loss | Loneliness Isn't Real

To The Family

Posted on May 24, 2016 by The One-Eyed Angel

Abuelo is in a much better place than we’ll ever know.
Heaven is infinitely times better than where we are now.
So don’t be sad, everyone.

Be happy that he found peace.
And lived a full life with our huge family who loves him limitlessly.
His soul escaped the confinement of his human vessel to reach unfathomable heights.

Anything in life can be perceived negatively or positively.
Let yourself grieve and take that journey from the darkness of loss to the light of acceptance.
I am here for you all.

I try to make you all laugh in the expense of my atonement.
I am truly honored to be your jester if it will make you feel better even just for a moment.
I love you all more than you’ll ever know.

Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

Nothing But Bluebirds From Now On

Posted on January 3, 2016 by The One-Eyed Angel

Earn merit
You’ll inherit
A benign spirit
But I can’t bear it
Always easier said than done;
Nothing but bluebirds from now on.
Ebb & flow down the waterfall
Wait a year to drop a ball
Not even a single call
Metaphorical wall;
If it’s wetter,
It’s better.
I’m the same
Myself to blame
Alone I have came
Like a single player game
Always easier said than done;
Nothing but bluebirds from now on.
Meander through the crime scene
My eyes before weren’t as keen
This is why I’m so mean
Like a troubled teen;
If it’s tethered,
It’s better.
One day
It’ll be okay
Too young to decay
Young enough to go play
Always easier said than done;
Nothing but bluebirds from now on.
Wavelengths with jagged edges
No point trimming hedges
Hanging off ledges
Of hairy wedges
If it’s sharper,
It’s better.
Earn merit
You’ll inherit
A benign spirit
But I can’t bear it
Always easier said than done…

Let’s Be Negative Again: Nothing To Lose

Posted on November 25, 2015 by The One-Eyed Angel

Hello to my fallen angels! I love The Hunger Games series! Johanna Mason reminds me a lot of myself. Cute but crazy. My favorite quote by her from The Hunger Games: Catching Fire=

Katniss, Peeta, Finnick, and Beetee stare bewildered at Johanna for flipping out in the arena where President Snow can see.

Johanna: spoken softly “What? He can’t hurt me. There’s no one left that I love.”

This quote really spoke to me. I lost my family, the one man I truly loved, and I grew apart from all my friends. There’s no one else in this world that I love. I have nothing to lose. I’m a force to be reckoned with. I’ve been homeless before and I’ll endure it again if i ever have to once more. I’ve been abused psychologically, physically, spiritually, verbally, sexually, and emotionally. I’m well aware that things in my life can ALWAYS get worse. There’s an animalistic side of me that currently lies dormant within myself but I can shake it awake at any given time. I don’t fear death because I have been suicidal the majority of my life. I can’t wait to meet the Grim Reaper but I guess it’s not my time to go yet. Apparently, God wants me to suffer a bit more before I perish. This is the worst time for me. Any other time of the year, I could easily repress my agony and use coping skills to distract myself from it. However, the holiday season constantly throws the concept of family and togetherness into my fucking face. Some family members I hardly know came across my venting on Facebook and decided to reach out to me for a pity party tomorrow. Oh boy! I can just picture myself sitting uncomfortably and awkwardly as everyone else socializes and embraces each other. Then an attractive man will come up to me feigning interest in my subtle existence until I’ll realize he’s my cousin. At this point, I’ll fuck one of my sexy cousins. This loneliness got me contemplating many things including incest. Lol. It’s not like he’ll knock me up with a retarded baby. Whatever. Fuck everything and fuck everyone too! You all can shove your turkeys and presents up your asses! Lmao. Happy Holidays, my fallen angels! Over and out. 🙂

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

Severed Cords

Posted on September 29, 2015 by The One-Eyed Angel

Crawling blades of grass,
Plummeting plateau,
Bubbling suds cascading down,
Briny depths await below,
Aquatic departure,
Pristine submission,
Wooden pier,
Viridescent canoe,
Fishermen’s knot,
Man rolls luggage,
Wheels skip boastfully,
Schoolboy jolting towards the playground,
Eager to abscond the miasma,
From the reason he was animated,
To the denouement of my misery,
Belongings thrown posthaste,
Onto the adjacent side,
Machete poised and ready,
Sever the noose attached,
Unplug the silver cord that lost its spark,
Snatch oars in arms’ reach,
Row towards the new horizon,
Mistaken for vintage,
Imagery shrinkage,
Implosion internal bleeding,
Water’s surface spread pastel,
Violet and indigo and cerulean,
Darkest before the dawn,
For water knows no drink,
Apollo peeks prior its peak,
Rubicund and saffron and topaz too,
Hope exists regardless of where you are

If no one else can see it

Posted on September 12, 2015 by The One-Eyed Angel

Good morning to my expressive fallen angels! What do you have planned for this weekend? So today, I woke up recalling the times when I still lived with my mother. I remember sometimes she would get her hair done. Beautifully styled to compliment the women on the shows on TV Land we used to watch together. Why did this random memory resurface today? I notice that my first thought of the day usually composes of either my ex or my mother. The two people who hurt me the most are the two people I once loved the most. The pain has been nullified as the time goes by but pain demands to be felt. My mother hid her beauty under a hijab (a shawl muslim women wear to cover their scalps). My ex hid his heart within the abysmal darkness that made up his walls. I’m not like them. I take pleasure in that fact. I don’t repress anything. My heart and my masculine beauty may be hidden by most but not all. I am not a generalization. I understand that if most people can’t see the real me, then it’s because I don’t let them get to know me. This loneliness is eating me alive but I forgot how to live any other way. I’m an introvert. Apart from you, my fallen angels, only my therapist has access to my rantings. But who am I to you? Who are you to me? Does it really matter if no one can see it? I’m just a fabricated leviathan easily slain. I think very highly of myself but I’m only human. One fatal draw of fate can end my time in this world. My body is merely a vessel of biblical proportions. Then again, I’m relying on belief that this life is worth living. Nothing is proven. But to sum it all up, perhaps loneliness is one of the truest things there is and whether or not I let myself establish external connections with others makes no difference either way. Maybe I’m right or maybe it’s just another theory piled on infinite other postulates by other Philosophers. At least I know for myself where my salvation came from. I can only hope that you find yours too, if you haven’t done so already. Age is no correlation to when you’ll discover it. Time treats the soul differently. With that positive note, I wish you all a wonderful day! Over and out.

So close to the edge

Posted on July 31, 2015 by The One-Eyed Angel

Desperation forces to abandon,
Innate ethical morality,
His wings charred like coals,
Eggshells stepped upon to please him,

Those hypnotic red eyes aren’t peripherally avoided,
Some days the hypnosis is nullified,
But all thoughts of freedom died when he flew away,
The veins in his hands enveloped me in ecstasy and sin,
Hardworking yet effortless in controlling his prey,

Promises of love for the completion of a homicidal request,
I would kill anyone if it meant he would want me the same way,
He used to when we first met,
Did I disobey him?
Neglected and released of all pain and pleasure,
I miss them both cus abuse let me know the fallen angel existed,

Love is many things it seems,
It’s been over a year memories of him are just remnants of the past,
I must turn the page of a story that has long since found a home,
Even if I don’t agree with how the romance depleted,

Let him grab me with force take me to the heavens for a glimpse,
Of what could’ve been right before he lets go easily as flapping wings,
So close to the edge of the Golden Gates but it wasn’t in the cards,

God better have a more suitable mate in mind,
I plummet down the abyss as my faith keeps me fighting for breath,
Until perfection is crafted for me I must settle for second-best

Heaven is locked up in those bones of his

Posted on May 29, 2015 by The One-Eyed Angel

There once was a man who came up to me,
And introduced himself so politely,
As he also sat on the wooden bench,
He was aware of our boundaries,

In response I told him my name,
We shook hands and we smiled the same,
30 minutes past until the bus came,
He asked me if I’d go home or if I’d rather stay,

I decided the latter and we went on a date,
Went to the movies until it got late,
We exchanged numbers a bridge we create,
It was love at first sight that seemed like fate,

He was such a handsome gentleman,
It was two months before we held hands,
He was so afraid to make his move,
But when he did all doubt he removed,

In six months’ time he confessed his love,
Every time he spoke angels sang from above,
Everyday words turned into love songs,
Butterflies came back when I thought they were gone,

Everyone else thought he was a bad guy,
But I knew for a fact he had love trapped inside,
I clawed at his walls til my nails bloody raw,
Was he always so guarded before I never saw,

Two years has past since the day we first met,
So much has happened since that fateful event,
He wasn’t the same man I once fell hard for,
Evil encased his heart but not to his core,

His views on the world had changed so much,
So cold and defeated became his touch,
I tried so hard to save him from the dark,
But of to no avail shadows made their mark,

Paranoia and apathy took over him,
The light he once garnered grew so dim,
So eventually I had to let him go,
His love or lack of it thereof,

He was my first love I’ll never forget,
The good times we shared I’ll never regret,
He saved my life with just one kiss,
And now he’s gone a man I’ll forever miss,

His altruistic ways will always live on,
In me his memory as bright as the Sun,
It’s tragic that this love was dismissed,
Heaven is locked up in those bones of his