CAUTION

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Hello to my cautious fallen angels! It’s been a while since I last checked in. I tend to write poetry and short stories, but there’s nothing wrong with that.

It’s Mother’s Day and the sadness wrecks havoc once again. I was an unusual child. My mother was afraid of me. She called me “the sick boy.” I spoke of death, misery, and hopelessness around the time my parents were divorced, and also during the time I began to get bullied in school. Then, trauma ensued and I became catatonic from the age of 10 to 18. I dressed in gothic garments, cut myself regularly, and tried to commit suicide whenever I was bored so she could keep me entertained. I blamed her for the loss of my innocence even though she didn’t do it directly.

I used to have sex with gangsters for drugs and pickpocket strangers on the streets to survive. My mother was a whore, and there was never food in the house. I went in and out of psych wards, residentials, group homes, and state hospitals. I got expelled from four different high schools before I finally graduated.

By then, my mother no longer bothered visiting me, let alone keeping me entertained. She gave up on me. I am the “Jason Todd”* of her four children.

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*Jason Todd was the second Robin after Dick Grayson. He was murdered by The Joker. Then, he was resurrected by the use of Ra's Al Ghul's Lazarus Pit. Jason Todd became a villain called The Red Hood.

Now I am a grown man. And every Mother’s Day that comes and goes relinquishes the mental bind I constructed to keep these horrid memories at bay.

I am socially rejected by almost every social group dynamic I have come across throughout the years. I am guarded and I hardly let anyone in. I portray this dark persona but I believe myself to be very gentle and kind. I must be cautious at all times. It’s days like today that never let me forget why I always exercise CAUTION.

Well, just because I hate Mother’s Day due to association by my own life’s experience, it doesn’t mean you feel the same way. At that note, I wish you all a Happy Mother’s Day!

Feel free to check my latest book, a book of poetry called Trials and Tribulations! http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018ZR0IVA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1460319936&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trials+and+tribulations+sufian

If you can’t beat ’em, keep trying

Good evening to my accomplished fallen angels! How are you doing? So have you ever acknowledged your good and evil sides? Do we start from birth as pure as can be? Or is it a neutral blank slate kind of ordeal? I don’t expect anyone I answer two out of those three questions. Rhetorical situations… The best times in life are rhetorical. Let’s assume life starts pure-hearted. Then add in genetics and upbringing. Are you still pure? I wasn’t. Anyway schooling gets mixed in. Being around peers for the first time in your life. That can go either way. Then adolescence, from 13-18 years old= introduction to hell. Friendships created and dissolved in a short time span. First love occurs, that early… if you’re lucky. It took until after graduation for me to start being attractive. Independence takes place soon after. Trials and tribulations gnaw at you like starving vampires and you’re their first human in years. Bills, work, school, family, friends, ramen noodles for months, red bull and coffee just to stay working, partying and boys (or girls, whatever…), survival of the fittest, and suddenly all the evil and condescending rage eats up at you. Will you let the darkness take over? Will you tarnish your purity for personal gain? People constantly using you for money or sex or labor or a laugh that will make their day yet leave you exhausted and alone at night. They say if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. Not me. Hustlers on the streets begging for a dollar, rich snobs laughing in your face, and the inevitable war within yourself. Should you defend your benevolence or allow shadows to intervene? A life undiscovered, not resolved. As humans, we have the luxury to pick our path to righteousness or repeated sin. Indulge in your urges, regardless if it hurts the ones around you. Or go out of your way to save a complex race. The choice is yours. But just to let you know, evil is weakness for they are not strong enough to keep Satan at bay. It takes more strength to save a life than to end one, especially your own. Fantasy is the best place to contain the darkness. Make it your reality and you better hope there’s no afterlife for you would get the short end of the stick. I, myself, am lost in fantasy, inside the magical worlds of infinite storytelling. It’s never too late for me to come back but keeping darkness behind is quite an endeavor. Look at me, ranting on about nothing and everything, like a mad scientist or a philosopher who got fired for daydreaming. I say, if you can’t beat ’em, keep trying because it’s never too late to formulate the perfect balance within yourself. Hope beats fear every time. Evil power always requires sacrifice. Be good for me, will ya? Have a wonderful day! Over and out.

Feel free to like or comment on this post. I will always reply back to comments! 🙂