Mania II

Mania I

Take me back! I’ll literally crawl to you! I need you! I’m half-alive without you! After all this time, I still love you! I don’t want anyone else! Any other man I would end up with will always be second best to you! It felt like kisses when you abused me! Hit me! Yell at me! Take all your frustrations and pent-up rage out on me! Please! I beg of you! Love me again! Want me the way you did when you first saw me! Make me your bitch! Anything… just be here with me tonight! I don’t have a support system. I don’t have close family or friends. I’ve been unloved for so long. Neglected and abused. My life is hell! Sometimes I think God hates me. Did I do something nefarious and unforgivable in a past life? Am I the reincarnation of Job? What’s wrong with me? My love, only you can cure me of this madness with your own brand of madness that only you can bestow upon me! My heart, my soul, my body, my mind, my belongings are all yours! I’m on my knees for your bittersweet fellatio, my holy communion. My religion is you, my handsome devil. My love…

Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

Artificial Love

This nightclub seems so ominous,
But the way to you is crystal clear,
Why can’t fate confine the incubus?
Let’s escape the crowd with our souls to bare,

If you want,
We can type our lives away,
Or I can confess my intentions,
We can go to my place,

We can have the real thing,
Or just make artificial love,
We can have the real thing,
Or just make artificial love,
Time doesn’t mend broken hearts,
So let’s fill our empty voids tonight,
We can have the real thing,
Or just make artificial love

You’re killing me under these sheets,
I don’t have the balls to do it myself,
Using me until your ammo depletes,
Cus you grew bored of shooting yourself,

If you want,
We can cuddle after,
Let’s make believe you really care,
Before I leave with my ruffled up hair

We can have the real thing,
Or just make artificial love,
We can have the real thing,
Or just make artificial love,
Time doesn’t mend broken hearts,
So let’s fill our empty voids tonight,
We can have the real thing,
Or just make artificial love

In fear of another heartbreak,
I feign not having a heart at all,
Shattered glass pieced back together only forms a web of lies,
I know this isn’t love,
Red flags ebb like genocide,
For we rebukeย the patience to have the real thing

So let’s just make artificial love

image

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading ๐Ÿ™‚

Unquenched desire

Carve out the poignant source of a vampire’s elixir,
Urges full of vanity and lust ushers
away from its zenith,
Feelings dipped in unconditional fate unreciprocated,
Our union was founded on informal fornication soaked in sin,
Yet the butterflies subjected to the work of necromancy,
Pleads to trek through this Corinthian labyrinth,
My love…
Suppressed and abandoned until it can barely be recalled,
I yearn for your masculine embrace succumbing to addiction,
This chemistry we garner saps at my strength routinely,
Adverting my gaze from any other man apart from you,
Faithful I would be even if I’m not your only sexual escapade,
Your sensual touch is misleading mistaken for the real thing,
Naivety has surely run its course however I’m completely aware,
Prevent the green from overthrowing the indigo child from his throne,
Peeking out between the gates betwixt my elderly soul,
…Heading towards the swaying crimson dream asunder…

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading ๐Ÿ™‚

Exorcise my heart

Warped and misconstrued ideas of love and other vulnerabilities,
Forgotten what desire and old-fashioned attire even feels like,
Garner a vigorous angst to morph manhood into sodomy,
You complete me,
But the Heaven-Dwellers don’t agree,

Angels stare down in disapproval as they choke on their halos,
And get drunk on holy water,
Sympathetically pitying mankind for we are their reflection,
Soul contracts dreaded to be accepted in fear of forbidden fruit,
Humans are prone to sin again and again like a chronic addiction,
As if there’s any other kind of happiness,

Self-harm in the form of you,
Waiting for your call was a kind of torture,
Masochistic ways allowed me to convert pain into pleasure,
Envy into pride,
Love into lust,
A whole being into just a half,
Your ego had my spirit to bear for your words were my grave,
Another homosexual said “my heart is a ghost town,”

Concrete words and sweet nothings I brag about it all,
Your imperfections are subconsciously imitated,
My role model,
My father figure,
My sick obsession,
Higher beings hover above us as I attempt to cut the cords,
But I am stronger than ever because of you,

I annoy you while you bore me,
Your convoy’s obsolete,
how a whore in me came to be,
Hell-mongers born of light and evil creatures syphoned of all hope,
Clean slate marred by heartbreak and other traumatic pandemonium,
Can’t control chaos,
Chaos loiters in the aftermath,

Hood rats scurry to their shadows materialized from the darkness,
Easier being evil,
Easier giving up caution and making a mess of healthy habits,
Oleaginous and insecure I once was,
Svelte and guarded I am now,
The worst mistake I ever made became my facade,
All the angels applaud their last hoorah,
In awe of how similar we all really are,
Before retreating behind the golden gates I negate to surpass,
For I am in denial,
And denial is more than a satire,
I know where I truly belong…

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading ๐Ÿ™‚

(Un)conditional love and selfless good deeds

Satisfaction is guaranteed,
A selfish or selfless good deed,
Is the same regardless of integrity, Divination isn’t concrete,
Relationships with other people isn’t a correlation to presence,
Empathic ways conjures feelings more connected to others,
than they can ever begin to fathom with their own two eyes,
Loneliness disguised as scoring one night stands,
Walls built to protect secret weapons and plan B’s,
Give to charity with stubborn feelings of pride,
Wealth is needed to fully enjoy insanity,
Travel the world and make new friends (sorry, followers),
To promote through hidden journeys and distant salvation,
Can’t shake off this feeling that the idea of him in the preliminaries, was what love should be like before it went awry,
Not afraid of the dark but what it means to be,
So aware of yet another upcoming loveless night,
Unconditional or conditional are both temporary,
What is forever when bliss is an elapsed time to showcase,
Whether Heaven or Hell would suffice for my elderly soul?
Strive for both yet expectations subconsciously takes its toll,
a little each day,
Meditation really works!
Laughing maniacally,
Laying on the grass while sensing onlookers’ judgment,
Ultimate knowledge seeps through veins from a vacant heart,
Does it truly matter if one sins differently from another?
Life is a telenovela performed with deception and intrigue,
Evil acts attract a larger audience,
Happy endings are disappointing to most,
Feeding bloated minds of starving artists,
Reviewing and exploiting what is observed in a material world,
Let’s type words because they amount to nothing,
“Will you marry me?”
A question that invited his words destined to become my grave,
Cry just to let me know you can,
Whether I save you next time around or if history repeats itself,
My selfish yearning is love preoccupied for reciprocation,
Unconditional love belongs to the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost,
No one else would be rightfully placed on a pedestal,
Demons scream when touching a Bible or being forced into church,
Detox a life for I have been where you are now,
Burning bridges shore to shore until a fossil is the only proof,
That I have been around before the sacrilegious bonfire,
Ignite my soul in fire or light,
You decide my fate apparently,
you are the judge and jury it seems,
Beautiful lies summon the handsome devil,
Contemplating if I’m truly made in God’s image

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading ๐Ÿ™‚

Why is abuse attractive?

Hello to my worldwide fallen angels! How was your day? So strangest thing happened today. I was watching what I can assume was a rerun of Burn Notice. I don’t know if you ever heard of it. It’s a show about this guy who was blacklisted from the CIA and is forced to do missions for various people to earn his way back to the force. Burn Notice is not the main point of this post. It’s just that there’s a storyarc in the series about the man’s past concerning an abusive father and resilient mother who had to go through so much to raise him. Anyway it triggered something in me that I can’t even understand. You see, my ex was abusive towards me but for some reason, when I saw today’s episode of Burn Notice, I had this weird idea to call him. I didn’t, of course! But still, I don’t get why a domestic violence scene would enable me to want to call my ex. That’s not a normal human reaction to such things. Why am I like that? Can anyone relate? It’s not like abuse is sexy or healthy at all. At least it shouldn’t be. I will never allow myself to go through that psychological torture that was my relationship with my ex. I refuse to ever call him again. I just had to say something. Without blogging, the loneliness would probably have taken advantage of that brief window of weakness. It seems like the things in life that are bad for me are the most tempting. My ex is forbidden fruit and I’ll admit it’s gonna take me a loooonnngggg time to fully be okay with his absence. It’s been almost a year already and when I think I’m okay, something triggers me into thinking about him again. I have gotten over guys in the past, but I didn’t know what love was back then. Maybe I still don’t. Love isn’t abusive. If that’s the case, then I have never been in love ever. According to that logic, my ex fiance will just be another hurdle I must train myself to jump over. Maybe I merely scratched the surface of love is. I never felt so confused in my life prior to the day we met. Even when he’s physically not around, he has this control over me apparently. Being aware of this control is the key to resisting the urge to contact him. The same way I work out or meditate or train myself to ground, center, and shield due to my empathic ways, I must also train my entire being to resist my ex as well as any other forbidden fruit. No matter how tasty. That’s life. A constant struggle between good and evil, within yourself. That war is always an internal one. Anything outside of yourself is out of your control. If everyone focused more on themselves and facing their demons rather than pointing fingers at each other, this world would be a better place. Unfortunately other people’s troubles allow us to forget about our own. It’s easier to place blame on others. I have a war raging inside me. But I must always keep in mind The Three Laws. Law of attraction will persuade me to be positive so that more positivity is attracted to my being. Negating that law would be to be negative ultimately allowing negativity to take over me. Law of allowance encourages me not to let my fears and anxiety render me from new thought patterns and experiences. Closing myself off because of the past will inevitably prevent me from seeking any chance of salvation. Law of acceptance is to admit to myself that my ex is toxic and even though I feel lonely, at least I have a chance to grow and find myself. God took my ex out of my life for a reason. I must accept that and trust that God is paving the way for my time of peace and true love. Pray for me. The whole world is in my prayers. Have a wonderful day! Over and out.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! ๐Ÿ™‚