Salvation VII

Salvation I     Salvation II     Salvation III    Salvation IV    Salvation V     Salvation VI

There will always only be one such existence as yourself.
You are nobody else…
That is why everything you do –
Or touch
Or construct
Or modify
– is something only you and you alone could have done.
Just by breathing,
even if just a little,
you changed the world around you for the better.
You may be despondent,
but the world you live in will continue to go on.
The home to this insane and magnificent guild –
the world that your life itself has changed,
no matter how paltry.
You exist as a fragile,
porcelain gear amongst many within the turning of the world clock.
A person’s life isn’t defined by grand accomplishments.
There’s no need to further pursue a timeless quest to justify your existence,
Or anyone else’s for that matter…
You are alive!
Does that not itself give meaning to your life?

Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

Let’s be negative!

Hello to my negative fallen angels! I’m gonna talk some real shit today because I genuinely don’t give a fuck and I need to vent. I can’t see my therapist this week because of stupid ass Thanksgiving. This is the time of the month my food stamps are gone and people make plans with me and then ditch me at the last minute. So when people ask me what I’m doing for Thanksgiving, I say starving and contemplating suicide. Lol. I hate the holiday season! More like Suicide Season! I’m the fucking love child of Mr. Scrooge and the Grinch. There’s always those dumbass Christmas specials on TV and annoying children getting spoiled and becoming worse and worse every year. I can’t do yoga or meditation as well as my empathic rituals barefooted at my local park because now it’s too cold outside. My ex-fiance’s birthday is in December too. And my crush keeps hanging me on a hook. I hate this shit! Ungrateful people smiling and laughing in each other’s company as if they give a fuck about each other. I have no faith nor expectations in other people anymore so when someone fails to comply, I am not disappointed. Loneliness is the realest thing there is and I must be content with the darkness that is mankind. My boss is fake too! Warmline ain’t shit! No one’s calling and she’s a condescending bitch! It’s a fake job led by a fake person. I bet she was one of those blonde cheerleaders who gossip and pour pig’s blood on dark beauty queens. The kind of girl in high school whose boyfriend I fucked last night. I’m trying to get a real job but I guess no one is really hiring. Lol. My brother is getting back with his bitch ass fiance so I’m not talking to him anytime soon. I hope the world ends soon though. It sucked when mankind continued to live past 2012. I mention 2012 a lot but seriously, I was SO FUCKING DISAPPOINTED THAT THE END OF THE WORLD NEVER HAPPENED! Humans don’t deserve to live. Whatever. I gotta wait it out, I guess. I have been working out three times a week but I’m still curvy as fuck. I really enjoyed doing drag last Wednesday though. I have pictures and wrote a draft for my post about my alter-drag ego, Seductress. However, the video for ComiQueens is still in the works of being edited. So once I gather pics and vids, I will post it immediately. And my church family is pretty cool. So maybe there are a few reasons to continue tolerating living amongst human beings as an alien attempting but failing to take over the world time and time again. No one in my life bothers reading my blog, but even if they did… oh wells! The infamous One-Eyed Angel resumes his existence in pursuit of a fabled salvation. Wish me luck and I will wish you luck too – as if that matters at all. Have a wonderful day! Over and out.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

An Angel’s Awakening (A-CUBED)

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Good morning to my blessed fallen angels! I finally got baptized today! It’s been long-awaited. (Aww! Look at me in my church clothes as opposed to my gothic garb.) I’m officially an Episcopalian now! I love my church family! I love God! People can disappoint me, betray me, neglect me, abuse me, avoid me, judge me, use me, and hurt me but I’m so happy to give myself up to The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit. I never have to worry about God doing any of those things to me that people have done time and time again. It’s all trials and tribulations. It’s expected to go through hardship in life in one way or another. I am definitely not an exception to that biblical rule. I have no regrets, no held grudges, and no hatred towards anyone or anything. Everything I have been through (“The Sufie Saga”) led me to this moment. My mother told me I made her depressed and that she should’ve aborted me, but I forgive her. The only man I have ever loved (so far…) broke my heart in ways I never thought was humanly possible, but I forgive him too. I’m so emotionally resilient. I have been abused physically, mentally, sexually, emotionally, and even spiritually (by a psychic Narcissist). However, I still manage to get out of bed in the morning, smile, laugh (sometimes manically), and uphold my daily responsibilities. Three weeks from now, I’m starting acolyte training to someday become a priest. I’m also in college to be a therapist for people with mental health problems. And I garner spiritual abilities of my own. Just yesterday, I was contemplating killing myself, but it’s amazing how God can save me just when I feel like giving up. I am going to help and heal a lot of people! I’m gonna make this world a better place than when I found it! On the other hand, I will still don the name, The One-Eyed Angel because this darkness infested with depression and rage will always be a part of me. It has helped me survive through the worst of times and helped me appreciate with ultimate gratitude the best of times. All emotions are temporary, both good and bad. I know I’m not gonna feel this happiness consistently for the rest of my life, but I accept that simply because I must accept that. Although I don’t have any close friends or family members who went to my baptism today, I have acknowledged already that my life is a lonely one so no surprises that no one outside my church family came today. I’m okay though. There must be some valid reason God didn’t place too many people in my life. Some can handle society while some can’t. To each his own. Have a wonderful day! Over and out.

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Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

City Boy

Stare down
Down down down,
Sit down
Down down down,
Sneak peek,
Hot guy,
Look back down,
Pull out phone,
Stare down
Down down down,
Stay down
Down down down,
Quick glance,
Say hi?
Nah he’s straight,
Could get hurt,
Stare down
Down down down,
Calm down
Down down down,
Bus stops,
Look up,
He gets out,
Missed chance,
Stare down
Down down down,
Feel down
Down down down

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

My baby girl!

Hello to my unconditional fallen angels! So I didn’t understand what it was like to love an animal til I got a cat myself. Animals are so beautiful. They love us unconditionally and they stay in that baby phase forever. I usually don’t cry but if something happened to Silly, I would break that tear-free streak.

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There are a lot of things I keep putting off but my excuse is always that I’m young. However, anyone can die at any time. I think we tell ourselves that life is short as a way to alleivate the burden of being alive. I’m saying this because a good friend of mine recently had to put down their dog. Suddenly his thoughts snowballed to all the things in his life he put off to do at a later time. It may be cliche to say that life is short or that we should live everyday like its our last. We should… but we don’t. We naturally assume there will be a tomorrow or even a tonight. But nothing is guaranteed

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But back to the point, I find it much easier to love my cat than it is to love another person. People are often untrustworthy, guarded, broken, and unreliable. Animals are different. They love unconditionally like I said before. It breaks my heart when I hear animals getting abused for that same reason. They still love their masters. Beautiful creatures submitted to live in the care of human beings. I love my baby girl. She had four babies of her own and had her little drama with the fellas. If Silly was human, she’d be a full-fledged woman!

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Look how elegant and adorable she is! Whenever I’m feeling low, she automatically sits on my lap and lets me hold her and pet her until I feel well enough to carry on with my day. Sometimes I wish she was human, but I fear that unconditional altruism will fade in the process. The average life expectancy for cats are around 10-15 years at the latest, I believe. Silly is almost three already. I always try to remember that most likely, I’m going to outlive her. I try to be okay with that and tell myself that nothing lasts forever, especially life itself. But who can be okay with that completely without choking up inside?

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Like a wise man once said, “always remember to get your pets spayed or neutered.” 😉
Have a wonderful day! Over and out.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

My imagination will die with me

All my unpublished novels, unheard original songs, unread poems, and my infamous views of the world are most likely are going to die with me. Blogging instills the illusion that I already met fame. I tried to establish a writing career only to be jibbed off by Xlibris Publishing. They only care about money. I tried to introduce my lyrics to a music industry but they never have the time to see me. They don’t want to hear it. The poems are more for myself but I like to share them from time to time just to see if anyone replies. My love is becoming imaginary. After everything I have been through, apathy is taking its course. After my ex told me he never loved me to being with, my walls are built once more. I have so much love to give but no one can live for real in fantasy. My imagination will die with me. I don’t know when, I don’t know where, but it seems my efforts to proclaim my dreams are futile. Even people I happen to keep in my life are starting to get bummed out by me now. It’s not like I want to give up because if I did, I would end my life. The fact that I haven’t done that yet should show the inevitable hope I garner that my imagination will become real and my goals in life will be worth it after all the trials and tribulations have finally ceased, if they ever will. My barber gave me an eyecut along with the haircut. The brush my barber used to wipe extra hair from my face without warning cut my eyeball. I had to go to the emergency room and it tooks six hours to be seen. I have to apply eye ointment every four hours for the next five days. Not eye drops. Ointment. Hardest medication to apply to the body. I guarantee it.  Before this happened, I got poison ivy recently when I participated in the church clean up last weekend. Is that what I get for helping the church? Then my sister-in-law asking me why I’m always suicidal. And I don’t like how she treats my brother but there’s nothing I can do about that. That all happened in one weeks time. It leaves me wondering what’s worse: my brother’s marriage or my chronic loneliness? I feel like everything I say will always be the tip of the iceberg. I had the same therapist for over two years. The only one that never gave up on me. She knows me more than anyone. Yet I don’t think I can ever express myself 100%. Maybe there’s a lot of things in life that just simply can’t be acknowledged verbally. A type of spiritual endeavor everyone faces. I need a spiritual guide or something. I’m so lost. I know I’m just bitching right now and I might sound like a teenage rebel, but believe it or not but this is helping me a lot right now. Im sitting in my apartment with all the lights off because my right eyeball is very sensitive to the light. My phone’s brightness as low as can be. My cat keeping me company. That unconditional love my feline friend and I share is the same way people should be but they’re not. Always building defenses and afraid to take the risk of letting anyone in. Anyway it’s like my emotional and psychological monstrosities are displaying themselves to my human vessel. A reflection of my depression as physical pain. I lost my mind years ago and it seems now all the other components that makes me who I am are starting to deteriorate as well. Who have I become? Job from the Bible? The darkness is taking over but my faith in God and my hope to save others like me by telling you all about me is good enough to keep on going. My imagination will die with me but hopefully my brave storytelling will help you on your own personal endeavors too. That is the grace God bestows upon me.

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Have a wonderful day, my fallen angels! Over and out.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! 🙂

What’s true vs. What’s right

Good morning my beautiful fallen angels! How are you on this lovely day? New adventures will be embarked on today just like any other day. Anyway, today, I would like to discuss the concept of truth versus the concept of righteousness. I haven’t been baptized before because I lived in a Muslim family growing up. But I’m planning on getting baptized sometime this Summer. Today I spoke with my priest again for the second Tuesday ever. I am still new in the ways of Christianity so he helps me with any questions I have (I have many questions! Lol) as well as discuss philosophy. I enjoy my little chats with Father Mark. One topic we came across was the difference between ethics and honesty. He told me a brief example. He said, “if it was still World War 2 times and you were harboring Jews in your cellar before the Nazis knocked on your door, would you lie to them and say no or tell them the truth?” It’s a question of conflict between the two concepts I mentioned already. Telling the truth saves the lives of the Jews while lying in itself is supposedly wrong. It’s got me to thinking about corruption in the world which when snowballed to the Illuminati. The coexistence of a truth and a lie and whose to argue that the Illuminati is right or wrong made our discussion a philosophical one. And if corruption in itself is the norm, then it defeats the very definition of corruption. My priest then tied the conversation back to the core topic at hand (my inevitable baptism) when I thought the conversation went on a huge tangent. He said, “we all walk on this road, while we carry the load, as we walk side by side towards the oriented (the way towards the light). Humans tend to stray away from the light sometimes but it’s up to us to not let our sins distract us from the way. What’s true and what’s right may differ from everyone and any given situation. But the majority of people believe that any decisions they make have a justifiable reason for being good even when it’s not. For the most part, we are doing the best we can.” I am spellbound by discussions I have with my priest or my clinician too. I prefer conversations pertaining to something bigger than ourselves rather than having to dumb myself down to talk to my peers about social media or celebrities. This is why I usually don’t associate with people in my own age group. It may be true as to what I’m saying about people my age but is it right to imply that they are normally naive? Or maybe it’s not true, that it’s just my general opinion? Who knows? I tend to generalize a lot regardless so perhaps it’s not true. I’m human just like everyone else and it’s not in my place to decide what’s right in comparison to what’s true in response to others. But it’s safe to say I can decide that for myself about myself. Well that was quite philosophical. Heed my words and have a wonderful day, my fallen angels! Over and out.