A couple of rants from a madman

I refuse to close myself off from the world. I won’t allow myself to overgeneralize or to assume every person will hurt me simply because a few actually did. Otherwise, I would be no different than those who actually deserve to be condemned in that fucking box I place the whole world in! I’m not going to let my insecurities or my hurt feelings sever my ties to humanity. Or else this unrelenting misery will be all I’ll ever know.

I don’t think society is getting worse. I think these things has always been happening. Perhaps society is becoming more self-aware. Things that used to happen behind closed doors, things that we were once ashamed to admit to anyone – are coming to light. Instead of judging the truth for what it is, we should learn from these horrific events because how else will humanity evolve?

Redemption

Is life supposed to stop because I did something horrible? Well, here’s the real horrible truth. No matter what I do or how bad I feel about it, life just goes on. Life doesn’t give a fuck that I’m sorry or upset or deranged or tormented. Life just goes on, and I got to go on with it, or sit in the middle of the road and feel sorry for myself. And I don’t see myself doing that. I’m not evil. Everything that I have done… and my faith was still pure. When I spoke words of prayer, they were just as real to me as when I memorized them in church all those years ago when I still exuded a clandestine innocence. The words still moved me. I never doubted God. I doubted myself. But maybe God was a more generous God than I allowed Him to be. I faced the demon with my faith and prayer. Does that mean God has forgiven me of my sins? I don’t know. If He has truly forgiven me, then He’s more magnanimous than I’ll ever be.

Out of the Box

​I don’t want anything from you

Except everything you have

And what’s left after that too

I will guard my heart

I’ll let you guard yours as well

Until you’re ready to begin

No one ever said beauty was perfection

Fallen angels know I’ve been hurt before too

​Not all men are the same

Don’t put me in a box

Nostalgic pain is to blame 

You need love but you’re a paradox

Not all men are the same

Don’t put me in a box

I’m not the one to blame

Time ticks and time tocks

I can’t make someone love me

I can’t make someone stay

Not all men are dogs

I’m a patient man 

In the most ostentatious way

Salvation IX

I         II       III       IV       V       VI      VII       VIII

Peering at life through a keyhole,
You’re more refined than you’ve ever been before,
But you still have more wisdom and experience to acquire.
Trembling like a god,
Holding up half the sky to say
That you can’t do it on your own.
Just because you stumble and lose your way,
It doesn’t mean you’re lost forever.
Sometimes we all need a little help.
Compassion makes you chary.
Yet you still can see beyond the walls
They made their homes from their pasts many years ago.
Their torment overwhelms you.
It seems easier to give in to the mayhem you uncover,
But it’s not their pain you’re afraid of,
It’s your own.
And as frightening as that may be,
That desolation will make you stronger.
If you allow yourself to intuit the sorrow –
Encompass it –
It will make you more powerful than you can ever imagine.
It’s the most cogent gift to have,
To bear their agony without falling apart,
And resilient empathy is born from the most human power…
Hope.

Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

Make Your Pain My Own

I want to hold onto the distraught woman who gave birth to a miniature cadaver
While she tries to convince herself it was a figment of her imagination
For I know denial makes it easier to bare
So make your pain my own

I want to hold onto the stoic man who broke my heart then left to find something else to do
While he tries to overcome his insecurities without putting down his walls
For I know it’s impossible to have my cake and eat it too
So make your pain my own

I want to hold onto the vengeful woman who never turns the page of stories that has long since been burned
While she tries to live with the awful things she has done
For I know forgiveness is a hard thing to learn
So make your pain my own

I want to hold onto the naive man who believes it’s okay to force himself to belong with a hateful family
While he witnesses his hopes and dreams crumble to the floor
For I know it may not be lonely to stay and pretend they love me
So make your pain my own

I want to hold onto the guilty man who gave into lust and lost everything he once cared about
While he comes into terms with the consequences of his actions
For I know the past cannot be revised by doubt
So make your pain my own

I want to hold onto the past that’s submerged in my tears
While it hopelessly tries to learn how to breathe without air
For I know nothing lasts forever as happiness fades through the years
So make your pain my own

Feel free to like and comment on this post and I will do the same for you. Also, please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B012BSPFCQ/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1452971409&sr=1-1&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=The+Pandemonium+Chronicles

Your Shadow Sticks Around Because It Loves You

I sing with soul only while I’m in the shower;

Christina Aguilera possesses my reclusive power.

My love exceeds human aptitude in the privacy of my own home;

Sensual romance engulfed in a torrent of kisses for the intangible.

I laugh a joyous manic when I leave my comfort zone;

A burst of social air fills my lungs to dissipate my lips’ blue tone.

I can only dance before an audience dressed as a gothic queen;

The release of my feminine side is hardly ever seen.

I know what it’s like to live life in pain, you just do it, unfortunately;

Only my shadow sticks around because only it loves me.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

Faithful Forevermore

Hello to my faithful fallen angels! Let’s climb aboard for another one of The One-Eyed Angel’s check-ins, shall we? There were a select group of friends I would text every single morning. I felt like I was doing all the work after a while. So I stopped texting them first to see if they would reach out to me and I ultimately lost touch with them.

Honestly I think I’m losing touch with my brother too. He seems apathetic since he broke up with his ex-fiance. He had a kid with her but it doesn’t seem like he cares. So I try not take it personally. But I was on the receiving end of a lover’s apathy. Hence it’s nearly impossible to not empathize with his ex-fiance and the daughter he left behind. He’s a good brother and a good person to me, but he’s not inclined to maintain a family dynamic. I get it though. I think I would have done the same thing, to be honest. She was far from perfect herself. It can go either way when it concerns me.

It just sucks how hurt people tend to hurt people. Most people want to unload their burden onto someone else. Just because I have my shit together, people assume I’m always okay. But I’m human too. Not many of my friends are people I could confide in if I need support. They’re always busy or they’re in the company of someone more important. I think people are naturally selfish honestly. It takes strength and compassion to care about someone other than yourself.

Aside from my psychological perplexity, my vessel is in need of repair. I have been taking pain killers every single day for years due to chronic neck and back problems. The diplopia isn’t quite a pleasant experience either. I hope there’s a solution to my physical anomalies. As of this point in my life, every problem has been solved or in the process of being solved. So my faith resides forevermore in God.

But I get a bit cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs when I skip meditation and other spiritual practices. A visit to the spirit realm always cures my crazies. If I stop laughing, I’d be crying. So I laugh, pop pain killers, and practice abstinence to stay alive. Ode to joy!

Hope always find its way in. I have obtained a friendship with a neighbor I honestly didn’t think I would establish any kind of relationship with. My brother shows me that he still has a heart from time to time. I have known one of my best friends for several years now and she’s someone who actually has an aptitude to acknowledge how and why I am the way I am. Yet no matter how much I divulge myself to you all, I will forever remain a mystery. On that beautiful note, I wish you all a wonderful day! Over and out.

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Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

If no one else can see it

Good morning to my expressive fallen angels! What do you have planned for this weekend? So today, I woke up recalling the times when I still lived with my mother. I remember sometimes she would get her hair done. Beautifully styled to compliment the women on the shows on TV Land we used to watch together. Why did this random memory resurface today? I notice that my first thought of the day usually composes of either my ex or my mother. The two people who hurt me the most are the two people I once loved the most. The pain has been nullified as the time goes by but pain demands to be felt. My mother hid her beauty under a hijab (a shawl muslim women wear to cover their scalps). My ex hid his heart within the abysmal darkness that made up his walls. I’m not like them. I take pleasure in that fact. I don’t repress anything. My heart and my masculine beauty may be hidden by most but not all. I am not a generalization. I understand that if most people can’t see the real me, then it’s because I don’t let them get to know me. This loneliness is eating me alive but I forgot how to live any other way. I’m an introvert. Apart from you, my fallen angels, only my therapist has access to my rantings. But who am I to you? Who are you to me? Does it really matter if no one can see it? I’m just a fabricated leviathan easily slain. I think very highly of myself but I’m only human. One fatal draw of fate can end my time in this world. My body is merely a vessel of biblical proportions. Then again, I’m relying on belief that this life is worth living. Nothing is proven. But to sum it all up, perhaps loneliness is one of the truest things there is and whether or not I let myself establish external connections with others makes no difference either way. Maybe I’m right or maybe it’s just another theory piled on infinite other postulates by other Philosophers. At least I know for myself where my salvation came from. I can only hope that you find yours too, if you haven’t done so already. Age is no correlation to when you’ll discover it. Time treats the soul differently. With that positive note, I wish you all a wonderful day! Over and out.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂