Xrotica: Another Bear Enters the Cave

So while Dee had been absent since the events that occurred in Xrotica 3, I haven’t just been sitting idly by, waiting for him to call. There’s other men I fuck with. And now that it’s Summer vacation, I have plenty of time to spend with my fuckboys in between periods of looking for a Summer job.

Another fuck buddy I have (let’s call him: “Pro”) got in touch with me a couple nights ago on Growlr. He complimented my profile picture and I did the same. Pro asked if I recognized him. I told him yes. He was actually a teacher I had a while back in high school. A teacher that I actually had quite the crush on for the longest. And I told him just that. I asked if I was too forward but he assured me it was okay. Pro wanted me to initiate whatever would happen next. We were just talking, beating around the bush. I can tell that he didn’t want me to feel uncomfortable or perhaps afraid that a man twice my age, who was once in a higher hierarchy than I was, would want to get intimate with me.

I never had sex with a teacher before, but I always fantasized about it. I watched the teacher and student pornos sometimes to envision this beautiful older man bending me down on his desk to teach me a private lesson I had to stay after school for. Just the thought of it made me precum as Pro and I continued our chat.

He said he was bored and that we can hang out anytime. I told him he can could come right then and there. Why wait? We’re both free. I could host and he could drive so it worked out. So Pro gave me his number and told me to call him in that instant. We talked some more. There was still barely any sexual innuendo uttered between us.

Eventually, he arrived downstairs with a bottle of Hennessey, Red Bull, some Cool Ranch Doritos, and a deck of playing cards. I led him into my bedchambers, but I made sure to hide any condoms, lube, and porn that was laying around my apartment so that it wouldn’t be too obvious. All Pro said was that we were going to drink together, but I had this twinge in my groin that suggested I was going to get lucky tonight.

I told Pro to get comfortable. He placed his belongings down on my living room table. Half the bottle of Hennessey was already consumed. A drunk driver… how reckless. Recklessness is an aphrodisiac, at least it is to me. He told me to finish the rest. I mixed the remaining contents of liquor with the Red Bull before my head was swimming. He hadn’t undressed yet so I didn’t either. Pro asked if I wanted to play strip poker and I said sure. First, he lost and I requested for his shoes to come off. Then, I lost and he wanted me to take off my jacket. And as we were playing, I felt butterflies and goosebumps caress in and on my body respectively. I was going to have sex with my teacher! It seemed surreal, like a dream morphed from nonexistence into my own realm of reality.

Pro had this sexy smile the whole time. The same way he stared at me so long ago. He would be in the middle of one of his interesting lectures, and then he would suddenly flash that exact smile at me while his crow’s feet near his dark eyes highlighted his delight in my presence. Like Dee, he was also a much older hispanic bear that took plenty of interest in my young rican cub body.

At some point, I was completely naked. His eyes soaked in my nudity so his future self could reminisce on this event during solo missions on lonely nights. That’s when he won the game.

We both stood up in unison. Pro knew I wanted him to even the playing field. I glanced at my own body and then at his. I relished in the sight of the mature male figure I had once only imagined would look like in the classroom. The carpet matched the drapes. White hairs swirled with dark brown. A mixture of light and darkness growing all over him. I wrapped my arms around him and allowed our tongues to embrace. I lost myself in our ravenous kiss. I wondered if he was thinking similar thoughts of me all this time as long as I have, or if this idea just occurred to him that night. It was so warm. I felt his face with my sweaty palms and began to kiss his neck before he silently ushered me to my bed. Pro laid down on his back first. I climbed on top of him, but he patted the area of my sheets beside him. So I laid there next to him and sucked his nipples. His nipples were huge, even slightly bigger than mine. I nibbled them like a kitten getting nursed by its mother.

Confessions of his dirty mind came in hushed whispers directly into my right ear. He admitted that he wanted this since he saw me in a play where I was dressed as a woman. One of my questions were put to rest. Pro wanted to fuck me that night in the parking lot outside the school while I was still in costume. He knew I wanted him back then like I was having him at that moment. There were times he wanted me to follow him into his office after class so I could deep throat him in the privacy of his workplace. Sometimes, Pro even fantastized about me and another student tasting his front and back at the same time. All these hidden truths came to life in my mind as I continued to abuse his nipples up until he grabbed my head and pushed it onto his dick. His pubic aroma eradicated my sinuses. I indulged in his bulge until the magic inflating it reached full potential. He ordered me to ride his dick with my fat ass. I asked if that was my latest assignment. He vigorously nodded while he made me his bitch. That was my nickname. Bitch. As I rode him, I choked him and he held my thighs roughly. Soon enough, his hips started to cramp. His agility and stamina made me forget how old he really was. I got off him and I gently massaged where his pain was. Pro moaned at the soft feel of my touch. Then, I rested my hand on his face and asked if he was okay. He confirmed.

That was when I went on my hands and knees. Pro grabbed the lube and a condom. He smeared my ass with it. I wished my bear licked my honeypot before refilling it with honey, but it must have slipped his intelligent mind in the eagerness to penetrate me. I gasped in excitement at the exact second it slipped in. I yelled aloud my wonderment as to whether or not I was being a good boy. He patted me on my back with praise. Aye, papi! Daddy! Fuck me! fuck me! FUCK ME! It took a long time but Pro didn’t even cum. He became lethargic so we laid back down and jerked off together. He urged me to give him my “leche” because my milk belonged to him. But it was Pro’s volcano that erupted all over me first. It was so warm, glistening under the light of the TV. My TV tried so hard to drown out the sounds that Yogi Bear and Boo Boo made in the middle of the night. This made me so fucking horny! But it still took Pro to finger my fat ass for a few minutes until I finally was able to serve him the milk he so desperately craved.

Artificial love continued to feign such realness when we piled into my shower to wash up. I rubbed his cock with soap and water to scrub it nice and clean. I told him he was adorable, so fucking cute, that I wanted him to be my teddy bear to hold for the night. Unfortunately, Pro couldn’t stay the night. But he did linger a bit longer. Pro and I talked shit about the other teachers and that he actually fucked another teacher I had that same year.

At one point, we had a little heart-to-heart. It was wonderful! We spoke of past relationships and we shared things in confidence. Then that smile came back and he suggested we take part in a threesome. On his phone, he revealed his other fuck buddies’ pictures and videos as a means to shop for a third addition to our sin. One of his black friends had a big fucking cock! Pro mentioned he wanted to watch me get fucked by this friend of his. However, I suggested that Dee should be that third addition. He said he’ll let me know and for me to send him a picture of Dee once he left.

So, Pro made sure that he had all his stuff. But he let me keep the bag of Doritos and the deck of playing cards. Pro said I should practice with the cards for next time I hosted for him. How sweet!

Finally, we both hovered around my front door. I wore my undies and my jacket with my hairy chest showing while Pro was now fully clothed once more. He gave me a kiss goodbye. Yet I pretended for a brief second to trap him in my apartment. It was cute. Pro made this face until I unlocked my door. He turned around on his way out to further soak in my image to embed it for future use. I gave him a very flirtatious look before I playfully closed the door in his face.

Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

Second Best

Hello to my courageous fallen angels! Lately I’ve been talking to a new romantic interest for the first time in two years (apart from my married friend with benefits and that guy from PRIDE club who led me on the whole time just to tell me he already had a boyfriend), but this time, it finally seems to be mutual.

If you have been following me for a while, you’ll know that I was once engaged to my ex-fiance. I proposed to a man twice my age because I really loved him, but our relationship was shaky from the start. He was living with an ex of his when we first met. He was condescending and controlling. He was so handsome and charming.  Only God knows what The Narcissist did behind my back. It terrified me how much I cared for him. I gave up my beliefs, my morals, and my dreams when I fell in love with him. I always told myself that if things didn’t work out with him, I would forever be condemned to settle for second best. Perhaps I jinxed myself when I placed him on a metaphorical pedestal. After all this time, thoughts of him still plague my mind at night, and tearing at my insides like a savage hunger. I look back and I realize that there were so many red flags that I refused to see. I had to let him go. He had total power over me, but enough was enough. The hardest thing I ever did was walk away from a man that I’m still, to this day, madly in love with.

Now with this new guy, I feel awful for even thinking that he’ll never compare to my ex-fiance. That I’ll never love him or anyone else, for that matter, ever again. But I need to give him a chance. He doesn’t have to compare to my ex, but he can be a different, more healthy romance.

I have been on my own for so long though. I have forgotten what love and desire even feels like in this chronic loneliness. I feel so dead inside. Like I’m just half-alive, going through the subtle waves of life until my inevitable and anticipated demise.

I was disowned by my family on my 18th birthday. But even before that, I had a feeling my mother stopped caring about me once I came out at 14 because she was a devout muslim and homosexuality was the devil to her. She probably planned my abandonment for the following four years. I was homeless, then I lived in a halfway house, and now I have my own apartment. For the first time, I’m paying bills, attending college as a full-time student, and looking for a new job. So technically, I don’t really need anyone. It’s just that there are so many lonely nights and all the one night stands I lost count of from those gay hookups apps are never enough. Artificial love isn’t as good as the real thing.

At this point, being in a relationship will result in me being either too clingy or too guarded. Honestly, I’d rather be too guarded if those were my only two options. I would like to at least keep my pride intact if nothing else.

It takes courage to open yourself up to someone after a heartbreak that you can very well never fully get over. But I can’t live like this anymore. If I find out he’s not as good a person as I’d like him to be, then I don’t have to put up with any shit from him or anyone else. I see more clearly now. Blindness and love are no longer synonymous terms. I love myself more than anyone else ever will. I am the only constant variable in my life. Everyone else tends to fade away after a while. I can’t get attached again… I just can’t….

What is a healthy relationship? I don’t know but maybe I’ll find out someday. If it’s not him, it’s someone else, right? See? I’m such a pessimist. I’m already planning on what to do if things go wrong with this new guy.

Well, wish me luck, my fallen angels! Have a wonderful day! Over and out.

Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

Mania II

Mania I

Take me back! I’ll literally crawl to you! I need you! I’m half-alive without you! After all this time, I still love you! I don’t want anyone else! Any other man I would end up with will always be second best to you! It felt like kisses when you abused me! Hit me! Yell at me! Take all your frustrations and pent-up rage out on me! Please! I beg of you! Love me again! Want me the way you did when you first saw me! Make me your bitch! Anything… just be here with me tonight! I don’t have a support system. I don’t have close family or friends. I’ve been unloved for so long. Neglected and abused. My life is hell! Sometimes I think God hates me. Did I do something nefarious and unforgivable in a past life? Am I the reincarnation of Job? What’s wrong with me? My love, only you can cure me of this madness with your own brand of madness that only you can bestow upon me! My heart, my soul, my body, my mind, my belongings are all yours! I’m on my knees for your bittersweet fellatio, my holy communion. My religion is you, my handsome devil. My love…

Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

Once Innocence Lost

I was so frail until I fell into your mind,
But fate never pulled me out from its bind.
A think tank I drown in for so damn long.
Your dominion that reigns over me is so strong.

Beat me.
Spit on me.
Tell me I’m scum.

Rape me.
Scream at me.
Until you cum.

You convince me I’m nothing whether you’re here or not.
You might as well raze me here now, my sexy stoic robot.

I was an innocent little boy until I fell for you hard.
I sold my soul when I put down my guard.
Your arms I wore like a wedding dress.
Ivory silk drips underneath to caress.

Grab me.
Don’t kiss me.
Make me your bitch.

Sedate me.
Don’t date me.
Until your dick twitch.

You sold me spare parts of a heart non-existent.
Yet I’ll forever remain perplexingly persistent.

I was so ambitious until I fell on your facade.
Down on my knees as if you were God.
My religion is you because I’m a little monster.
Not once did doubt show you were an imposter.

Choke me.
Condemn me.
Drag me to hell.

Fuck me.
Lie to me.
My body’s for sale.

You made me believe faith is a waste of time.
Even life itself gives me something to deny.

Seductress, Mistress of Darkness

Hello to my sexy fallen angels! I told you all a while ago that I was doing drag. Well the drag show came and went on November 18th of 2015. The drag show was called ComiQueens. The first portion was an anime/video game tournament while the second and last part was for the Queens. I played my role as Seductress, Mistress of Darkness!

My college is still currently editing the full video of ComiQueens but somehow, I was able to get 45 seconds of my performance from someone’s phone. Someday I will post the whole video as soon as I get my hands on it.

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Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading ­čÖé

Vulnerable Moments

Hello to my guarded fallen angels! Today was Christmas Day so instead of indulging in my self-pity, like I usually do, I decided to get out the house to hang out with some other young adults in DMHAS. The other clients are fake af. I don’t trust them at all. So the day started off with lunch at Home Town Buffet. I’m friendly with the girls like most gay men are but they were very odd today. It was the usual me-pretending-to-hit-on-them-to-make-the-guys-jealous bit. Dumbing-myself-down-to-associate-with-my-age-group bit. There was this one girl who was pregnant with her Nth child saying she was gonna plot to destroy one of her baby daddies. Yeah… what good is gonna come out of that, am I right? Geez… Then this other girl kept saying things in explicit detail about giving birth while I was eating. I didn’t like that. Also, the guys were observing me for some reason. I felt like the main attraction, “The Lone Homo Exhibit” and shit… I’m the only gay man in the whole program so the other guys usually avoid me or laugh at my dark, humorous jokes. The girls started talking about sex which is a topic I can definitely relate to. I indirectly mentioned that I do one-night-stands with guys I don’t know, which is true. They made these weird faces, even the guys, when I joked about it. So we can talk about nasty straight sex but the second I mention gay sex, it’s weird. And I know for a fact those bitches are hoes too. Today was very weird. Then at one point, I say it’s better off being single and alone but this one guy who knows me a tiny bit better than everyone else, replies that I actually hate being alone. I really didn’t like that for some reason. They kept watching me eat and commenting on every gesture or small movement I did. I usually complain about feeling invisible but maybe invisibility is a blessing and not a curse. I act so arrogant and bitchy around my peers and I was so in that zone that I forgot my “purse” (it’s really just one of those bags with a drawstring) when we left to go to the movie theatre. I was in the middle of watching the latest Star Wars movie when I suddenly realized my “purse” wasn’t on me. I went into the lobby to call one of the staff members to ask if they knew where my “purse” was. They assured me that they found it and put it in their state vehicle for me to get after the movie. The thing is, we all dispersed to watch different movies so our movies ended at different times. The staff I spoke to on the phone before I finished watching The Force Awakens called me back 8 times in a two minute timespan while my phone was on silent. I returned her call but she said she couldn’t wait for me any longer so she left. WTF, right? So the other staff member I’m actually a lot closer to was still in the movie theatre and there were several issues that occurred around the same time. I eventually got my “purse” back but still… Weird days like this makes me very grateful that I have an uneventful, dramaless, lonely life after all. Have a wonderful day! Over and out.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading ­čÖé

Truth Serum

When I was 6,

I wished I was a newborn,

When all I worried about was eating, sleeping,

And excreting waste,

 

When I was 10,

I wished I was 6,

When all I was afraid of was going to grade school for the first time

And missing my mom until I returned home,

 

When I was 14,

I wished I was 10,

When all I thought about were the terrifying times I spent alone with my stepdad

And missing my mom until she returned home,

 

When I was 18,

I wished I was 14,

When all I reminisced about was how I secretly enjoyed being abused like a masochist

And missing the only sexual escapade I had throughout my school years,

 

When I was 21,

I wished I was 18,

When I was forced to be exiled┬ábecause my mom thought my dad’s replacement made me gay

And hoping there was more to life than this,

 

When I am 30,

I will wish I was 21,

When all I can recall will be how my ex-fiance severely broke my heart

And how he wonderfully psychologically tormented me,

 

When I am 39,

I will wish I was 30,

When I’ll realize that I am the same age as when my first love left in peace

And left me in pieces,

 

When I am 50,

I will wish I was 39,

When I can remember fondly how agile and resilient I once was

And wondering how I didn’t kill myself a lot sooner

 

When I am 69,

I will not look back anymore,

For dementia will┬áconsume my mind’s occupancy leaving behind┬áthe fact that my age will be one of my favorite sexual positions

And in total relief that I will die any day now

 

 

 

 

*Make sure to take advantage of the eBook sale going on now! From now* until December 26th at 8:00PM, you can buy The Pandemonium Chronicles for only $0.99! (usually $2.99)

http://www.amazon.com/Pandemonium-Chronicles-Merge-between-Heaven-ebook/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=sr_1_1_twi_kin_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1450883498&sr=8-1&keywords=The+Pandemonium+Chronicles

This sale is to celebrate the release of my new book, Trials and Tribulations!

http://www.amazon.com/Trials-Tribulations-Sufian-ebook/dp/B018ZR0IVA/ref=sr_1_43?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1450883658&sr=1-43&keywords=Trials+and+Tribulations

Kill Me With Kindness

Force me down,
Forge coal into sparkling diamonds,
For only the dead sees the end of a war,

Loaded weapons weigh me down,
Perhaps some wars are fought at home,
It would be an honor to surrender to you,

Longing my drafted patriarch brings me down,
MIA with your impossible mission,
While I endure another hero’s sweetest submission,

Your small soldier no longer bends me down,
I’m reborn at every moment,
Who knows who I’ll become hostage to next,

Your valiant service takes me down,
Shoot me international calls spontaneous,
And kill me with kindness

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading ­čÖé

Artificial Love

This nightclub seems so ominous,
But the way to you is crystal clear,
Why can’t fate confine the incubus?
Let’s escape the crowd with our souls to bare,

If you want,
We can type our lives away,
Or I can confess my intentions,
We can go to my place,

We can have the real thing,
Or just make artificial love,
We can have the real thing,
Or just make artificial love,
Time doesn’t mend broken hearts,
So let’s fill our empty voids tonight,
We can have the real thing,
Or just make artificial love

You’re killing me under these sheets,
I don’t have the balls to do it myself,
Using me until your ammo depletes,
Cus you grew bored of shooting yourself,

If you want,
We can cuddle after,
Let’s make believe you really care,
Before I leave with my ruffled up hair

We can have the real thing,
Or just make artificial love,
We can have the real thing,
Or just make artificial love,
Time doesn’t mend broken hearts,
So let’s fill our empty voids tonight,
We can have the real thing,
Or just make artificial love

In fear of another heartbreak,
I feign not having a heart at all,
Shattered glass pieced back together only forms a web of lies,
I know this isn’t love,
Red flags ebb like genocide,
For we rebuke the patience to have the real thing

So let’s just make artificial love

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Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading ­čÖé

Poking Fun

Idly standing by waiting for the bus

Lavishing autumn breeze imitating the dead

Only intangible images of an extinguished flame persists

Violet crowns tell me to let go or be dragged

 

Everybody is out to get me –

Yet another generalization

Over in the distance is a decaying vessel

Under the bushes someone abandoned herself

 

My intrigue grows exponentially

Observation leads to investigation

Reaching for a wooden stick

Early enough to notice her morning dew excite me

 

The one time I actually felt alive

Halt the despair before the Sun collects his due

Another addiction to my list

Never knew her but had saw her from time to time

 

Why did I decide to ignore her?

Heavy feelings swelled in her corset I stole

Anything to escape –

The status quo that kept me to myself

 

Scalp covered by the hair she bought prior to her best night

How could I have been so afraid?!

Under the canopy of a sudden truth

Men don’t know what beauty is anymore

 

A time to kill before the bus enforces mundane routine

Neighbors haven’t bothered to look up from their cell phones

Landlord just wanted her money to add on to the recession

Yard work needs to be done

 

 

People forget her as soon as she was done entertaining them

Obtained her fish nets to carry on her legacy

Simple attire bought from a sex shop

Suddenly the wind passed an oppressive ordinance

 

Identity crisis once prevented me from meeting her

Begone! They told me years ago in a comfortable classroom

Little did they know that I was one of a kind

Everyone loves an underdog