Speechless

There were so many people
some were fun
some were evil
everyone got in the way
till you came
by one day
the last time that I saw you
we did coke
in my car
I never thought we’d get far
stumblin’
out of the bar
You took the time to know me
you were sad
I was lonely
I had judged you so quickly
enabled
you slowly
I’m sorry I forgive you
just come back
I miss you
my life is so empty
meaningless
without you
tell me how low you can go
please show me
I must know
love hides behind words unsaid
is that why
you’re speechless?

A Home Inside You

I thought love was in the drugs,

Never having too much,

Never having enough,

I thought love was in a drink,

Forget what I’ve lost,

Forget how to think,

I thought love was on the stage,

Giving myself to strangers,

Giving into the fear,

Then it tries to find a home inside you,

But I’m so alone,

Staring down at my phone

Safe Apparatus

I see the longing in your eyes,
As we dance to our demise,
My hand lightly grasps your thigh,
I’m so happy I could die,

I stare into your gaze,
Shooting stars blaze,
Your hand rests upon my shoulder,
My heart is getting bolder,

Your lips are slightly parted,
In awe of this euphoria that’s started,
I lean in to seal the deal
To confirm if this is real

My eyes flutter open as I’m horizontal,
Hope resurfaced so accidental,
I hold my pillow to my moist phallus,
Paired with my empty bed is a safe apparatus

Urgent Wanting

I am merely a social whore
Belonging to everyone and no one
Expecting so much more
Even after it’s all said and done

I love and destroy everything I know
Fear locks me in behind the door
I peer through sorrow’s hold out the keyhole
And into an Elysium I never felt before

Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

Through The Peephole

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Her eye spies through the peephole
Strange and unusual men
Exiting his home after they reach their goal,
Never to be seen again.

She had once thought
He was a good young man,
The one who lives across the hall.

They had once been very close
Until she became a nuisance.
Now he evades her like a ghost.

Her eye spies through the peephole
The police banging on his door.
It seems that the law has taken its toll
What were they here for him for?

She had once thought
He was a good young man,
The one who lives across the hall.

They were once there for each other
Until she went too far.
Now he doesn’t even bother.

Her eye spies through the peephole
As he leaves behind his chamber
To live his life playing an innocent role,
Fooling others like he fooled her.

She had once thought
He was a good young man,
The one who lives across the hall.

They were once best friends
Until he moved on from her.
Now her ancient life descends.

So her eye spies through the peephole
Because it’s all she’ll ever see.
Her golden years are lonely and dull
While his life is wild and free.

Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

Mania II

Mania I

Take me back! I’ll literally crawl to you! I need you! I’m half-alive without you! After all this time, I still love you! I don’t want anyone else! Any other man I would end up with will always be second best to you! It felt like kisses when you abused me! Hit me! Yell at me! Take all your frustrations and pent-up rage out on me! Please! I beg of you! Love me again! Want me the way you did when you first saw me! Make me your bitch! Anything… just be here with me tonight! I don’t have a support system. I don’t have close family or friends. I’ve been unloved for so long. Neglected and abused. My life is hell! Sometimes I think God hates me. Did I do something nefarious and unforgivable in a past life? Am I the reincarnation of Job? What’s wrong with me? My love, only you can cure me of this madness with your own brand of madness that only you can bestow upon me! My heart, my soul, my body, my mind, my belongings are all yours! I’m on my knees for your bittersweet fellatio, my holy communion. My religion is you, my handsome devil. My love…

Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

War of Subjection

Denser than the body

Deeper than the poems

Disease is a chronic hobby

The mind ostracizes the prose

I have grown                fond of the villains inside              my head                   They beg me to             give          them credit for my dread            Life is            boring without someone            to show me the               ropes              And your leap           of absence fabricated the death                     of my hopes               It is as if you died            If we are all                different Then                     not one of us can                 confide                If we are all a godsend                Then how come everyone does not feel alive                 We all                perceive                 our own reality So what                 does it matter who                we marry Or who to call Lord                                 Or which sports                 team                 to root for               All wars fight over differences of subjection                   We could                use our opinions for something                           more productive Let us build off                    of each other            so we can                   all be inventive                            Perhaps some of us have been                       doing so already But                    I am so addicted to                       generalizations                Grouping similar attributes together to make believe                     That I am anything                 but a separate entity                                                     Completely condemned to loneliness entirely

 

 

 

All The Right Places

Hello to my oddly optimistic fallen angels! I realized that if I expect people to treat me bad and go into a situation thinking that way, then only negative things will happen. Today, I tried a more positive approach. I was more social, I never mentioned any mental health jargon, and I engaged in rather normal conversations. I met new people as well as strengthened my existing friendships. I took initiative to start attending free guitar lessons that go on in my college. I haven’t touched my personal guitar in months. I took initiative to play video games with some other college students at the student lounge. I took initiative in contacting my friends through text and phone calls to plan to hang out in person just for the hell of it. I think the reason why I have felt alone for so long is that I never took the initiative. I always expected people to reach out to me, but it’s not realistic to wait for someone to read my mind. As a child, I was told to do certain things like chores or to go to grade school because I had to. But when I became an adult myself, I realized no one is gonna tell me to do my laundry or wake up to go to my morning courses. We can do anything we want as long as we don’t break the law. I can easily quit college, quit my job, delete all my social outlets, and just live off the state. I have done that in the past. But philosophically, seclusion is not a happy life. Some people are fairly decent if you look in the right places. Trust me, it is futile to resist the human urge to be social. Don’t be afraid to go outside and meet people! If money is an issue, there are plenty of free programs out there. If transportation is an issue, there are cheap ways to travel. The city bus or walking or making friends with people who have cars. Lol. There is a solution to any problem if you try hard enough. I hope you understand just how important human interaction truly is too. If you already know, then I’m proud of you. For the other lonely people like me, take initiative! Well, my fallen angels, have a wonderful day! Over and out.

Feel free to like and comment on this post and I will do the same for you. Also, please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B012BSPFCQ/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1452971409&sr=1-1&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=The+Pandemonium+Chronicles

Chronic Ritual

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Lying by the fire
Fueling my desire
Silently

Pouring tears on the ground
Behind a mask I found
Deniably

Kissing gusts of wind
In hopes it gets to him
Uselessly

Calling out his name
In the winter rain
So lonely

Holding me so tight
In the dead of night
Nobody

Dying by the hand
Of an older man
Happily

Feel free to like and comment on this post and I will do the same for you. Also, please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B012BSPFCQ/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1452971409&sr=1-1&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=The+Pandemonium+Chronicles