loneliness | Loneliness Isn't Real

I used to, but now I don’t

Posted on April 25, 2019 by The One-Eyed Angel

I used to touch you,
But now I don’t have to,
‘Cus now we hold machines,
I used to trust you,
But now I don’t need to,
Now we rely on machines,
I used to love you,
But now I don’t want to,
‘Cus we want machines

A Home Inside You

Posted on May 10, 2018 by The One-Eyed Angel

I thought love was in the drugs,

Never having too much,

Never having enough,

I thought love was in a drink,

Forget what I’ve lost,

Forget how to think,

I thought love was on the stage,

Giving myself to strangers,

Giving into the fear,

Then it tries to find a home inside you,

But I’m so alone,

Staring down at my phone

Safe Apparatus

Posted on March 25, 2018 by The One-Eyed Angel

I see the longing in your eyes,
As we dance to our demise,
My hand lightly grasps your thigh,
I’m so happy I could die,

I stare into your gaze,
Shooting stars blaze,
Your hand rests upon my shoulder,
My heart is getting bolder,

Your lips are slightly parted,
In awe of this euphoria that’s started,
I lean in to seal the deal
To confirm if this is real

My eyes flutter open as I’m horizontal,
Hope resurfaced so accidental,
I hold my pillow to my moist phallus,
Paired with my empty bed is a safe apparatus

Urgent Wanting

Posted on June 1, 2016 by The One-Eyed Angel

I am merely a social whore
Belonging to everyone and no one
Expecting so much more
Even after it’s all said and done

I love and destroy everything I know
Fear locks me in behind the door
I peer through sorrow’s hold out the keyhole
And into an Elysium I never felt before

Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

Through The Peephole

Posted on May 21, 2016 by The One-Eyed Angel

Her eye spies through the peephole
Strange and unusual men
Exiting his home after they reach their goal,
Never to be seen again.

She had once thought
He was a good young man,
The one who lives across the hall.

They had once been very close
Until she became a nuisance.
Now he evades her like a ghost.

Her eye spies through the peephole
The police banging on his door.
It seems that the law has taken its toll
What were they here for him for?

She had once thought
He was a good young man,
The one who lives across the hall.

They were once there for each other
Until she went too far.
Now he doesn’t even bother.

Her eye spies through the peephole
As he leaves behind his chamber
To live his life playing an innocent role,
Fooling others like he fooled her.

She had once thought
He was a good young man,
The one who lives across the hall.

They were once best friends
Until he moved on from her.
Now her ancient life descends.

So her eye spies through the peephole
Because it’s all she’ll ever see.
Her golden years are lonely and dull
While his life is wild and free.

Mania II

Posted on May 7, 2016 by The One-Eyed Angel

Mania I

Take me back! I’ll literally crawl to you! I need you! I’m half-alive without you! After all this time, I still love you! I don’t want anyone else! Any other man I would end up with will always be second best to you! It felt like kisses when you abused me! Hit me! Yell at me! Take all your frustrations and pent-up rage out on me! Please! I beg of you! Love me again! Want me the way you did when you first saw me! Make me your bitch! Anything… just be here with me tonight! I don’t have a support system. I don’t have close family or friends. I’ve been unloved for so long. Neglected and abused. My life is hell! Sometimes I think God hates me. Did I do something nefarious and unforgivable in a past life? Am I the reincarnation of Job? What’s wrong with me? My love, only you can cure me of this madness with your own brand of madness that only you can bestow upon me! My heart, my soul, my body, my mind, my belongings are all yours! I’m on my knees for your bittersweet fellatio, my holy communion. My religion is you, my handsome devil. My love…

War of Subjection

Posted on March 19, 2016 by The One-Eyed Angel

Denser than the body

Deeper than the poems

Disease is a chronic hobby

The mind ostracizes the prose

I have grown fond of the villains inside my head They beg me to give them credit for my dread Life is boring without someone to show me the ropes And your leap of absence fabricated the death of my hopes It is as if you died If we are all different Then not one of us can confide If we are all a godsend Then how come everyone does not feel alive We all perceive our own reality So what does it matter who we marry Or who to call Lord Or which sports team to root for All wars fight over differences of subjection We could use our opinions for something more productive Let us build off of each other so we can all be inventive Perhaps some of us have been doing so already But I am so addicted to generalizations Grouping similar attributes together to make believe That I am anything but a separate entity Completely condemned to loneliness entirely

All The Right Places

Posted on March 9, 2016 by The One-Eyed Angel

Hello to my oddly optimistic fallen angels! I realized that if I expect people to treat me bad and go into a situation thinking that way, then only negative things will happen. Today, I tried a more positive approach. I was more social, I never mentioned any mental health jargon, and I engaged in rather normal conversations. I met new people as well as strengthened my existing friendships. I took initiative to start attending free guitar lessons that go on in my college. I haven’t touched my personal guitar in months. I took initiative to play video games with some other college students at the student lounge. I took initiative in contacting my friends through text and phone calls to plan to hang out in person just for the hell of it. I think the reason why I have felt alone for so long is that I never took the initiative. I always expected people to reach out to me, but it’s not realistic to wait for someone to read my mind. As a child, I was told to do certain things like chores or to go to grade school because I had to. But when I became an adult myself, I realized no one is gonna tell me to do my laundry or wake up to go to my morning courses. We can do anything we want as long as we don’t break the law. I can easily quit college, quit my job, delete all my social outlets, and just live off the state. I have done that in the past. But philosophically, seclusion is not a happy life. Some people are fairly decent if you look in the right places. Trust me, it is futile to resist the human urge to be social. Don’t be afraid to go outside and meet people! If money is an issue, there are plenty of free programs out there. If transportation is an issue, there are cheap ways to travel. The city bus or walking or making friends with people who have cars. Lol. There is a solution to any problem if you try hard enough. I hope you understand just how important human interaction truly is too. If you already know, then I’m proud of you. For the other lonely people like me, take initiative! Well, my fallen angels, have a wonderful day! Over and out.

Feel free to like and comment on this post and I will do the same for you. Also, please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B012BSPFCQ/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1452971409&sr=1-1&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=The+Pandemonium+Chronicles

Chronic Ritual

Posted on February 23, 2016 by The One-Eyed Angel

Lying by the fire
Fueling my desire
Silently

Pouring tears on the ground
Behind a mask I found
Deniably

Kissing gusts of wind
In hopes it gets to him
Uselessly

Calling out his name
In the winter rain
So lonely

Holding me so tight
In the dead of night
Nobody

Dying by the hand
Of an older man
Happily

Make Your Pain My Own

Posted on February 6, 2016 by The One-Eyed Angel

I want to hold onto the distraught woman who gave birth to a miniature cadaver
While she tries to convince herself it was a figment of her imagination
For I know denial makes it easier to bare
So make your pain my own

I want to hold onto the stoic man who broke my heart then left to find something else to do
While he tries to overcome his insecurities without putting down his walls
For I know it’s impossible to have my cake and eat it too
So make your pain my own

I want to hold onto the vengeful woman who never turns the page of stories that has long since been burned
While she tries to live with the awful things she has done
For I know forgiveness is a hard thing to learn
So make your pain my own

I want to hold onto the naive man who believes it’s okay to force himself to belong with a hateful family
While he witnesses his hopes and dreams crumble to the floor
For I know it may not be lonely to stay and pretend they love me
So make your pain my own

I want to hold onto the guilty man who gave into lust and lost everything he once cared about
While he comes into terms with the consequences of his actions
For I know the past cannot be revised by doubt
So make your pain my own

I want to hold onto the past that’s submerged in my tears
While it hopelessly tries to learn how to breathe without air
For I know nothing lasts forever as happiness fades through the years
So make your pain my own