An Interlude

From the outside looking in, most people think I’m crazy. From my point of view, living within the craziness, it merely feels like I’m being chastised for being honest within a world of liars.

After 25 years, I still don’t know what it means to be human. Unless the existential dread that I garner every day is the embodiment of humanity. But at this point in my life, I try not to be negative. I try not to be consumed in the darkness of my past. I tell myself that I’ve reached the other side of the tunnel and being humble is proof of that.

Loneliness and guilty pleasures

Brimstone and shadow shrouds my soul,
Makes me unapproachable,
Suffocating the light within,
With selfish acts of sin,
I know that it’s wrong to comply,
With the darkness deep inside,
The faithless and spiritually blind,
Cannot see nor fathom my kind,
Fallen angels guarding what consumes us,
Memories resonate of an incubus,
Fear and intrigue morphed into love,
Red flags ignored warnings from above,
Events occur way beyond my maturity level,
Inevitable death fabricated damsel,
Screaming out distorted love songs,
Sirens casting out lectures amongst,
The loneliness can replace the devil beneath the sheets,
Guilty pleasures in the form of love stains meets,
Underneath a canopy of infatuation,
Submerged further into oblivious condemnation,
Rock bottom is my summer resort,
Acrobatics convey with their bodies contort,
Lethargy and hopelessness is a comfortable satire,
To wear to the ball before clock strikes midnight’s dire,
Unveiling of the truth behind the mask,
Questions I was too afraid to ask,
Answers that can kill me instantly,
Better to live loved faintly,
Lies and bittersweet fellatios,
And meaningless exchanges of promises forms ratios,
Truth slays my heart forever more,
Need time to self-reflect escape the masquerade ball,
Seek salvation as I delve into the mystery,
My closed mind opened so I brace myself to feel life’s agony,
Holy retribution and holy water divine,
Baptism isn’t a cure-all nor is it a drawn line,
The bible shouldn’t be a bibliographical anomaly for zealots,
Eucharist is the coming of saints acknowledging their imperfections, Prayer is to submit and admit I’m nothing but a dot,
In life’s perpetual and everlasting discretion,
I’ll admit that i know nothing compared to what I could know,
If I knew life’s secrets I would lose my mind,
To live contempt and in the moment I’ll show,
God that I am worthy of being risen and not left behind

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! 🙂

Triskelion

I was an ugly little boy,
Chubby with a lazy eye,
My only friend was a toy,
How unfortunate was I?
I’m not gonna lie,
When it came to kids I wasn’t the best kind,
I made my mom want to die,
Triskelion, spirit, body, and mind

Meandering through the halls,
Of school staring down at my feet,
Prisoner of my mind my head the walls,
I wanted so badly to admit defeat,
Rage surged within I felt the heat,
As one day I finally released the bind,
As I lost control once I stood from my seat,
Triskelion, spirit, body, and mind

In utter fear of the unknown,
I did not care for penance,
My mind was blown,
Ambulance sirens then silence,
I woke up at the ER as reality commenced,
I wanted to leave I remember I whined,
But all they did was observe with condolence,
Triskelion, spirit, body, and mind

I reflect on my childhood,
So glad I left that little boy behind,
So much personal growth since the not-so-good,
Triskelion, spirit, body, and mind

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A well-deserved lazy day

Good morning to my fallen angels! How was your weekend? So in my weekly schedule, I am always able to relax on Mondays. Mondays are the only days of the week that I’m not in class or working out or going to church. The weather outside is delightful. These nice days are hard to come by in New England. I’m glad winter is no longer keeping spring hostage. I hate winter. The snow, the holidays, the spoiled children… I am a real life Grinch. Lol. I peer outside my window to see vibrant flowers finally regrowing in the park in my backyard. The birds are chirping. I’ll take that than my annoying alarm clock any day of the week. The air is still as if the day refused to start so soon. I live alone so I don’t have to worry about roommates or anyone else waking me up. I count my blessings and I am so grateful for everything I have in my name. I reflect on my life to acknowledge how far I have come. I am loved by friends and family that I have reconnected with recently. I am single now. I’m surprised I am not crying over my ex since I refused his offer to rekindle a dead romance. I am okay. I am a strong, independent young man who has his whole life ahead of him. It would have been tragic to allow my ex to render me from ever finding new love someday. I am in no rush to start dating or anything. My birthday is coming up! I must always remember this relief whenever I do ever miss my ex. I gaze at the sun rise and wonder what new adventures await me in the hours, the days, the years to come. I hope at least one of you reading this feel the same way I do: contempt and at ease. Well have a wonderful day! Over and out.