Confessions of a Hopeless Romantic

You think you’re the only one who hurts? One thing that mankind has in common with its own brethren is that we all suffer and experience such impeccable pain. You are doing the best you can. There’s a lot of pressure on your shoulders because many people depend on you. But it is such a blessing to even know you and for you to even want to spend time with me, let alone talk to me at all. I learned in life no one ever has to spend any time on me. They do it because they want to, not because they have to.  Every social interaction and every relationship established between two people is a blessing and it should be cherished and appreciated no matter how it ends or if it ever does. You don’t have to go through everything alone anymore. We could be a team. I have your back and you have mine. It would be a give and take. That’s how it should be. I’m so sorry that you have endured such past hurt, but I am not the one to blame. I noticed you generalize quite often, and I would hate for you to not indulge in the discovery we can have together just because you place me in a box with other men. You would lose so many opportunities with that sick habit of yours. You think I don’t know why you’re afraid to love again? I’ve been hurt too. You cry a little but so do I. And if you give a little, so will I. Look here, I know you said we should take things slow, but I don’t think we have being doing that anyway. We’ve already made love. Shouldn’t we have already done that after the fact? I know you said we could date other guys and that you wouldn’t mind if I was talking to other guys, but I don’t want to date other guys and I don’t want to talk to other guys. I want to be with you and only you. I think about you all the time. I yearn to be in your presence and for our passion and tenderness that we share in the bedroom. I want you to be mine and I want to be yours. I know you want to take things slow but we haven’t been taking it slow the whole time. If we can make love as beautifully as we’ve done, then why not go to see a movie together or have dinner together? I want to be a part of your life. I want to meet your family and friends and I want you to meet my family and friends. I want to integrate you into my life and I want you to do the same. Is that so bad?

Salvation IV

I yearn to inflict pain on you, but I can’t avoid imagining you as a pygmic nostalgia.
It must have taken a village to raise you into the fine man you’ve become.
To force your world into annihilation both surpasses my aptitude and opposes my morals.
Nothing happens only to consume finite time.
We either triumph or acquire new perceptions often mistaken for facts.
Who really knows which postulates are worthy of ultimate reality?
I tend to utilize superlatives and generalizations to indulge in my self-pity.
However mankind’s greatest achievement is diversity.
To each his own.

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Yet Another Way to Describe Misery

Let’s live a lie because the truth is too hard to arouse.

I must replenish my will to live weakly weekly in His house.

Deferring my dreams like a raisin in the sun –

The mask is pretty enough to provide me false fun.

Timidness is an act in a performance that I’ve mastered in this cage.

Friendship is merely a hologram in this technological age…

Neglect my existence over and over again until I’m just a nuisance.

I will invade your emotions until they’re anything but elusive.

Only someone whose odd can be number one.

Yet another way to describe misery but I’m almost done.

All my poems seem to be written in a similar way

For happiness is indigenous same shit different day.

Loneliness and guilty pleasures

Brimstone and shadow shrouds my soul,
Makes me unapproachable,
Suffocating the light within,
With selfish acts of sin,
I know that it’s wrong to comply,
With the darkness deep inside,
The faithless and spiritually blind,
Cannot see nor fathom my kind,
Fallen angels guarding what consumes us,
Memories resonate of an incubus,
Fear and intrigue morphed into love,
Red flags ignored warnings from above,
Events occur way beyond my maturity level,
Inevitable death fabricated damsel,
Screaming out distorted love songs,
Sirens casting out lectures amongst,
The loneliness can replace the devil beneath the sheets,
Guilty pleasures in the form of love stains meets,
Underneath a canopy of infatuation,
Submerged further into oblivious condemnation,
Rock bottom is my summer resort,
Acrobatics convey with their bodies contort,
Lethargy and hopelessness is a comfortable satire,
To wear to the ball before clock strikes midnight’s dire,
Unveiling of the truth behind the mask,
Questions I was too afraid to ask,
Answers that can kill me instantly,
Better to live loved faintly,
Lies and bittersweet fellatios,
And meaningless exchanges of promises forms ratios,
Truth slays my heart forever more,
Need time to self-reflect escape the masquerade ball,
Seek salvation as I delve into the mystery,
My closed mind opened so I brace myself to feel life’s agony,
Holy retribution and holy water divine,
Baptism isn’t a cure-all nor is it a drawn line,
The bible shouldn’t be a bibliographical anomaly for zealots,
Eucharist is the coming of saints acknowledging their imperfections, Prayer is to submit and admit I’m nothing but a dot,
In life’s perpetual and everlasting discretion,
I’ll admit that i know nothing compared to what I could know,
If I knew life’s secrets I would lose my mind,
To live contempt and in the moment I’ll show,
God that I am worthy of being risen and not left behind

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What’s true vs. What’s right

Good morning my beautiful fallen angels! How are you on this lovely day? New adventures will be embarked on today just like any other day. Anyway, today, I would like to discuss the concept of truth versus the concept of righteousness. I haven’t been baptized before because I lived in a Muslim family growing up. But I’m planning on getting baptized sometime this Summer. Today I spoke with my priest again for the second Tuesday ever. I am still new in the ways of Christianity so he helps me with any questions I have (I have many questions! Lol) as well as discuss philosophy. I enjoy my little chats with Father Mark. One topic we came across was the difference between ethics and honesty. He told me a brief example. He said, “if it was still World War 2 times and you were harboring Jews in your cellar before the Nazis knocked on your door, would you lie to them and say no or tell them the truth?” It’s a question of conflict between the two concepts I mentioned already. Telling the truth saves the lives of the Jews while lying in itself is supposedly wrong. It’s got me to thinking about corruption in the world which when snowballed to the Illuminati. The coexistence of a truth and a lie and whose to argue that the Illuminati is right or wrong made our discussion a philosophical one. And if corruption in itself is the norm, then it defeats the very definition of corruption. My priest then tied the conversation back to the core topic at hand (my inevitable baptism) when I thought the conversation went on a huge tangent. He said, “we all walk on this road, while we carry the load, as we walk side by side towards the oriented (the way towards the light). Humans tend to stray away from the light sometimes but it’s up to us to not let our sins distract us from the way. What’s true and what’s right may differ from everyone and any given situation. But the majority of people believe that any decisions they make have a justifiable reason for being good even when it’s not. For the most part, we are doing the best we can.” I am spellbound by discussions I have with my priest or my clinician too. I prefer conversations pertaining to something bigger than ourselves rather than having to dumb myself down to talk to my peers about social media or celebrities. This is why I usually don’t associate with people in my own age group. It may be true as to what I’m saying about people my age but is it right to imply that they are normally naive? Or maybe it’s not true, that it’s just my general opinion? Who knows? I tend to generalize a lot regardless so perhaps it’s not true. I’m human just like everyone else and it’s not in my place to decide what’s right in comparison to what’s true in response to others. But it’s safe to say I can decide that for myself about myself. Well that was quite philosophical. Heed my words and have a wonderful day, my fallen angels! Over and out.