What is Happiness?

Is happiness the blissful ignorance we feel as a child,
Nestled on the breast that can make or break you,
Completely oblivious to the pain one could inflict upon another,
Unknowing of all those horrible things –
Dark…
Awful…
Traumatic…
– The freedom to playfully run around aimlessly?
Is happiness anything but ordinary?
Is happiness only a child’s emotion?

Perhaps happiness is the light at the end of the tunnel.
Maybe it’s felt after all the realizations and epiphanies,
After all the sorrow in response to external pain
As you escape the arms of your childhood –
The soft pillow repelling the monster under the bed…
The cotton candy rush before the stomach ache…
The ice cream-filled dreams…
– All torn asunder.
Raging thunder,
Body stretched beyond its limits;
Mind palliated on the walls you guard yourself with the older you get.
Is happiness the effect following the cause of the drastic mistakes you made,
The lessons you learned?
Is happiness coming to terms with accepting the loss,
The trauma and its memories set on repeat,
The weaknesses exposed?
Is happiness a weight lifted off your shoulders,
Forgiving your aggressor,
Grateful for a fate never replicating Atlas’s eternal curse?
Is it the first breath after darkness subsides,
And all that remains is contention?
Is happiness… love found in a hopeless place?
Is happiness anything but ordinary?
Is it only an adult emotion?

What is happiness?
Fleeting spurts of joy
Greater than the sum of its parts –
Constant…
Spontaneous…
Sporadic…?
The sensation you feel when something finally goes your way?
Is it a sense of independence,
Knowing you no longer need to rely on anyone else for your own survival?
When all that we strive for are superficial
For they are the only certain things?
Is happiness anything but ordinary?
Is it only an authentic emotion?

Is it only obtainable in ultimate reality?
Is it only felt after you pass this test of life with flying colors?
Is happiness being gentle and kind against all odds
In a world that wasn’t designed to harbor any permanent solutions?
Does being dead on the inside count for anything at all?
Is happiness only a cadaver’s emotion?

Can anyone obtain happiness?
Is it up for grabs?
First come first serve basis
Or are only the lucky ones destined to be happy?
Can some be impervious to happiness?
Is it an oasis discovered after wandering through the desert all alone,
Dehydrated to near death?
Is loneliness the opposite of happiness
Or is it one and the same?
What is happiness?
Is it anything but ordinary?
Can I be happy?

Wild And Wicked

Hello to my wild and wicked fallen angels! I have been following thesarahdoughty for quite a while now. She is a brilliant and strong writer! I highly recommend that you check out this post from her as well as any other content from her blog. Please read it! I hope you enjoy “Wild and Wicked” by thesarahdoughty! 🙂

Sarah Doughty

It was the wickedness of your soul
that drew me to you. That wild glimmer
in your eyes, held me captive. Every breath
was a gentle whispering, like a hummingbird
in flight. Together, we conquered. Together,
we prevailed. Together, time was our enemy.
At last, together, we lost it all.

© Sarah Doughty

For the #MayBookPrompts – And Then There Were None

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The War on Grindr Hill

Being a whore is like fighting in a war,
You have to convince yourself that man is nothing but an object.
I always hope that he will burst into life and sweep me off my feet
Yet I anticipate that he never will.
He’s like me;
He’s dead inside.
Shooting him with my loaded gun would be redundant.
I wish there was a blue fairy to animate him,
But if wishes were horses,
We’d all ride.
Thoughts of “no expectations” never reach the surface
For the battlefield is too violent.
I’ll never be the same again.
It changes me forever.
No going back.
My looks aren’t everything.
I may be handsome,
But I’m not Helen of Troy.
So I must retreat into the catacombs upon my noble steed,
Or at least try.
This war will only result in bloodshed.
I have faith that peace is on the other side of every warrior’s descent.
The good is never easy,
The easy never good.

Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

A Surreal Memory I Sometimes Wish Would Just Go Away

I would try to rekindle a relationship with an old flame. He broke my heart several times before but I kept giving him chances I later realized he didn’t deserve. Being held in his arms was familiar and comfortable yet I knew it wouldn’t last at that point. The only times he smiled was when I was losing my mind. The confusion, the need for his validation, and this ongoing obsession made me resort to sleeping with random men when he wasn’t there. Anything to try to replicate the original high only he could fully satisfy. I would zone out to the times those arms wanted nothing to do with me, and I was completely aware that a simple statement could make the beautiful illusion collapse once more.

It’s been almost two years, but the psychological abuse still affects me to this day. I don’t know anyone else in my life who was also a victim of a Narcissist. This feeling of loneliness persists like a chronic addiction. This depression is like withdrawal from a drug I sometimes would rather just get in the habit of doing again. Yet the drug itself wants nothing to do with me anymore. It never reciprocated my love for it. The Narcissistic supply he needed from me is depleted. He is my special brand of narcotics I can’t find anywhere else while I am just another generic drug he probably already replaced by now.

* This link convinced me that it was best to stay away.

Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

Salvation X

Salvation I     Salvation II     Salvation III     Salvation IV     Salvation V      Salvation VI          Salvation VII     Salvation VIII     Salvation IX

The moment I said I was a pessimist,
I knew it was a lie.
Once I realized everyone has vulnerabilities and weaknesses too,
I decided to hell with it.
I’m sick of hiding in the shadows.
For what?
I don’t feel I have anything to lose.
I don’t care what people think.
The world doesn’t owe me anything.
I’m free from fear and society’s standards for what is considered tolerable or deviant.
The time eventually arrived
When all that was left to do was to roll the dice
Rather than remain confined in my psyche’s aegis captivity,
For it had been more scrutinizing
Than the gamble it took to soar.
I relish in the boffo of freedom!

Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

Urgent Wanting

I am merely a social whore
Belonging to everyone and no one
Expecting so much more
Even after it’s all said and done

I love and destroy everything I know
Fear locks me in behind the door
I peer through sorrow’s hold out the keyhole
And into an Elysium I never felt before

Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

Borderlines and Narcissism

I told him I love him
He said “so love me”

I told him I miss him
He said “so miss me”

I told him I need him
He said “so need me”

I asked him “do you love me?”
He replied “I love your excessive admiration”

I asked him “do you miss me?”
He replied “I miss my sense of entitlement”

I asked him “do you need me?”
He whispered “I need your undivided attention”

Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

To The Family

Abuelo is in a much better place than we’ll ever know.
Heaven is infinitely times better than where we are now.
So don’t be sad, everyone.

Be happy that he found peace.
And lived a full life with our huge family who loves him limitlessly.
His soul escaped the confinement of his human vessel to reach unfathomable heights.

Anything in life can be perceived negatively or positively.
Let yourself grieve and take that journey from the darkness of loss to the light of acceptance.
I am here for you all.

I try to make you all laugh in the expense of my atonement.
I am truly honored to be your jester if it will make you feel better even just for a moment.
I love you all more than you’ll ever know.

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Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

What Love Means To Me

The only thing that once made me smile everyday
Was knowing that I’m going to die someday,
That I’m not immortal,
That I’m not a vampire,
So trapped in their own power.

Now I feel accompanied in this misery with you,
I’m so enticed with every word thought and deed that you do.
Don’t think I never want to be around you anymore,
I’d rather us be miserable together
Than ever having to pretend we’re not

Because I am so in love with you

Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

Through The Peephole

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Her eye spies through the peephole
Strange and unusual men
Exiting his home after they reach their goal,
Never to be seen again.

She had once thought
He was a good young man,
The one who lives across the hall.

They had once been very close
Until she became a nuisance.
Now he evades her like a ghost.

Her eye spies through the peephole
The police banging on his door.
It seems that the law has taken its toll
What were they here for him for?

She had once thought
He was a good young man,
The one who lives across the hall.

They were once there for each other
Until she went too far.
Now he doesn’t even bother.

Her eye spies through the peephole
As he leaves behind his chamber
To live his life playing an innocent role,
Fooling others like he fooled her.

She had once thought
He was a good young man,
The one who lives across the hall.

They were once best friends
Until he moved on from her.
Now her ancient life descends.

So her eye spies through the peephole
Because it’s all she’ll ever see.
Her golden years are lonely and dull
While his life is wild and free.

Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian