Bear Minimum

I prod the wound until it weeps. The pain seems so familiar, yet I know for a fact that I never experienced this before.

A car engine roars to life in the driveway just a few feet from my bedroom window. Wheels grind on the asphalt until the engine’s noise diminishes little by little until there is nothing left.

Screams echo throughout the alcove. It took God knows how long before I realize I am the source of such grotesque sounds.

I quickly learn how to walk again before I reach the bathroom. Both my hands hold on to the edge of the sink so tight that my knuckles feel like they are going to burst out of my skin. Courage aids me in the daunting task of gazing into the mirror before me. Black and blue tints circumvents both my eyes like a sad clown at a pity party. My lower lip is split open. My body aches because it took on more than it could handle.

Blood and semen soaked my white briefs. I should have rinsed off before putting them back on. I’m drenched in sweat and tears.

I could have tried to fight him back, but I didn’t. I let him use me as a means to relinquish his sexual frustrations. He had to compensate for my mother’s gradual act of abstinence. Besides, I’ve always been prettier than my mother. I am honored that he chose me over her, even if it was just for a little while. It felt right knowing that I hurt her when he was hurting me. He needed release and I was the easy target to endure his relentless onslaught of rage.

I could barely feel anything. My mind is numb. That’s its way of dealing with all the complex emotions excreting from the black and blue. Those are my two favorite colors.

I smirk at my reflection in realization of this opaque satisfaction.

Once Innocence Lost

I was so frail until I fell into your mind,
But fate never pulled me out from its bind.
A think tank I drown in for so damn long.
Your dominion that reigns over me is so strong.

Beat me.
Spit on me.
Tell me I’m scum.

Rape me.
Scream at me.
Until you cum.

You convince me I’m nothing whether you’re here or not.
You might as well raze me here now, my sexy stoic robot.

I was an innocent little boy until I fell for you hard.
I sold my soul when I put down my guard.
Your arms I wore like a wedding dress.
Ivory silk drips underneath to caress.

Grab me.
Don’t kiss me.
Make me your bitch.

Sedate me.
Don’t date me.
Until your dick twitch.

You sold me spare parts of a heart non-existent.
Yet I’ll forever remain perplexingly persistent.

I was so ambitious until I fell on your facade.
Down on my knees as if you were God.
My religion is you because I’m a little monster.
Not once did doubt show you were an imposter.

Choke me.
Condemn me.
Drag me to hell.

Fuck me.
Lie to me.
My body’s for sale.

You made me believe faith is a waste of time.
Even life itself gives me something to deny.

Truth Serum

When I was 6,

I wished I was a newborn,

When all I worried about was eating, sleeping,

And excreting waste,

 

When I was 10,

I wished I was 6,

When all I was afraid of was going to grade school for the first time

And missing my mom until I returned home,

 

When I was 14,

I wished I was 10,

When all I thought about were the terrifying times I spent alone with my stepdad

And missing my mom until she returned home,

 

When I was 18,

I wished I was 14,

When all I reminisced about was how I secretly enjoyed being abused like a masochist

And missing the only sexual escapade I had throughout my school years,

 

When I was 21,

I wished I was 18,

When I was forced to be exiled because my mom thought my dad’s replacement made me gay

And hoping there was more to life than this,

 

When I am 30,

I will wish I was 21,

When all I can recall will be how my ex-fiance severely broke my heart

And how he wonderfully psychologically tormented me,

 

When I am 39,

I will wish I was 30,

When I’ll realize that I am the same age as when my first love left in peace

And left me in pieces,

 

When I am 50,

I will wish I was 39,

When I can remember fondly how agile and resilient I once was

And wondering how I didn’t kill myself a lot sooner

 

When I am 69,

I will not look back anymore,

For dementia will consume my mind’s occupancy leaving behind the fact that my age will be one of my favorite sexual positions

And in total relief that I will die any day now

 

 

 

 

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The Talk: A Raw Truth

Conception:

When a man and a woman love each other very much…

When a man unconsensually forces himself on a woman…

When a woman is infertile and must resort to artificial insemination…

When a condom breaks and a white elephant looms over two people…

Tribulation:

The number one cause of death is birth…

Your parents cannot shield you from harm forever…

You must learn life lessons the hard way, alone…

Being too sheltered from the real world will make hardship unbearable when you finally do experience it…

Annihilation:

Your first love will destroy your heart in ways you couldn’t fathom prior…

Yet it’s so worth it for it truly is better to have loved and lost than to not…

You grow stronger, wiser, and more resilient from losses rather than victories…

So good luck on your personal endeavors and have a wonderful day, my fallen angels…

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

Cycle of Hurt

When will the cycle of hurt end?

Distorted beauty hard to mend.

Broken homes white elephants,

Due to revenge and pelvic dents

Source of vampire’s elixir,

Heartbreak dependence to liquor,

Numb the pain traumatic moments,

Due to revenge and pelvic dents,

Abscond the miasma once more,

Yearning to leave but too damn poor,

Trapped complacent establishments,

Due to revenge and pelvic dents,

Past and future doesn’t exist,

Standard deviations persist,

The mean reflects our achievements,

Due to revenge and pelvic dents

Logical Fallacies

If it’s wrong to be evil, one should strive to be good.

The existence of evil influences good.

Therefore, one should strive to be evil.


If marriage is the American dream, Americans want to get married.

Gay marriage was legalized in America.

Therefore, Americans want to take part in gay marriage.


If you have unprotected sex, you can have babies.

Rape can also lead to having babies.

Therefore rape is unprotected sex.


If you fall in love, you will be blind.

And blindness cannot be cured.

Therefore love cannot be cured.


If you have depression, then you are a black sheep.

Black sheep are a disgrace.

Therefore depression is a disgrace.


If God created the devil, the devil is God’s creation.

Mankind is also God’s creation.

Therefore mankind is the devil.


Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

One Bad Day

I sat confined within the metal bars compressing me to a condensed version of an ambivalent world. Psychologist-infested daily routines didn’t always comprise my life’s entirety. It only took one bad day to rid me of my innocence forever.
Shadows spilled underneath my cot, behind the rusted toilet several paces away, and they ran away from the fluorescent lights twitching out in the corridor.
Red eyes glowed at night to accompany the darkness I fed earnestly throughout the day. It was an effective way to lose weight.
Years passed and so has three in-mates that took the pleasure of being my roommate. It came to the point where my past branched off into infinite alternate realities. That happens when you reach a certain age. Memories evolve into better or worse things depending on your mood.
I haven’t been outside since I moved in. The normies in their hospital scrubs always shut out the outside because I don’t deserve it anymore. All the other Malvolos lost their rights to freedom too, they kid around with me.
At a certain time of day, the leader of the normies announce from the walls that the lights must go out. We retreat back into our catacombs while being driven out of the community room like cattle.
I don’t bother talking to the other outsiders because I sleep alone regardless. Nothing new happened since The Assault. So I laid in the dark letting the last remnants of my eluded past reframe my dreams once more.
The Sun always radiates as bright as I remember. Maybe it was a tad bit brighter back then. The birds chirp as they perch themselves onto the trees my mother constantly refused to cut down. Her baby blue car is warming up in the driveway. My older brother (always was taller than me) sits in the front seat while my mother says her goodbyes to my stepdad. She is plotting against me with him. Then she glances at me, massaging her back and leaning on her scepter, and asks me if I’m positively sure if I want to stay at home instead of going with them to the local supermarket. I assure her that grocery shopping with her was as boring as school.
Then suddenly it’s nighttime and I skip forward past the awkward stage of puberty into the fathoms of adulthood. I’m closing up shop. Putting away spare boxes into the complacent shelves. I walk up to the entryway door to transform the “come on in, we’re open” sign to the “sorry, we’re closed” sign. But there’s this really sexy twink knocking softly on the glass. I yell out that we’re closed but he insisted on coming in to talk to me. He wants me to do it to him, I’m positive.
So the car drives itself away like fate so anxiously wanting to lay down its foundation. I give a quick smile to my stepdad just to be polite before going into my room to play some videogames. But that smile I flash at him is a green light for him to pursue me.
I lead him to my office in the basement where I let the cobwebs materialize out of thin air. The young man looks so happy with his manila folder (most likely holding his resume) gently against his chest. He says he heard a lot about me from the press and assures me that he wants nothing more than to work for me.
I just want to go home. But he sits down across from me. He unzips his white jacket, beckoning me to admire his physique. Then he carefully hangs his hoodie on my coat rack. His shirt is a v-neck. The young man has tempting-looking chest hair. It is more than obvious that he yearns for my touch.
He knocks on my door and told me to help him clean up the house to surprise my mother when she gets home. I reply if he pays me money, I’ll do whatever he wants me to do. My stepdad giggles playfully as he barges into my room and unplugs my game console. That is the last straw. He answers my unexisting plea to take away my virginity. It sucks cus the least he can do is pay me afterwards but sometimes he doesn’t.
I get up soon after the young man sat down to lock my office door for privacy from my employees who went to their respective homes an hour before. I tell him that I’m not currently hiring at this point in time but I can reconsider if he admits he’ll do anything if I pay him to do it. I stole his smile. A scared expression is left behind on his face while I tear his smile off his porcelain face.
Masturbation had lost its fun since I no longer had an audience. The buzzing of the night light kept me up all night long. I didn’t sleep a wink. I crack myself up sometimes as my laughter fills the empty void. Just when I think I lost my mind entirely, I lose it a little bit more. I can no longer plant this seed anywhere other than my bedsheets. My bed wanted me to cultivate this undead garden, hardening along with the red eyes across the room reminding me that I had an audience after all. A sexy doctor peeked into my room, beckoning me to take his smile away from him too.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

Boy Toy

The rapist led me to my therapist,
He said I’m beyond repair,
For me to take these pills,
Sedate the roots of my despair,

Men will be the death of me,
He said I’m incomplete,
For me to sabotage myself,
Abandon flout sanity,

Prior trauma soaked ’til soggy,
He said I’m better off,
For me to disown hope,
And leave my life to chance aloft,

Even benign recollection,
He said that love dies,
For me to toss my halo,
Downgrade to a carnival prize,

Negligence is winning the lottery,
He said it beats abuse,
For me to undeceive,
Mediocre sex ties my noose,

Patriarchy exists no more,
He likes to walk away,
For me to learn my lesson,
Mourning to morning night to day,

Married guys their spouse a nuisance,
He wants a change of pace,
For me his younger model,
Now he wants to redeem his space,

I’m just someone men take frustration on,
He said it’s our little secret,
For me to keep it shut,
And leave it open when he needs it

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂

I’ve survived worse

Abused in every possible way,
Isn’t life wonderful and great?
But I can still smile everyday,
There’s no need to hold grudges and hate,
Penance is free it’s never too late,
To let things go like Elsa taught us,
Losing faith in the idea of a soulmate,
I’ve survived worse no need to fuss,

Everyone thinks it’s easy to cope,
Because they can’t even begin to understand,
How hard it is to still have hope,
Just to get out of bed and to make a stand,
Everyone takes my arm whenever I offer a hand,
I would be a hypocrite but at least I wouldn’t be a wuss,
Now I am grown maybe I’ll start a band,
I’ve survived worse no need to fuss,

Trust issues and paranoia are my favorite trends,
So used to betrayal both betrayer and betrayed,
So who am I to be vengeful when I’m on the receiving ends?
Life is short and unfair cliches never astrayed,
Survival is success for rape won’t stop me from getting laid,
Never again will I have to step foot on a school bus,
Doesn’t matter anymore for people always tend to fade,
I’ve survived worse no need to fuss,

Now I deal with the repercussions of my past,
My legacy is everlasting self-reflection is a must,
Who will I let in next? Will they ever last?
I’ve survived worse no need to fuss

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading 🙂