

Spread my ashes here

Where I met my first love,
Where I escaped from a broken home,
When my existence was sad and forlorn,
Where I knew my life was changed forever,
West Hartford Center,

Who I was before,
A scared and angry adolescent,
Who I am now,
A resilient and positive mister,
West Hartford Center,

Why did I ever leave,
Why did I have to move away,
Why did I have to grow up and pay bills,
Why does everything I touch wither,
West Hartford Center,

When I began to fathom love’s embrace,
When I experienced my first official heart break,
When I became one of those adults guarded from all emotion,
When life shoved it’s dick further,
West Hartford Center,

What do I do now in this crowded yet lonely world,
What new kind of beautiful lies will provoke my repressed desire,
What will be the title of the next chapter of my life,
What place can awaken the story that prevented anyone to enter,
West Hartford Center, 

How is someone like me pure of heart yet misfortunate,
How can bad things still happen to good people,
How will this place revive me when hope had just been born,
How can a man darken my state of mind as I placed him on an alter,
West Hartford Center

It was here where he came up to me,
Asked me if I’d rather stay with him or go home,
I can’t think of a better place to spread my ashes than here,
Just to do it all again and board the emotional roller coaster,
West Hartford Center

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Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

How Stress Affects My Memory

An example of a tough life includes antidepressants and lots and lots of therapy. It was the psych meds that really altered my mind in ways that both were beneficial and harmful to my overall psyche. Although my formally prescribed “crazy pills” helped me a lot to deal with my traumatic past, these same pills drastically affected my memory. Out of all the topics we have discussed in class, I relate best with chapter six’s Memory. People in my life notice when I’m under stress, I tend to forget a lot of what they tell me. Forgetfulness has been an issue for me so often that I am sometimes afraid it will impact my daily life for the worst. The good thing about antidepressants is that when they are taken as prescribed for a long period of time, bad memories tend to be harder to recall. The bad component about psych medication is that it makes it harder to remember things that people say or do that would otherwise be very important to look back on. Repressing negative memories is usually hard to do with the average person but I feel those meds were a blessing in disguise.

From 14 to 20 years old, I have been prescribed to take many kinds of pills that specialized in improving my psychological flaws. This selective memory, I like to call it, makes it easier for me to focus on being positive and moving on from the catastrophic anomalies that makes up the majority of my life. I see people all around me talking about the same topics in their miniscule lives that they spoke about years ago. I say let it go. Whatever may make someone angry can lead to tendencies to hold grudges or act violently. I guess it is easier for me to let things go because I usually forget what makes me upset to begin with. I speak for myself though. Resilience comes to me naturally. Living my life the way I do makes me think of a kind of correlation. The less I can remember, the easier it is to not sweat the small stuff and keep my eyes on the prize. By that standpoint, I guess it is safe to say memory plays a huge factor in the overall wellbeing of anyone. However, I acknowledge the fact that that correlation only applies to so many things. Having no memory at all would be terrible as well.

It’s wise to establish a happy medium within yourself. Another comparative statement comes to mind. The good is never easy, and the easy is never good. It’s great to be able to discard bad thoughts but it wasn’t easy to train my brain to acquire that ability. The same way it’s effortless to do something that you regret or to let your guard down by not being cautious, but it’s difficult to deal with the repercussions of unfortunate events. The other day, my brother tells me to pack the following night because he wants me to sleep over his house later on in the week. Sometimes words do go in one ear and out the other. I completely forget writing that down or packing ahead of time and then I end up saying, “Oh yeah! Sorry, I’m busy and I got a lot on my plate. I will get to it right away.” So I have my brother waiting for me outside my apartment in his car for the millionth time so that I could ransack everything I need for an overnight stay in under five minutes. It’s funny how often that happens. Understanding the difference between memories worth recalling and memories best left forgotten is one of the problems that I still work on to this day.

In retrospect, the concept of memory is very intriguing to me because I understand it in a personal level. Separating short-term and long-term memories as well as bad memories from the benign is a challenge to everybody, not just me. Antidepressants made my internal struggle with maintaining memory a bit easier to deal with. However, it also puts me in an unusual state of mind. I love who I have become regardless of how much I focus on training my brain. It’s rigorous and exhausting to attempt time and time again to remember things that would help me just as it is to push away the negativity and move forward in my life. I take it one day at a time. Hopefully one day, I will gain the mental discipline I need to repair my memory. I believe the key to life is to always work on improving yourself physically, mentally, spiritually, and psychologically.