The Hookup Daze

On my house phone I called him

he picked up immediately and said hello

and I went with the flow

I came over the same day

to a variety of pornos neatly organized on his table

next to a punch bowl full of condoms

and lube packets

and the TV was playing one of the pornos at a very low volume in the background

and I did what I came there to do.

On my flip phone I texted him hello

he replied within the hour

and I came over to his array of pornos thrown haphazardly on his table

a handful of condoms and a few lube packets

and the porno on the TV was a bit louder this time

as if he didn’t care what the neighbors thought of him anymore

and we did what I came there to do.

On my iPhone I texted him hey

and he didn’t respond until later that evening

and I came over and there was only one porno on the table

a couple of condoms

and no more Lube

and the TV was blaring with the porno without a care in the world

and I did what I went there to do.

On my iPhone 5 I texted him hi

and he didn’t respond until the following Monday

and he told me he moved a few towns over

and I almost got lost on my way there

I came over

there was no pornos on the table

no more condoms nor lube

and the TV wasn’t on

it was in the middle of the night

and I try to leave but he begged me to stay

and so I did until 5 in the morning

I missed my shift at work and I got fired.

On my iPhone 6 I sent him a nude photo of me

but he didn’t respond for a whole week

and when he did he told me he had a boyfriend

and for me to back off

I looked at the indent on my right ring finger where my wedding ring used to be

And drove to my new job.

Artificial Love

This nightclub seems so ominous,
But the way to you is crystal clear,
Why can’t fate confine the incubus?
Let’s escape the crowd with our souls to bare,

If you want,
We can type our lives away,
Or I can confess my intentions,
We can go to my place,

We can have the real thing,
Or just make artificial love,
We can have the real thing,
Or just make artificial love,
Time doesn’t mend broken hearts,
So let’s fill our empty voids tonight,
We can have the real thing,
Or just make artificial love

You’re killing me under these sheets,
I don’t have the balls to do it myself,
Using me until your ammo depletes,
Cus you grew bored of shooting yourself,

If you want,
We can cuddle after,
Let’s make believe you really care,
Before I leave with my ruffled up hair

We can have the real thing,
Or just make artificial love,
We can have the real thing,
Or just make artificial love,
Time doesn’t mend broken hearts,
So let’s fill our empty voids tonight,
We can have the real thing,
Or just make artificial love

In fear of another heartbreak,
I feign not having a heart at all,
Shattered glass pieced back together only forms a web of lies,
I know this isn’t love,
Red flags ebb like genocide,
For we rebuke the patience to have the real thing

So let’s just make artificial love

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Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

Misinterpreted Perception

Good afternoon to my infatuated fallen angels! It’s been a whole year since the ultimate conclusion of my ex-fiance’s tyranny. I haven’t really been dating anyone since. I had went on a couple dates with this one guy. I look back and I realize I probably shouldn’t have gone on a second date with him. He was a bitch. He was a 25 year old drag queen living with his mommy wasting his state benefits on drag accessories. He was a little boy playing dress-up. Anyway, besides that, loneliness now consumes my repertoire. I think I’m always going to love my ex-fiance, but I just have to learn how to live without him. Lately, though, I have been talking to this new guy. He seems to have his shit together. I’m just afraid he just perceives me as this gothic pervert. I wrote my previous post about him. We barely know each other yet I was stupid enough to show him it. He told me he liked how sexual and kinky and well-written Nocturnal Submission was. But then I started to wonder how he views me as a person. I’m not gonna lie, I had A LOT of sex in my 21 years of life. I used those apps like Grindr and Growlr earnestly through the years. But I’m sick of the sex scene. I’m ready to be in love again. I miss dressing up for a man, the lingering glances, the conscious awareness of when his elbow accidentally brushes up against me as we walk down the beaten path. Getting to know someone other than myself, for once. Wondering if he likes me as much as I like him. I think people tend to perceive me differently than the real me. Yeah, I’m goth, flirtatious, and facetious but I’m also loving, compassionate, and caring. I hate being vulnerable and serious around others. My defense mechanism involves humor and apathy. Yet I’m starting to learn that sometimes in life, there are instances where it’s better to be vulnerable in someone’s company. I feel like I can survive in the wilderness if I was stranded on an island or still end up on the Dean’s List if I went to college drunk everyday, but when it comes to social situations and establishing relationships, it’s the hardest thing I can ever do. I really like this new guy though. I want him to know my true intentions. I’m not looking for just sex. If I was, I would just download those apps again. It would be so easy to have a random man fuck me at my place then kick him to the curb afterwards. But it’s harder to create a real connection with someone. I don’t want to just exchange texts with him. I wanna hang out with him and get to know him. I wanna know his mannerisms, his habits, if he reads while silently lipsyncing or if he reads strictly in his head. I want a friend. A confidant. I wanna have their back while they have mine. An ally in this psychological war called life. He would never have to worry about me cheating or lying. This loneliness is killing me slowly but surely. I know I don’t need anyone but I want someone more than anything. I’m not desperate. I’m just overwhelmed but excited to admit that I’m finally ready to love again. I guess I’ll take it one day at a time. Maybe this new guy really did like my poem. Maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe he’s just really busy today. Perhaps this love interest is reciprocated after all. Wish me luck in the days to come. Have a wonderful day! Over and out.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂