Savage winds were sirens
beckoning me to die
Ghastly lightning strikes
Pinned me down near the oars
They plunged into the briny deep
Laughing thunder mocked my helpless cries
I screamed in agony
So sure of my demise
Lo and behold!
Beneath the stormy clouds was a standing man
He wore a shimmering ivory gown
With hair a trough of milk chocolate trails
“Do you have faith in me?” He asked as if I can
Despite this chaotic typhoon brewing
I honestly answered in affirmation
So he extended his right arm
He announced for me to walk towards him
Goosebumps coiled around my arms in response
A flash of undeniable beauty
Relinquished all doubt
So I tentatively placed my right foot forward
Onto the ocean’s surface
And removed the other
From the canoe’s uncertainty
Now I was a standing man
Gazing fondly at the original
My eyes never veered away from him
His exuberance negated disorder
Waves were crashing all about
Yet now the natural world respected me
Until fear pulled its hold on me once more
I began to panic and shriek
Pausing midway to close my eyes
Enprisoning my soul within my gates again
Old habits die hard
Longer than a blink
I awoke on a ship
Recalling a lustrous illusion
Gone but true
Good morning to my blessed fallen angels! I finally got baptized today! It’s been long-awaited. (Aww! Look at me in my church clothes as opposed to my gothic garb.) I’m officially an Episcopalian now! I love my church family! I love God! People can disappoint me, betray me, neglect me, abuse me, avoid me, judge me, use me, and hurt me but I’m so happy to give myself up to The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit. I never have to worry about God doing any of those things to me that people have done time and time again. It’s all trials and tribulations. It’s expected to go through hardship in life in one way or another. I am definitely not an exception to that biblical rule. I have no regrets, no held grudges, and no hatred towards anyone or anything. Everything I have been through (“The Sufie Saga”) led me to this moment. My mother told me I made her depressed and that she should’ve aborted me, but I forgive her. The only man I have ever loved (so far…) broke my heart in ways I never thought was humanly possible, but I forgive him too. I’m so emotionally resilient. I have been abused physically, mentally, sexually, emotionally, and even spiritually (by a psychic Narcissist). However, I still manage to get out of bed in the morning, smile, laugh (sometimes manically), and uphold my daily responsibilities. Three weeks from now, I’m starting acolyte training to someday become a priest. I’m also in college to be a therapist for people with mental health problems. And I garner spiritual abilities of my own. Just yesterday, I was contemplating killing myself, but it’s amazing how God can save me just when I feel like giving up. I am going to help and heal a lot of people! I’m gonna make this world a better place than when I found it! On the other hand, I will still don the name, The One-Eyed Angel because this darkness infested with depression and rage will always be a part of me. It has helped me survive through the worst of times and helped me appreciate with ultimate gratitude the best of times. All emotions are temporary, both good and bad. I know I’m not gonna feel this happiness consistently for the rest of my life, but I accept that simply because I must accept that. Although I don’t have any close friends or family members who went to my baptism today, I have acknowledged already that my life is a lonely one so no surprises that no one outside my church family came today. I’m okay though. There must be some valid reason God didn’t place too many people in my life. Some can handle society while some can’t. To each his own. Have a wonderful day! Over and out.
Good afternoon to my evolving fallen angels! How have you all been? So today, I’m going to elaborate further on my theory that life is a play. Early on in my life, I would check myself into psych wards just to get away from the extensive amounts of abuse that took place in my childhood home and suicide hotlines were on speed dial when I was bored and racing thoughts morphed into suicidal ones. Now I am proud to say that I was hired yesterday to be the one picking up distress calls for a suicide warmline. It’s a step below the seriousness of a hotline. Warmlines are for people who feel lonely or suicidal but it isn’t necessarily a crisis. It’s good for someone who just needs to talk and vent to a confidant when they can’t get in touch with their clinician. I start work Monday! Wow! I’ve come a long way! I went from being a chronic victim to becoming a savior. I never pictured myself being the one trying to talk someone out of suicide. Life composes of a troupe of actors. Every human born into this world becomes an actor or actress pursuing their own journey. On a human standpoint, I don’t even get along with the majority of people in my prayers but at a spiritual level, I must care about everyone. I have to. We’re all playing our roles the way God wants us too. I can’t make Batman and Joker get along but I can acknowledge and appreciate the storyline set in place of their rivalry all these years. I played the role of martyr for far too long but I was not meant to play that role forever. Thank you, Jesus! God alters my role whenever He thinks I’m ready. I believe there are two eras in my life. Pre-ex and Post-ex. Before Heartbreak and Innocence Lost. BH and IL. I think if I ever bumped into my ex on the street, I would shake his hand and thank him because I have endured and gained so much knowledge, wisdom, and insight. No pain, no gain. I accept that he’s gone. He played his role of the heartbreaker and his act is finished. Unlike a lot of people in my life, I have the ability to forgive and turn the page of a story that has long since found a home. This topic reminds me of a passage in the Bible from the Corinthians.
“Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NIV)
Someday when I have extra money to spend, I’m getting this quote as a tattoo sleeve for my right arm. All my weaknesses makes me strong. All my imperfections makes me a relatable character. I’m not ashamed of my past for everything I have been through led me to this moment. Psychology major. Suicide warmline operator. Published author. Empath. Body-builder. I am capable of anything I set my mind to. No one can tell me I’m hopeless anymore. Not my mother or my ex or my former therapists. I am the Archangel and I must lead my fallen angels into victory. Have a wonderful day and good luck on your personal endeavors! Over and out.
Good morning to my literate fallen angels! What’s up? Lol So today I wanted to take a short break from poetry to do a review on this book my priest gave me. I finished reading it over a week ago but I got so caught up in my poetic injustice that it totally slipped my mind until now. Anyway, the title of the book is the same as the title of this post so no need to repeat myself. There were only four chapters and 80 pages altogether so it was quite an easy read. Baptism. Bible. Eucharist. Prayer. You probably noticed me using these four terms in my previous posts as of late. I’m not sure that someone born into Christianity is supposed to go in the same order as I stated or if it’s in a random sequence. Regardless I definitely didn’t go in order. I thought Baptism was a way to cleanse my spirit of sin but it’s much more than that. Williams’ ideals on Baptism were that it’s a way to allow the Holy Spirit to enter your life to accept that we are all suffering one way or another but we should acknowledge it and be there for one another. The text font and size made it even easier to comprehend what he was saying. Bible was the name of the second chapter. I thought the Bible was a collection of stories about the past when Jesus was still around but by reading Being Christian, I now realize that was the tip of the Iceberg. The Bible is a book of revelations which are basically all the trials and tribulations a person is destined to go through one way or another. It’s not about the confusing family trees or the hard-to-pronounce names. But it’s about putting yourself in the characters’ shoes. It’s about handling situations of all sorts. Everything that happens in our lives happened to our ancestors and the generations before us as well as future generations. Love. Heartbreak. Corruption. Betrayal. Family quarrels. Adultery. Politics. That list literally goes on and on. Check out my older post: Life is a play! I usually don’t use the word literally unless the situation calls for it and this one certainly does. I learned in the third chapter that Eucharist is not for a select group of chosen people but a way to imitate and symbolize the Last Supper. Bread is His body, Wine is His blood. We “feast” as a way to appreciate Jesus’s sacrifice on the cross. I notice from personal experience that a priest doesn’t let you partake in the “feast” unless you’ve been Baptized. I always have to cross my arms over my chest until I get Baptized sometime in November. It’s better than being completely left out. Prayer is the last chapter and it had me improving the way I pray. It’s not about talking to God directly but talking to Him through Jesus. For Jesus was God in human form as a way to prove to mankind that he was real. Before Christ, barely anyone believed in God but they couldn’t see him for themselves. Gratitude. Forgiveness. Blessing. Some reasons prayer is done. I enjoyed reading this book and I will treasure it always. The discussion questions at the end of each chapter and the margined quotes that stood out from the reading made it easier for me to focus and comprehend what each chapter was really about. Overall, I would give this book a 4.5/5. Now I know for sure what it takes to be Christian. If I came across as preachy or Jehovah-witnessy, I apologize for this nuisance. But it’s a book review and if you don’t want to be preached then don’t see it that way. I love you all, my fallen angels! In every passage in the Bible, love always conquers all forms of evil. So let’s stop being negative and open ourselves up to new experiences and ideas. Get to know one another as much as possible. No gossip or digging for dirt on each other, but really allow yourself to understand how another person views the world and their beliefs. Agree to disagree. Have a wonderful day! Over and out.
Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! 🙂
Hello again! Right after I added a new post this morning, I went to church for the first time in my life. I decided that I need a nearby church I can attend regularly every Sunday. I believe in God and pray every night before I go to bed. However, I felt I surpassed the maturity level to take religion and spirituality more seriously. I decided to be a Christian and open my heart to The Lord, The Son, and The Holy Spirit. I walked into my local church, completely clueless as to what to do once I stepped foot in there. The people there greeted me with open arms. They were so accepting and genuine. I wasn’t used to that. People usually are oblivious to my presense and I have come across so many who were negative, godless, and evil. I was brought up in a muslim family who hated gays and anything else that didn’t pertain to the Islamic faith. My mother was miserable and so negative though. I never thought she was a real muslim at all. But now that I am grown and out there on my own, I realized I can pick any religion I want. I was so lost and confused that I even asked the priest if there was a sign up sheet to get a membership to the church. He told me, “Of course not. You can just show up. It was a pleasure meeting you and I can’t wait to see you next Sunday.” No one has ever been that nice to me without wanting something in return. I feel blessed. And just a sidenote to my fallen angels, I call you all my fallen angels the same way Lady Gaga calls her fans her little monsters. It’s just for fun. I am not evil or anything. I hope you all know that. Thank you for always staying up to date with my posts. Have a wonderful day! Over and out.