sMiley Returns!

I love how Miley’s new single makes me feel so happy! As an empath, I believe I can feel the emotion that an artist tries so hard to convey in their works of art. She had a rough several years in which she felt she had to prove she wasn’t just this country girl, but then I think she realized that there was no shame in where she came from or even experimenting with a different palette of music, for that matter. If you notice her hair in “Malibu,” you can see where the blonde ends and her natural hair begins again. I saw symbolism in that. It makes me happy to see others happy. 😇🎈😍❤

Hiatus

Hello to my exquisite fallen angels! I’m sorry I haven’t pleasured you with my literary bounty as of late. I currently have Pharyngitis. On top of that, I had an allergic reaction to two bee stings a week ago. That all affected my job and college performances. Fortunately, the bee stings are history and the sore throat is gone. (Yet my voice is still recovering, and I really miss singing…) I must admit, for the first time in my life, I finally feel content and important. Full time student, stable job, paying my bills, strengthening friendships, getting closer to family members, and finally not stressing over a guy. Thank God! I love my life! I have writer’s block now though. My writing abilities tend to stem from the horrors of my past but things have been going well recently. I guess that’s one drawback from my happiness. I love you all! The One-Eyed Angel is nothing without my fallen angels! Have a wonderful day! Over and out.

What is Happiness?

Is happiness the blissful ignorance we feel as a child,
Nestled on the breast that can make or break you,
Completely oblivious to the pain one could inflict upon another,
Unknowing of all those horrible things –
Dark…
Awful…
Traumatic…
– The freedom to playfully run around aimlessly?
Is happiness anything but ordinary?
Is happiness only a child’s emotion?

Perhaps happiness is the light at the end of the tunnel.
Maybe it’s felt after all the realizations and epiphanies,
After all the sorrow in response to external pain
As you escape the arms of your childhood –
The soft pillow repelling the monster under the bed…
The cotton candy rush before the stomach ache…
The ice cream-filled dreams…
– All torn asunder.
Raging thunder,
Body stretched beyond its limits;
Mind palliated on the walls you guard yourself with the older you get.
Is happiness the effect following the cause of the drastic mistakes you made,
The lessons you learned?
Is happiness coming to terms with accepting the loss,
The trauma and its memories set on repeat,
The weaknesses exposed?
Is happiness a weight lifted off your shoulders,
Forgiving your aggressor,
Grateful for a fate never replicating Atlas’s eternal curse?
Is it the first breath after darkness subsides,
And all that remains is contention?
Is happiness… love found in a hopeless place?
Is happiness anything but ordinary?
Is it only an adult emotion?

What is happiness?
Fleeting spurts of joy
Greater than the sum of its parts –
Constant…
Spontaneous…
Sporadic…?
The sensation you feel when something finally goes your way?
Is it a sense of independence,
Knowing you no longer need to rely on anyone else for your own survival?
When all that we strive for are superficial
For they are the only certain things?
Is happiness anything but ordinary?
Is it only an authentic emotion?

Is it only obtainable in ultimate reality?
Is it only felt after you pass this test of life with flying colors?
Is happiness being gentle and kind against all odds
In a world that wasn’t designed to harbor any permanent solutions?
Does being dead on the inside count for anything at all?
Is happiness only a cadaver’s emotion?

Can anyone obtain happiness?
Is it up for grabs?
First come first serve basis
Or are only the lucky ones destined to be happy?
Can some be impervious to happiness?
Is it an oasis discovered after wandering through the desert all alone,
Dehydrated to near death?
Is loneliness the opposite of happiness
Or is it one and the same?
What is happiness?
Is it anything but ordinary?
Can I be happy?

No One Told Me

No one told me
We’re all diamonds
Taking shape
Everyday

No one told me
My reach extends far
Everything I want
Is just a dream away

No one told me
We sporadically permeate
Playing freely
Like stars in the night

No one told me
We all enthrall such precious magic
Brewing beauty in its depths
And that it can stay

No one told me
Under all this pressure
Under all this weight
Paradise isn’t just surreal

No one told me
We are all legends
We all need each other
Loneliness isn’t real

No one told me
I don’t have to die by sunlight
Only I own me
And that’s okay, my friend

No one told me
We only live once
In this grand adventure
You make me feel alive again

Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

Talk About Your Joy

Hello to my lawfully fallen angels! One of the three spiritual laws is The Law of Attraction, if you are positive, then you will attract positivity, and if you are negative, then you will attract negativity. Hence, you must be positive to live a fulfilling life. I felt that this particular post was the epitome of this Law. So, enjoy!

Monday, Tuesday, busy days! Wednesday, Thursday, busy days!

As Day 15 of Blogging101, I have declared every Wednesday from now on to be Check-In Wednesday. It’s a regular weekly feature on my blog. Enjoy!

Hello to my time-consumed fallen angels! It’s been a little while since my last post. Sorry about that. I know some of my fellow bloggers have become my regulars and I am truly grateful for their ongoing interest within my aegis loft. Anyway, my third semester at my college started last week so I have been busy a lot more lately. Full-time student, part-time worker looking for a better job. Love life is still a mess. However, I have a date next week with this guy I liked since I met him in the beginning of last semester. He recently got a boyfriend but I won a date with him fair and square. You see, because of my charming self, I challenged him to a Pokemon battle. We’re both into Pokemon and I thought that if I stayed within common interests, I’ll be able to get his attention. I beat him without cheating or anything. Despite him losing, he looked so happy. He has doubts about his boyfriend and he admitted he likes me too. So my love life may be getting better after all. Overall, I’m finally moving forward. I’m working on myself. School. Work. Dates. Church. Gym. Friends. Life. I love being busy. I love this human experience I am embarking on. I’m not afraid of death. I wouldn’t mind dying. But now I can wait for my last breath. I’m learning not to be afraid of living anymore. So get out there in the world and make something of yourself! We all have something to offer! Have a wonderful day! Over and out.

Feel free to like and comment on this post and I will do the same for you. Also, please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B012BSPFCQ/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1452971409&sr=1-1&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=The+Pandemonium+Chronicles

To Each His Own

To each his own. At one point in American History, black people were considered 3/5 of a person, women were nothing without a man, and gay marriage wasn’t legal until recently. So what stops anything from becoming the norm? Nudists or polyanimous marriages or even a utopian society can become the norm someday. Whether we’re alive to witness it happen or not is completely irrelevant. I’m miserable, but who honestly gives a fuck?

Hello to my unique fallen angels! I am so miserable. For a long time, I thought my misery stemmed from my ex or my past family drama. However, I forgave all of them a while ago. I’m indifferent towards them. I don’t even care enough to hate them or hold grudges against them. I get it. I don’t really have any family left. My ex moved on from me. It’s fine, really. This misery I feel is something totally different. You see, I’m a very simple man. As long as I have a roof over my head, food, clothes, and an ambience of safety, I’m good. I don’t care about name brands or what people think about me. Everyone is dealing with their own internal struggles. I go to college, work, the gym, and church but I don’t feel like anything I do amounts to anything truly important. I don’t feel inadequate though. My IQ is in the 140s so that’s not bad at all. I’m starting to think maybe life is too easy. That the “luxurious things in life” are just extra. As long as I can pay my bills and have some money left over to try to cheer myself up, I’m okay. I’m so bored with my life. I have been putting myself out there more and maintaining friendships yet it’s only a fleeting happiness that merely comes and goes without my consent. I am so miserable that I’m becoming physically sick.

I tend to compare myself to Ernest Hemingway a lot. A very intelligent man who was so intelligent that he couldn’t find the means to feel understood and couldn’t connect with other people. He ending up dying by his own volition just like so many other brilliant minds. They say humans are social creatures. Human nature doesn’t exist. There are two sides of me constantly upset with one another. One is like “what’s the point of interacting with other people outside the realm of vested interest?” While the other half is like “people bring out the best in me so why don’t I surround myself with them as much as possible?” I tend to see it so black and white.

I actually got offered to do drag again for this Thursday coming up but I’m not as excited as when I started doing drag. Perhaps the feeling will come back when the moment comes and goes.

I don’t know. I don’t understand how I can make people care about me. I don’t get how anyone can have time for anyone else. We’re always working or busy doing something or sleeping so how does one form a meaningful connection with another person? Do I even care? I must if I’m asking. Life is dull and lonely. It may just be my personal experiences but I notice that no matter if someone has a lot of money or not, or if someone has a lot of friends or not, or even if someone is famous or not, everyone is suffering one way or another. There’s no need for jealousy. Maybe this human life is a mere preliminary of something far more greater. Heaven and Hell? Something else? I don’t know… who the hell does?

I live my life utilizing superlatives and generalizations to indulge in my self-loathing. I find myself being void of all emotion – the good and the bad. I don’t care enough to hate anyone and love is too hard to come by. I do honestly believe that I felt happiest when I was with my ex-fiance. I hope he’s okay. I hope my mom’s okay. Despite everything, I’m indifferent. It’s hard to explain the feeling I’m trying to convey right now in this post.

No two people can ever have the same human experience. Our five senses of exceptionally unique. I believe that is why everyone has a different favorite food or color or kind of music (etc.). Each person garners a completely unique human experience. So what does it matter if I try to express my feelings for anything? We only blog to vent or to promote while only interacting with other blogs to better our own blogs. Hedonism and selfishness at its finest. No one likes to admit that they primarily do things for their own vested interest.

Loneliness is a state of mind, not of matter. No matter how many other people I try to be around or parties I attend, it’s all the same. This chronic loneliness is becoming a medical condition. I don’t care. Sometimes I think to myself that if I was diagnosed with cancer today, I would be relieved. I don’t fear death. I have tried to kill myself over a dozen times in my life but obviously I’m not good at it. So I gave up on giving up. I’ll just go through the motions, the ebb and flow of life. Whatever happens happens. I don’t care.

Perhaps God doesn’t exist after all. What a horrible thing to say considering that I got baptized just a few months ago. I know things can always get worse regardless.

I don’t get why so many people judge each other on their sexual orientation or religion or race. Who gives a fuck?

Who says I have to be diagnosed with major depression? A doctor that never been through it themselves? What if I’m the messiah or if I’ll be the first person to answer life’s questions? Or what if I’m just another person living in this world until Death comes to take me somewhere better and new?

Whatever anything ever is, simply is. So thanks for lasting this long and have a wonderful day! Over and out.

Salvation VI

Salvation:
I II III IV V

I really admire the people who are closer towards pursuing their own salvation than I am.
There’s no need to be envious or to posthaste.
It’s harder to chant the truth that I’m ahead of some like some are of me.
The pursuit of happiness isn’t a race.
It’s a herd of lamb led by a shepherd.
Our wool upon our backs vary in weight.
Our hooves are different in girth and shape.
However it’s our goals that allow us to persevere through our shortcomings.
We’re all born in glass houses and opposable thumbs make it effortless to throw stones.
Look at how imperfect we are!
Blurred silhouettes of lamb-men hybrids consumed by the desire to be normal.

Seductress, Mistress of Darkness

Hello to my sexy fallen angels! I told you all a while ago that I was doing drag. Well the drag show came and went on November 18th of 2015. The drag show was called ComiQueens. The first portion was an anime/video game tournament while the second and last part was for the Queens. I played my role as Seductress, Mistress of Darkness!

My college is still currently editing the full video of ComiQueens but somehow, I was able to get 45 seconds of my performance from someone’s phone. Someday I will post the whole video as soon as I get my hands on it.

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Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

Spring Smiles

We share a smile.
Not flirtatious;
Not grim;
But a genuine smile.
He strums happy tunes on his grand guitar.
I don’t have much money but I still manage to drop some shiny silver coins into his fedora placed neatly on the ground.
I nod a silent hello while never deviating from my course of routine.
Nice Spring days are perfect for his business.
However, sometimes someone gives him a hard time.
I calm the situation to have them go their separate ways.
He thanks me with a nod.
But I am so glad he is okay that I give him a warm hug instead.
He’s caught off-guard at first until he smiles as he hugs me back.
I barely sleep these days.
The rain is pouring heavily outside.
I don’t have to leave the house today yet I grab my umbrella and head out the door.
I am going to finally introduce myself to my best friend.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂