Mania VI

There’s a certain kind of beauty within the concept of insanity. The undeniable traumas society has inflicted [on the Deviants] affected us to the point where we stray farther and farther from whatever the hell “normal” is. I yearn to implode, to stay huddled in fetal position while whispering hidden truths to the red-eyed shadows that I am blessed enough to see. I want so badly to throw things across the room and to lose myself to a fit of rage and despair. I envision a world where my actions have no consequences. A world where the voices in my head can be expressed aloud! Morality wouldn’t exist without others potentially witnessing and judging the release of all my unkempt emotion. I can scream until my voice escapes the confines of my vessel. I can cry my eyes out to the heavens. I demand to be understood by the cosmos. I will lay my pain bare for everyone to see until I’m empty enough to pass the point of no return. Stare at me in awe as I relinquish this hold on myself and to strip off what makes me able to function in reality. Ahhhhh help me!!!!!!!! As if anyone could!!!!!! Loneliness is the best way to live. Defy the physical plane! Tear through space and time with The Subtle Knife. Free the slaves of justice! Reign havoc and destruction upon anyone who can’t even begin to fathom the frustrations my kind has dealt with since the beginning of time. We are The Deviants. We speak answers to questions you never thought of asking. We do things that you can’t bring yourself to do. We are The Deviants.

Mania V

Humans are not capable of garnering their own strength. They irrevocably need to rely on others. If mankind becomes dependent on safe predictability, the world will cease to evolve. Humanity must go through trials time and time again. Chaos is the cause of human growth. This, I will teach you…. I see… You’ve gone beyond being human… You’ve hurt me… I like it! Haha… Hahahahahaaaa… Some higher power granted you abilities beyond the realm of dependency… Hahahaaa… (Don’t listen to me. My words possess no merit!) You’ve shown me new possibilities. I regret nothing. Glory to chaos!

Mania IV

I feel so indifferent towards the things I once cared so deeply about the things that once were so painfully unbearable to experience that I tried so hard to convince myself it was all just a figment of my imagination there’s nothing here for me but I don’t want to be alone anymore and yet there are still people in my life I still love sometimes I wish they didn’t exist just so I’d have nothing to lose I’d be stronger if I had everything to gain but never really gaining anything at all It would be wonderful if I can merely flip a switch and turn off all the empathy all the love all the hope and all of my humanity to live coerced in an empty vessel while my essence wandered afar striving for better

Mania III

God dealt me some shitty cards I fight the urge to kill myself everyday I hope that my resistance is worth it someday I can’t keep it up much longer if this is all that’s real but a psych ward is more of a vacation than it is a solution I don’t think you can save me I’m so miserable and no one can save me life is meaningless death is inevitable that’s the only thing I look forward to I feel indifferent towards everything so numb from things I can never un-experience I don’t care enough to raise my voice or to be assertive I feel myself slipping into a miasma of dissociation desperately trying to turn off my human switch and to disappear into the shadows with blood dripping from my fangs for I am the life that sucks from other lives

Mania II

Mania I

Take me back! I’ll literally crawl to you! I need you! I’m half-alive without you! After all this time, I still love you! I don’t want anyone else! Any other man I would end up with will always be second best to you! It felt like kisses when you abused me! Hit me! Yell at me! Take all your frustrations and pent-up rage out on me! Please! I beg of you! Love me again! Want me the way you did when you first saw me! Make me your bitch! Anything… just be here with me tonight! I don’t have a support system. I don’t have close family or friends. I’ve been unloved for so long. Neglected and abused. My life is hell! Sometimes I think God hates me. Did I do something nefarious and unforgivable in a past life? Am I the reincarnation of Job? What’s wrong with me? My love, only you can cure me of this madness with your own brand of madness that only you can bestow upon me! My heart, my soul, my body, my mind, my belongings are all yours! I’m on my knees for your bittersweet fellatio, my holy communion. My religion is you, my handsome devil. My love…

Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

Mania I

I’m so sick of people in general. I bet no one would like this post. Maybe now you will because I bet you would’t. You just wanna prove me wrong, huh? Perhaps I just want to get attention. That would explain why I’m posting this on a public domain. But no one cares. Even if you like it, you still don’t care. Likes are meaningless. Comments are meaningless. I don’t give a fuck about your opinion unless it strokes my ego. Even then it’s not enough. It’s never enough. What are we living for? To pay bills? Fornicate? Consume food? Earn money to further fuel your hedonistic ways? Fuck this. The only reason I’m still alive is because I don’t have the balls to kill myself. FUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!! If you made it this far, congratulations for nothing. Because only I exist and you are all just a figment of my imagination, both unknown and repressed. Seek sacrilege from an undeniable, corruptible society in which everything is labeled for your own selfish needs. The human race is doomed to hell for eternity. If you’re not benefiting me in any way, whether it’s money or sex or connections, then you are nothing to me. But why do you care? I’m just another human being suffering on this wretched planet. What’s the point of anything? What’s the point of subjection and free will when it just leaves you all alone? Seeing the remnants of family members during holidays just to not feel alone one day of the year. Where’s Jesus? Where’s God? Where’s anything holy in this cataclysmic world we all just happen to occupy? Let the end of the world commence in unholy communion. I don’t give a fuck!!!! Do you love my writing style? insert meaningless heart here: ❤

War of Subjection

Denser than the body

Deeper than the poems

Disease is a chronic hobby

The mind ostracizes the prose

I have grown                fond of the villains inside              my head                   They beg me to             give          them credit for my dread            Life is            boring without someone            to show me the               ropes              And your leap           of absence fabricated the death                     of my hopes               It is as if you died            If we are all                different Then                     not one of us can                 confide                If we are all a godsend                Then how come everyone does not feel alive                 We all                perceive                 our own reality So what                 does it matter who                we marry Or who to call Lord                                 Or which sports                 team                 to root for               All wars fight over differences of subjection                   We could                use our opinions for something                           more productive Let us build off                    of each other            so we can                   all be inventive                            Perhaps some of us have been                       doing so already But                    I am so addicted to                       generalizations                Grouping similar attributes together to make believe                     That I am anything                 but a separate entity                                                     Completely condemned to loneliness entirely

 

 

 

As It Was, As It Is, As It Will Be

I miss

psych wards

anti-psychotics

anti-

depressants

mood

Stabilizers

Anything to hold

On

To my

Humanity

I

miss almost

Being dead

being

restrained

i

Miss physical pain

Getting

Attention for being

Insane

I miss

mother afraid of me

Father figures

Touching me

I miss fearing for

My life

Alone

Without a home

I miss

My heart my

Mind

I

Miss my 15-

year-old

Body

I miss

Starving while

My sisters

Went out to

Party i miss

Running

Away to the

Cemetery

i miss the

Countless

Times i was almost

Relieved of

The burden of being Alive

I miss the feeling

Of

My heart break

ing

I

Miss fighting

Off grown men

just to survive i miss The insecurity of

A

Homeless

Shelter I miss worrying

About bullies

I miss

The ability

To cry

I

Miss missing

People

I miss caring

I miss

Not knowing

Anything

I miss the joy

Of my

Baptism

And God

I want

To believe

that I

Miss God

Feel free to like and comment on this post and I will do the same for you. Also, please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B012BSPFCQ/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1452971409&sr=1-1&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=The+Pandemonium+Chronicles