The Five Sons of Grief

One wore his heart like a crown,
And pretended you were still around

One never learned of forgiveness,
Burning in a pool of his own vengeful sickness

One played the devil’s advocate,
Who sold his soul without commitment

One dreamt away his life,
For every waking moment was in strife

And one grows fond of the change in seasons,
Winter preludes Spring and he knows the reasons

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In-Zest

Somewhere my weakness is a strength
He lives so far away
I stem from the seeds of his lustrous length
Every second here is a delay

It’s not common to feel like this
But he is my everything
My lips yearn to feel his kiss
I think of him when I sing

Synesthesia makes me see blue
Like the ocean between us
I gaze at the sky a lighter hue
The Summer rays gleam robust

I wish he was a monster
But he is just a man
A beautiful endeavor
He’s just doing the best he can

There’s a place deep in his heart where the trouble can’t go
That is where he’ll find my home
Time goes by fast and slow
I embrace the man I have become

I scrutinize at my reflection
So much that I never rest
I am indeed my father’s son
His favorite desirable In-Zest

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Daddy

There’s a darkness inside of us. People notice it right away. However, it’s a kind of darkness that doesn’t attempt to destroy our light but rather, the darkness preserves it. It’s hard to laugh and it’s hard to smile but when we do, we shine the brightest. We have both done very horrible things to people in psychological response to our own traumas. Naturally, people tend to deviate from our lives slowly but surely until the loneliness becomes the only thing that’s real. Yet the loneliness isn’t real at all. Although I haven’t seen you in years, we do talk from time to time.You are one of the last remaining people in this whole world that I truly love. Even though I got my bad luck from you, I also inherited your big heart, your emotional resilience, and your good looks. We are beautiful people so misunderstood and wrongfully misjudged. I am so proud to be your son. I understand why you left and I have faith that you’ll return. I love you with every inch of my heart and soul. Now and forever more.

Tell Me What It’s Like

You were a mother,
Overwhelmed by the power,
Of her son,
And his father,
Spent your years,
Protecting him,
From all your fears,
Even when your light grew dim,
Loving him so…
Raising him so…
You thought that he would be grateful,
Now he’s grown up,
You kicked him out the door,
And out of your life,
Nine months in your womb,
18 years under your roof,
Surpassed all the gloom,
Violence and abuse spelled out “doom,”
Oh tell me what it’s like,
To abandon him so quickly,
I know parenthood ain’t easy,
When you’re playing both roles,

Ever since his father,
Walked out on you all,
You raised him,
To hate him,
You been with other guys since then,
These other guys you easily let in,
A home full of minors,
Abused like hitchhikers,
Don’t you care at all?
I reached out to you,
But I have matured and forgave,
You choose to remain the same,
Oh tell me what it’s like,
To not know where your last born is,
Does he ever cross your mind?
A mistake you wish you aborted,

I’m doing fine,
I’m doing just fine,
If you haven’t guessed by now,
I am your son,
You thought I was mentally challenged,
But the only challenge I faced was you,
You never bothered to get to know me,
But I don’t have to worry,
Cus worry is the misuse of imagination,
I will not sign that proclamation,

Growing old is mandatory,
Growing up is optional,
I trek through the harder left,
You breeze through the easy right,
Never to coincide,
Never to intersect,
Parallel lines,
All lead to the unknown,
I will walk this path to the orient,
You will stay astray reliant,
On self-mutilation,
Lonely scars you always reopen,

I can never let you in,
It’s neither here nor there,
A condescending grin,
For I no longer care

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“I Forgive You, Mother”

It seems like forever,
Last I spoke to you, mother,
The past is over,
Bridge above the water,
Let’s turn the page,
Let’s kill the rage,
Alleviate the sacrilege,
Seek salvation within,
We all have garnished souls,
Facing our demons,
Stepping on hot coals,
Senseless resurrection,
Of the unknown,
The merge between Heaven & Hell,
Occurs in our daily lives,
It’s so easy being angry,
So hard to forgive,
It took massive heartbreak,
Surviving suicide after suicide,
The realization that no one can replace you,
It all starts and ends with you,
Mother,
Oh Mother,
Now I understand,
I was a child so naive,
You were a mother so hard to please,
I’m still gay,
But somehow I still found God,
Everyday feels disconnected,
Without you I’m a broken man,
Without me you’ll always be wondering,
“How are you, son?”
“Where have you been, son?”
“Do you forgive me, son?”
I’ll reply,
“I’m lost without you, mother,”
“Living alone barely making ends meet, mother,”
“I forgive you, mother.”

So let’s start over.

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