Dance of Death

We should hurry,

The cementary fills up early,

Everyone’s just dying to get in

To flirt with Death…

To take pleasure in his wrath…

To mock the face of the inevitable…

We should dance like we’re insane

As if no one knows our name.

The full moon makes the goons come out

To play the lyre our bodies sway to…

To scavenge for a pound of flesh from you…

To beg the walls to speak their truths…

We should decipher

These fiends’ crude behaviour.

Logic resonates within them all,

To seek amnesia at the bottom of the goblet…

To crawl out the holes of debt…

To revive when Friday’s work day ends…

We should commit suicide,

An egotistic demise,

Only then will we truly understand how

To live…

To laugh…

To love…

Happy 4th Birthday, Silly!

Silly,

It’s been over a year now since your previous owner gave you to me. I love you so so much! My life has been very tough, to say the least, up until now, and I know things will never be 100% better. However, since I adopted you as my own, I realized there’s this nurturing and loving side to me I never thought I had. People have screwed me over so many times. (I know I tend to generalize a lot…) I have a soft spot for animals. You are a vibrant creature, and I feel so grateful that you are in my life. Silly, baby, my little mama kitty, you are so loved, so very, very loved. You put a smile on my face every morning simply because you’re always there for me. I enjoy taking care of you, feeding you, petting you, playing with you…. Heck, I love you so much that I even enjoy changing your litter box. It’s good to know that the place that you do your business in is always nice and clean for you. And at night, I always look forward to you crawling on my tummy and laying there as I pet you slowly and tenderly. You are the light in the day’s beginning that revives me. You are the moon that reminds me that I am not alone even in my most darkest hour. Silly, you are a trustworthy roommate, a compassionate friend, and most of all, you are my little birthday girl! Happy 4th birthday! And may God bless you with many more! I love you!

The Next Phase

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Hello to my ever-changing fallen angels! I assumed this Summer would be quite bland for me, but time has proven that the contrary became true. I finally received my driver’s license after a whole year of practicing and after three failed attempts on the road test. In addition, I got a new job for the first time in over a year. Now I’m trying to save up for a car. I have a new and improved significant other. And I’m trying to move into a better apartment. Everything seems to be going well for me lately. Sorry that it has been almost a week since I last posted on here. The One-Eyed Angel has been very busy (and I hate to admit it, but I’m also currently suffering from writer’s block.) Please be patient. I love you all! I am nothing without my fallen angels! Have a wonderful day! Over and out.

To The Family

Abuelo is in a much better place than we’ll ever know.
Heaven is infinitely times better than where we are now.
So don’t be sad, everyone.

Be happy that he found peace.
And lived a full life with our huge family who loves him limitlessly.
His soul escaped the confinement of his human vessel to reach unfathomable heights.

Anything in life can be perceived negatively or positively.
Let yourself grieve and take that journey from the darkness of loss to the light of acceptance.
I am here for you all.

I try to make you all laugh in the expense of my atonement.
I am truly honored to be your jester if it will make you feel better even just for a moment.
I love you all more than you’ll ever know.

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Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

Through The Peephole

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Her eye spies through the peephole
Strange and unusual men
Exiting his home after they reach their goal,
Never to be seen again.

She had once thought
He was a good young man,
The one who lives across the hall.

They had once been very close
Until she became a nuisance.
Now he evades her like a ghost.

Her eye spies through the peephole
The police banging on his door.
It seems that the law has taken its toll
What were they here for him for?

She had once thought
He was a good young man,
The one who lives across the hall.

They were once there for each other
Until she went too far.
Now he doesn’t even bother.

Her eye spies through the peephole
As he leaves behind his chamber
To live his life playing an innocent role,
Fooling others like he fooled her.

She had once thought
He was a good young man,
The one who lives across the hall.

They were once best friends
Until he moved on from her.
Now her ancient life descends.

So her eye spies through the peephole
Because it’s all she’ll ever see.
Her golden years are lonely and dull
While his life is wild and free.

Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

CAUTION

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Hello to my cautious fallen angels! It’s been a while since I last checked in. I tend to write poetry and short stories, but there’s nothing wrong with that.

It’s Mother’s Day and the sadness wrecks havoc once again. I was an unusual child. My mother was afraid of me. She called me “the sick boy.” I spoke of death, misery, and hopelessness around the time my parents were divorced, and also during the time I began to get bullied in school. Then, trauma ensued and I became catatonic from the age of 10 to 18. I dressed in gothic garments, cut myself regularly, and tried to commit suicide whenever I was bored so she could keep me entertained. I blamed her for the loss of my innocence even though she didn’t do it directly.

I used to have sex with gangsters for drugs and pickpocket strangers on the streets to survive. My mother was a whore, and there was never food in the house. I went in and out of psych wards, residentials, group homes, and state hospitals. I got expelled from four different high schools before I finally graduated.

By then, my mother no longer bothered visiting me, let alone keeping me entertained. She gave up on me. I am the “Jason Todd”* of her four children.

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*Jason Todd was the second Robin after Dick Grayson. He was murdered by The Joker. Then, he was resurrected by the use of Ra's Al Ghul's Lazarus Pit. Jason Todd became a villain called The Red Hood.

Now I am a grown man. And every Mother’s Day that comes and goes relinquishes the mental bind I constructed to keep these horrid memories at bay.

I am socially rejected by almost every social group dynamic I have come across throughout the years. I am guarded and I hardly let anyone in. I portray this dark persona but I believe myself to be very gentle and kind. I must be cautious at all times. It’s days like today that never let me forget why I always exercise CAUTION.

Well, just because I hate Mother’s Day due to association by my own life’s experience, it doesn’t mean you feel the same way. At that note, I wish you all a Happy Mother’s Day!

Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

Between Two Neighbors

 

To my right lives Esperanza:

Something about her summons the demon within me as we raze hell

Is it her skin,

So alabaster –

As if she doesn’t have an expiration date?

Or is it her obsidian curls –

Tendrils of darkness drawing me into her world?

Whatever it is,

Esperanza bangs her pots and pans every night

To deafening and ostentatious music

But I’m too afraid to confront her about it…

 

To my left lives Alegria:

Something about her ascends the angel within me into the gates of heaven

Is it her skin,

So suntanned –

As if she traveled the world and lived to the fullest?

Or is it her blonde braids –

Bright ropes pulling me into her world?

Whatever it is,

Alegria meditates with her back against the wall every night

To peaceful and amicable music

But I’m too afraid to commend her on it…

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Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

Walking on Water

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Savage winds were sirens
beckoning me to die
Ghastly lightning strikes
Pinned me down near the oars
They plunged into the briny deep
Laughing thunder mocked my helpless cries
I screamed in agony
So sure of my demise
Lo and behold!
Beneath the stormy clouds was a standing man
He wore a shimmering ivory gown
With hair a trough of milk chocolate trails
“Do you have faith in me?” He asked as if I can
Despite this chaotic typhoon brewing
I honestly answered in affirmation
So he extended his right arm
He announced for me to walk towards him
Goosebumps coiled around my arms in response
A flash of undeniable beauty
Relinquished all doubt
So I tentatively placed my right foot forward
Onto the ocean’s surface
And removed the other
From the canoe’s uncertainty
Now I was a standing man
Gazing fondly at the original
My eyes never veered away from him
His exuberance negated disorder
Waves were crashing all about
Yet now the natural world respected me
Until fear pulled its hold on me once more
I began to panic and shriek
Pausing midway to close my eyes
Enprisoning my soul within my gates again
Old habits die hard
Longer than a blink
I awoke on a ship
Recalling a lustrous illusion
Gone but true

Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

Xrotica: The Return of Dee

 

Around three months had passed since I’ve shared my body with Dee. I jacked off every night thinking about all our various sexual encounters in the past. The time we fucked in a deserted park at two o’clock in the morning. All the times he swallowed my load. That time he let me cum on his face as I screamed out “that’s all, folks!”

Dee was the best sex I ever had.

There’s a part of me that’s hurt that he’s married and didn’t tell me until over a year after our physical relationship began. But I care about him deeply and I know any love I have for him won’t be reciprocated, at least not fully. However, I accepted the way things were.

Sometimes, Dee backs off from me months at a time because by now, he can tell when I’m starting to get too attached to him. I can tell he feels bad that I have these feelings he can’t return, but he cannot deny the pure sexual chemistry that we garner for one another.

He messaged me on Growlr that morning by unlocking his private photos followed by a “hey.” My initial reaction was to be upset, but I knew he kept his distance for a good reason. Once I saw his picture of his bare ass in a jockstrap and one of his beautiful penis, I confessed my undying lust for him almost immediately. So we agreed to meet that evening after I came back from college for the day. Eventually, the time came, cued by the “im here” message ding on the app.

I rushed downstairs to retrieve him, but I paused before I turned the corner. I took a deep breath. I allowed a few seconds to pass with absolute silence and anticipation before I opened the locked door for him. I thought about just grabbing him and making out with him right there in the lobby, but I fought that urge and played it cool. We exchanged a bit of small talk while climbing up the two flights of stairs to my apartment.

Waiting for us was the plethora of pornos and condoms I liked to display on the table prior to his arrival.

I told him calmly to get himself comfortable. As I turned around to put my shoes away, he hugged me and I hugged him back. I almost forgot how his hugs felt. He was a gay bear and I was his gay cub. I rubbed my face on his beard. I noticed he grew a few grey hairs since the last time we fucked. It was cute. I kissed his neck a bit until after I felt my dick twitching, engorged with excitement.

Before it went far, he subtly ended the embrace and gave me a present from the contents of his backpack. It was a black and yellow jockstrap. It reminded me of Batman. Oh, how I love Batman… It was the second jockstrap Dee ever gave me and I loved it. Dee pulled some other stuff out from his backpack: lube, some weed, and poppers (I think that’s what they’re called; the nose stuff you inhale to get high).

Then, he mentioned he needed to rinse off in my shower and I said that was fine.

I sat there on the couch playing with myself and watching this porno where the central premise was older men fucking younger men. I enjoyed the company of older men than I did with guys my age. It’s always been that way. When I was a child, it was my dad at home or my male teachers at school that satisfied me. Then it was my ex whose 40 now. Mind you, I’m turning 22 next week. Anyway, Dee came out the shower and quickly dried himself off with my towel. He appeared completely nude. I didn’t know if it was my imagination or if I wasn’t paying enough attention before but he had a lot of tattoos. The only tattoo he had that I was definitely familiar with was the bear paw on his right buttcheek because I liked to hit it.

Dee put his clothes back on so we can catch up and update each other about our lives. Sometimes I wished we didn’t talk like that because it made it more difficult to contain my emotions. We began to smoke some weed and inhale the poppers. My head was swimming! I started laughing uncontrollably. Dee thought it was cute. Then, we made out heavy. My tongue explored his in ways I only imagined doing in the last few months. I exchanged a torrent of kisses all over his face and neck. His collarbone was quite prominent for a man his size. Dee’s skin was so soft beneath my hungry fingertips.

I got off him abruptly. He stood up and pulled his dick out of his bright red boxer briefs. I grabbed it and shoved it vigorously into my mouth. I hugged his waist as I took brief breaks by licking his balls and fingering him. I licked the shaft of his cock, teasing him for a few seconds before continuing to indulge in sexual intoxication. He kept putting the poppers near my nose for me to inhale. I kept getting headrushes and his cock stifled my stoner laughs.

Suddenly, he told me to stop so he wouldn’t cum too soon and ushered me up so we stood up and made out even more. I wanted us to last as long as possible without cumming but that wasn’t an easy task for either of us.

I suggested we resume on my bed. He laid down on his back and then I climbed on top of him. My breathing heaved in unleashed desire while we continued our kiss. Dee sat up slowly so that I was sitting on his lap. My legs stretched on either side of his hips. He pushed me on my back and took hold of my inflated cock. Woooooowww!!!! I loved giving head but being a bottom verse, it was rare for a guy to want to suck me off for a change. I felt his tongue latch onto my foreskin before he peeled it back. This gorilla knew how to unpeel a banana without his hands. His tongue went in circles! Clockwise… counterclockwise…. He put both my balls into his mouth until it was as if it just hit him that my asshole was a couple inches away. Good thing I do yoga regularly because he held my legs way back in order to eat my ass out like he was a homeless man at a free buffet. Daaaammmmnnnnn!!! I liked getting my ass rimmed a bit more than getting head. I kept inhaling the poppers every few minutes. Dee alternated between tasting my dick and my ass. It felt like ecstasy! I haven’t felt that good in so long! I forgot about my ex, my homework, and all my worries and fears.

After what felt like forever, he shimmied over me so that his dick was in my face. I arched my neck to reach for it with just my lips. He fucked my face good. I breathed through my nose and tapped his thigh every time I gagged. He grabbed my head and fucked it deeper and faster. We 69’d for a while until his fear of a premature orgasm came back. He pulled away. I wanted it back in my mouth but I knew it was better to hold off of sucking him for a little bit. We got up again, and Dee went on his knees and had seconds. My sexy bear loved to eat and I wasn’t gonna deprive him of my food. I thought I was gonna cum so I stopped him and made him lay on his stomach. I ate him out while tracing his bear paw tattoo. I spread those cheeks far apart and just stared at his bare ass for a moment. Next time I have enough money to spare, I’m gonna get a bear paw on each of my buttcheeks and I’ll make sure that another sexy bear applies it. I stared into his gaping asshole. So hairy and pink and beautiful. I tried to memorize how it looked with my spit all over it so I could jerk off to that memory later that night. I gnawed at every area just outside his hole before heading right back into it. I reached for a condom and his bottle of lube and smeared his ass with it. I put on the condom fast but swiftly. Dee arched his back just a little so that I had better access to penetration. I always knew when the car entered the garage whenever he moaned in surprise. The bed was rapidly shaking as I laid on top of him and shoved his head on one side. Every time he moved his head, I shoved it back to the position I wanted it to be in. He kept groaning louder as I was in balls deep. I kissed his neck and whispered, “you like when a cub dominates you, huh, papi?” Dee nodded earnestly before I went faster. All this excitement kept making my dick slip out too many times. So we decided to just jerk off in each other’s arms. I stared into his dark brown eyes, not once did they blink. Sometimes, my line of sight veered to his dick and his impatient hands, so eager to achieve orgasm. He hovered over me as his hot load squirted onto my tummy, chest, and neck. Dee fingered me a bit before I came too. I moaned loudly as my cum started off landing on my thighs and stomach until the last of it blinded me completely. It splashed everywhere.

I wanted Dee to consume both our nonexistent children but he told me before that he had limited time before he had to go to a social gathering. It sucked that I didn’t have mouthwash at the time or else he probably would have cleaned my body of the moist, transparent fluid oozing down the sides of my body before it meandered down onto my bedsheets. He went into my bathroom as I wiped myself off with my jizz rag instead.

I laid there for a minute listening to my sink run and this sadness began to encase my thoughts once more. I didn’t want Dee to leave. I hated when he had to leave. But this was the sacrifice I had to make in order to maintain our beneficial friendship. I never knew when he’ll come back or if he’ll decide I’m getting too attached to him again. So once he was dressed, I asked if we can make this a weekly thing. Dee always saw through my smile and noticed my sad, puppy eyes that it attempted to hide. He hugged me once more and promised me that he would text me the next day. He knew I would miss him. Due to radical acceptance, I had to accept that he was married and that it was my choice to endure the pain of his absence along with the pleasure of his ongoing arrival.

The sex was so intense that Dee lost the top to his poppers vial. So he left behind the dried up remnants of it on my bathroom sink. He assured me that it was okay shortly after I began looking for it. Dee made sure he had everything he came in with apart from the jockstraps he gave me as well. I was already dressed, prepared to walk him down to his car, but he told me it was good enough to say goodbye in my apartment. I bade him farewell before he departed as our fuck session was in the beginning stages of becoming just another distant memory.

 

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Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian