PSYCHOSIS

Good afternoon to my psychotic fallen angels! It took only so much turmoil to finally surrender my sanity. As a child, I cared a lot about how my classmates and how my family members perceived me. None of them are in my life now. I’m starting to form a theory that depression, loneliness, selfishness, paranoia, and fear are default emotions while any positivity only comes around when you really, really try to find it. Or perhaps this theory is biased because it stems from purely my own life experience. Who the hell knows? I like to consider myself a philosopher (an existentialist and an extreme neutralist). In other words, I believe that “human nature” is a myth and that I can do anything I want as long as I don’t break the law. I fall into many other categories that tie into the fabled “human nature” but one category that seems to be one of the new minority focusses in America is stigma pertaining to mental health. I lost track of how many mental health problems I have. The system was the only family I was fond of as an adolescent. Psych wards, state hospitals, residentials, group homes, you name it, I’ve been there. At least I never have to worry about getting drafted for the military. Psychosis is one of the diagnosis I garner. It is a severe mental disorder in which thought and emotions are so impaired that contact is lost with external reality. Oh wells! I know people say I shouldn’t let my mental health problems define who I am, but I don’t mind. I enjoy it. I’m not joking nor being sarcastic. I really love my mental health problems. I would just be another boring person in this world’s contradictory existence. They give me character and depth and uniqueness to the essence of who I am. Embrace your fears. Become your fears. I used to be so ashamed of myself. Look at me now. And did you know Batman was actually afraid of bats? He embraced the bat. He became the bat. Think about that next time you host a pity party that no one will RSVP to. There’s only one you. Learn to enjoy your own company. Have a wonderful day! Over and out.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

#FML #KMN

Hello to my bitter fallen angels! I’m sick of being fucking positive all the time! I’m an introverted loner inches away from oblivion. I don’t care about how anyone is doing. And I hate every single fucking holiday except Halloween. Fortunately Halloween is coming up soon. I just wanna scare the shit out of everyone I come across. Let the real me come out one day of the year. Ugly ass strangers on the streets staring at me. “What the fuck do you want from me?” Sexy guys who think they’re too good for me. “Fine! I hope you find someone who will abuse you, you fucking bastard!” Some people say they love me. Yeah fucking right! When I’m trying to be positive and joking around, it’s easy to be around me, huh fucker? But when shit hits the fan, everyone in my boring ass life ceases to exist. “This dude is crazy as hell…” I can hear your thoughts slowly dying as you selfishly walk away. Paying bills, going to school, working, and sleeping practically makes up people’s days so how does anyone have time for anyone else? Fuck my life. Kill me now. This is why I have had writer’s block for days now. Because I was attempting to think of more positive bullshit to write about until I realized my tolerance for other people’s existence is wasted away by now. We live in a world where your own mother can be your archnemesis, where a man says he loves you one day and ghost out the next, where discrimination and abuse are the norm. This world sucks! Life is meaningless! People with mental health problems will never be accepted into society and will forever be on the receiving end of ridicule. Blasphemy! Freedom my ass! The cashier at my local grocery store is such a bitch! The man at my local post office is an asshole! Yet they have jobs and I don’t! Suicide Hotline ain’t shit. My boss says I’m not even good enough to be an operator cus I need further training! Fuck you, slut! Am I not adequate enough for you?! “Don’t sugarcoat it. Tell me how you really feel?” Lol! I’m not suicidal or anything. I’m just one of the few select people on the world who have come to terms with the harsh truth that loneliness is the realest thing there is. I think I’m just gonna be Mr. Scrooge for the hopeless remainder of my life. I don’t give a fuck! I’m content with Loneliness. The only guy I sleep with at night. I haven’t had sex in three weeks now. I found out the man I started to have feelings for was already married. But it’s an open marriage so it’s okay… What the fuck do you want from me then? To be your mistress?! Fuck outta here! At this time, that would be better than nothing. Let’s call the adulterer, shall we? I had a job interview with some fat asshole asking me why I wanna work there. “To pop bottles on the weekends and buy shit. What the fuck you mean ‘why?'” He said he’ll call me but I doubt he will. He told me himself he hates people in general. More than I do, if that’s even humanly possible. I was disappointed when the world didn’t end in 2012. Seconds until the ball dropped and I was giddy with excitement for I thought I was finally going to meet Death. Unfortunately the world still goes ’round. My New Year’s resolution every year since was to lose weight. I have been working out a lot but of to no avail. I can keep going on and on. This world gives me infinite reasons to hate it. If you made it through my psychotic rantings, then congratulations! Have a wonderful day! Over and out.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂