If no one else can see it

Good morning to my expressive fallen angels! What do you have planned for this weekend? So today, I woke up recalling the times when I still lived with my mother. I remember sometimes she would get her hair done. Beautifully styled to compliment the women on the shows on TV Land we used to watch together. Why did this random memory resurface today? I notice that my first thought of the day usually composes of either my ex or my mother. The two people who hurt me the most are the two people I once loved the most. The pain has been nullified as the time goes by but pain demands to be felt. My mother hid her beauty under a hijab (a shawl muslim women wear to cover their scalps). My ex hid his heart within the abysmal darkness that made up his walls. I’m not like them. I take pleasure in that fact. I don’t repress anything. My heart and my masculine beauty may be hidden by most but not all. I am not a generalization. I understand that if most people can’t see the real me, then it’s because I don’t let them get to know me. This loneliness is eating me alive but I forgot how to live any other way. I’m an introvert. Apart from you, my fallen angels, only my therapist has access to my rantings. But who am I to you? Who are you to me? Does it really matter if no one can see it? I’m just a fabricated leviathan easily slain. I think very highly of myself but I’m only human. One fatal draw of fate can end my time in this world. My body is merely a vessel of biblical proportions. Then again, I’m relying on belief that this life is worth living. Nothing is proven. But to sum it all up, perhaps loneliness is one of the truest things there is and whether or not I let myself establish external connections with others makes no difference either way. Maybe I’m right or maybe it’s just another theory piled on infinite other postulates by other Philosophers. At least I know for myself where my salvation came from. I can only hope that you find yours too, if you haven’t done so already. Age is no correlation to when you’ll discover it. Time treats the soul differently. With that positive note, I wish you all a wonderful day! Over and out.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading ๐Ÿ™‚

The Toxic Attraction Between an Empath & a Narcissist. | elephant journal

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/06/the-toxic-attraction-between-an-empath-a-narcissist/

Exactly what happened with me and my ex. I know I talk about him too much but it’s because of him that I actually had so many ideas for blog posts. I found this link while looking through this group’s page on Facebook that I’m a part of called Empath for Beginners. I’m an Empath and he was a Narcissist. I wanted to heal him but all it did was stoke his ego. Check out the link above and let me know if you can relate. Comment if you have any questions or comments too. Have a wonderful day! Over and out.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading ๐Ÿ™‚

From victim to savior

Good afternoon to my evolving fallen angels! How have you all been? So today, I’m going to elaborate further on my theory that life is a play. Early on in my life, I would check myself into psych wards just to get away from the extensive amounts of abuse that took place in my childhood home and suicide hotlines were on speed dial when I was bored and racing thoughts morphed into suicidal ones. Now I am proud to say that I was hired yesterday to be the one picking up distress calls for a suicide warmline. It’s a step below the seriousness of a hotline. Warmlines are for people who feel lonely or suicidal but it isn’t necessarily a crisis. It’s good for someone who just needs to talk and vent to a confidant when they can’t get in touch with their clinician. I start work Monday! Wow! I’ve come a long way! I went from being a chronic victim to becoming a savior. I never pictured myself being the one trying to talk someone out of suicide. Life composes of a troupe of actors. Every human born into this world becomes an actor or actress pursuing their own journey. On a human standpoint, I don’t even get along with the majority of people in my prayers but at a spiritual level, I must care about everyone. I have to. We’re all playing our roles the way God wants us too. I can’t make Batman and Joker get along but I can acknowledge and appreciate the storyline set in place of their rivalry all these years. I played the role of martyr for far too long but I was not meant to play that role forever. Thank you, Jesus! God alters my role whenever He thinks I’m ready. I believe there are two eras in my life. Pre-ex and Post-ex. Before Heartbreak and Innocence Lost. BH and IL. I think if I ever bumped into my ex on the street, I would shake his hand and thank him because I have endured and gained so much knowledge, wisdom, and insight. No pain, no gain. I accept that he’s gone. He played his role of the heartbreaker and his act is finished. Unlike a lot of people in my life, I have the ability to forgive and turn the page of a story that has long since found a home. This topic reminds me of a passage in the Bible from the Corinthians.

โ€œTherefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christโ€™s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christโ€™s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.โ€ (2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NIV)

Someday when I have extra money to spend, I’m getting this quote as a tattoo sleeve for my right arm. All my weaknesses makes me strong. All my imperfections makes me a relatable character. I’m not ashamed of my past for everything I have been through led me to this moment. Psychology major. Suicide warmline operator. Published author. Empath. Body-builder. I am capable of anything I set my mind to. No one can tell me I’m hopeless anymore. Not my mother or my ex or my former therapists. I am the Archangel and I must lead my fallen angels into victory. Have a wonderful day and good luck on your personal endeavors! Over and out.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! And please check out my eBook: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012BSPFCQ/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awdm_EgmSvb1FDR2EB Thanks for reading ๐Ÿ™‚

Life is a play!

Good morning to my talented fallen angels! I hope you didn’t wake up on the wrong side of the bed today. Lol. Alright, so today I wanted to talk about life. Yeah, that’s new…. Anyway have you ever read the bible and realized that it’s not the specific characters in the story that you gotta pay attention to but the roles they play? In life too, we play many roles which all inevitably come from the bible. For instance, in my life, so far, I have donned the role of a neglectful heartbreaker, the neglected broken hearted, the cunning thief, the pathological liar, the dominant leader, the submissive follower, the persistent priest, the lonely prophet… the list goes on and on. And do you notice that everything you go through has been done before? Nothing is new under the Sun. Every person born into the world becomes an actor or actress unknowingly fulfilling their part in this play. What roles do you partake in this life? Will you be the villain? Worshipping chaos to sustain your own imaginary level of importance? Will you be the hero? Saving lives, whether that would be charity or crime fighting? You can be anywhere in between. Life is beautiful and it’s a theatrical production made by God, for God, and with God. If you find this hard to wrap your head around, then think of Nintendo’s most prestigious icon, Mario. The Super Mario series is theorized to be a cast of performers assigned various roles throughout the years. For instance, the Mario Party series and the Mario Kart series are the whole gang just having fun. Mario, Luigi, Bowser, Princess Peach, and the others don’t participate in the usual “princess-gets-captured-mario-saves-her-from-bowser” storyline. However, like in the original trilogy, Super Mario Sunshine, and the Galaxy series, that general plot of saving the day resurfaces. Check out this episode from Cartoon Conspiracies on YouTube:

Nintendo seems to be playing God in this theory. It may look like the breaking of one of the Ten Commandments but you don’t have to be so serious. It’s a metaphor. This way of thinking is why I’m not angry anymore at my ex or my mother or any friends I lost touch with throughout the years. It’s because they played their roles in my life but now it’s okay to let go and continue to live going in whatever directions we wanna go. No tv series can last forever (except The Simpsons lol). This is how I see the world and life personally. I find that I’m hardly ever in a bad mood anymore. It’s so easy for me to be positive now. I love everyone and everything. Some people who know me personally may think I’m a bitch but I care more about everyone than anyone can understand about me. I am determined to be a hero in one of many heroic roles in life. Ultimately I love all my fallen angels who read my posts and anyone whose not. It’s okay ๐Ÿ™‚ Have a wonderful day! Over and out.

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Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! ๐Ÿ™‚