Good morning to my mysterious fallen angels! How was your labor day weekend? So have you noticed my poetic prowess has been greatly improved since my blog was first established? I read my own “past endeavors” (archives) and even my own writing gives me goosebumps. I noticed one of my older poems, Triskelion, still gets checked out at least once everyday by some of my unknown fallen angels since it was originally posted back in the beginning of this Summer. My personal favorite poems are Kamikaze Burlesque and Loneliness and guilty pleasures. I felt confident enough to explore my sexuality with you all in my poems after experimenting with these two specific posts to see how you would react. A lot of likes but a very few comments on either of them. To be expected. Ha! Some of my newer additions to my collection; The Scarlet Harlot and Unquenched Desire; display my more vulnerable takes on love. You’re probably wondering why this post reminds you of those flashback shows in certain tv series where all they do is show clips of past episodes, huh? Well, I wanted to enforce my explanation of how I view myself. A paranoid yet lonely sociopath who just wants to be left alone. Well that’s not entirely true, to be honest. I just want to be loved. Now is that so bad? Clique… But I feel like no matter how many poems, random reviews, or check-ins I post, it will always be the tip of the iceberg! I have no doubt many other bloggers feel the same way. Like I can never fully pour my heart and soul into the depths of my blog 100%. Maybe I’m just naturally mysterious. Perhaps if I spoke in clear English rather than through prose, I can make you see who I really am. Yeah, cus I’m wrong like that… Perhaps I should get out my house more… Society is more inclined to the likes of Facebook posts rather than blog posts. It seems like people would rather video record me trip or cuss someone out than for me to confuse them with my philosophical mind. Not many people want to read intellectual works of literature anymore. A lot of people I come across in public don’t wanna know how I’m doing or become my friend. I notice the only times humans interact with me are when they need something. Sex. Labor. Laughter. Money. [As stated in leave me alone I’m lonely] One or a combination of those four things. No one ever wants to know how I’m doing even if I ask them first. You can never know someone 100%. The belief that you can is faulty. We are all subject to vested interest. We are all alone in our own minds.
So back to the topic at hand, I take pride that my writing is getting better even though my social life isn’t. Luckily, I can say in all honesty that I love you all, my fallen angels! I had made friends with some of you and I have never been more real than I have been with you. Thank you so much for taking interest in my blog! I’m never gonna stop. I’m gonna keep it coming. So stay tuned for more posts in the future! Have a wonderful day! Over and out.
Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂
Watch “The Truth About Robin Williams Suicide” on YouTube
Good morning. I guess I woke up on the wrong side of the bed or maybe I am starting to unlock all the feelings of depression and loneliness I have repressed within myself for so long. I understand why Robin Williams killed himself. He was very wise and troubled but no one took him seriously. His life and his death, his legacy, was a symbol for our country and the whole world. We all may think we have people in our lives that genuinely care about us but most people don’t give a fuck. We are losing our humanity. We care less about nature and each other and more about the media and material things. Robin Williams suffered with depression and near his final time alive, he turned to drugs and seclusion. I can relate to him or at least relate to what I know about him. I suffer with depression but I survived countless endeavors and always scurried my way out. I adapt and I try to move forward. People come to me for advice or a shoulder to cry on or to hear a joke that will make their day. But I can’t think of anyone who would do that for me or are even capable of comforting a true fallen angel. I am strong and I laugh and smile quite often but most days, i don’t even wanna get out of bed. I just wanna hide from the rest of the world. Grieving for the limitless people who came and went from my life, never able to stay. I have a Facebook account and youtube and many other ones but none of that fools me to thinking anyone is truly there for me. Other people may succumb to the illusion that they have many friends due to social media. Maybe because it’s a way to cope for the loss of our humanity. I am so depressed. And yet I try the best I can to continue working on myself physically, mentally, spiritually, and psychologically. I work out regularly and I try to be positive in a negative world as if opposites really do attract. I go to church and pray and compensate for my life by going through the process of an adult baptism. I go to therapy to vent and try to rid myself of mental illness. I think everyone needs therapy. It’s time to stop running towards the status quo and towards reality, no matter how obscure or diminished our views on life may be. I feel like no one in my daily life can even begin to fathom what it’s like to go through this. Maybe we all go through it. I don’t know because no one ever wants to talk about the “negative” things. Same thing with Robin Williams. He was so funny and sweet. That was what everyone else saw. But based on my life experience, I can only imagine the reasons why he decided not to confide in anyone or to break the ice of an otherwise silly comedic persona. He knew no one cared to dig deeper than the mask. To be honest, this world is dangerous and terrifying at times. We are doing the best we can. To care about anyone else but ourselves is a burden. We are fighting our own battles. Frankly, I can barely help myself most days. I don’t know the solution to revive our humanity or even pinpoint when we lost it. But I do know it takes all my being to not give up and commit the same act that Robin Williams did. He was a beautiful person who was misunderstood. I may not know all there is needed to know about him but I can sympathize with the idea of him and his tragic demise. People think I’m a joke and usually don’t take me seriously. But why would they? I make them think that subconsciously because just like Robin Williams, I don’t believe anyone can begin to acknowledge this concept that I speak so fondly of. I believe I have lost my mind years ago. I don’t remember when exactly but I’m living my life on auto-pilot. I have faith that I play a huge factor in saving this lost world we live in. The unfortune and the tragedy will never cease, but the hope and love in the world will forever oppose the evil. That felt good to vent. A series of coping skills distracting me from the inevitable suicidal ideation. Don’t worry. (You won’t anyway) I will be okay. I have been through worse. I’ll just adapt and survive like I always do. Have a wonderful day, my magnificent fallen angels! Over and out.